[+Fight+The+Illness+]

Greetings Sweet-Hearted and Gentle-People,

The new semester started on August 18th and my anxiety has been freaking out everyday since then. I'm currently taking a Spanish class where class participation is a requirement. The professor will pick students out of the class and ask them a question in Spanish and then the student to respond in Spanish. Every student gets called on at least once every class (I have the class 4 times a week). So the professor calls on me once a class, which is 4 times a week. It's been quite a while since my anxiety has been this awful.

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety when I was 6 years old, and it continues to have it's paralyzing grip on me. I know I'm going to talk to my professor about my anxiety as soon as I can, but that's the problem:
I went to his office during his office hours on Friday, but he wasn't there!! He also has office hours on Monday and Wednesday from 9-10am, but I don't get out of class until 9:50am and then I start his class at 10am. He doesn't have office hours on Tuesday, but he does have office hours that I can go to on Thursday but I can't hold off on this until then. I need to tell him about my anxiety ASAP.

It's getting to the point where I feel like I'm losing control of every aspect of my life. Anxiety is possessing every aspect of my life once again, even when I'm not in class. I'm honestly terrified that I'm going to do something that I'll either regret or could hurt myself.

But this is something that I need to talk to him face-to-face about, but I can't see him until Thursday and this can't wait until then. And I don't want to talk to him about it after class b/c
1) He has another class to get too
2) I feel uncomfortable talking about it where someone else could hear what I'm saying. And I feel uncomfortable talking about it in the classroom b/c I feel like he probably won't be solely focused on what I'm saying.

But the good news is that he's a very kind-hearted professor. I wouldn't hesitate to say that he's one of the best professors I've had so far. He gives off the aura that he's approachable and understanding, which is beyond comforting.

So I don't know what exactly I need to do from here, since I can't seem to talk to him in person until Thursday and it can't wait until then.

Any ideas?

[IceCreamKid]

Can you call and leave a message or email him?

[+Fight+The+Illness+]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Can you call and leave a message or email him?

Technically, yes; but I feel like this is something that I need to talk to him about in person.

[Mediator]

how about to send him message that you need to talk personally

[kaliope]

yes, telephone/email letting him know you need to talk with him asap and that his hours of availabilty arent coinciding with yours.can you meet at another time.

[unaluna]

I would email him, as the posters above suggest, and as kaliope says with the "hrs coincide" issue, but do go ahead with one or two sentences about the problem, and maybe asking him for suggestions? or if he has encountered this before? Just say you have a problem with responding in class due to social anxiety and would like to speak with him asap. Also you should visit college counseling to discuss this with them, and if you can make an appt with a counselor before you write to the prof, tell him about the appt, so he can make his appt for after the counseling one. That is, if other people here (or you!) think this is a good idea!

[RomanSunburn]

First I would email him ASAP. Briefly mention what you want to talk about, but that you would like to discuss this further in person. Also, professors usually put office hours when they're supposed to be in their office (but things come up, so they can't always be there), but generally, they're in their office a lot more than just the times they say they will be. You could always try to stop by his office at another time.

Also, i would definitely start seeing a counselor on campus. My last school had a psychological disabilities office also, that was able to give me accommodations for my classes (I was given occasional extra absences (1-2) and allowed to turn in some assignments a little late (1-2 assignments).) My experience has been when the professor sees that you're working on this and up front about it, they're more willing to do everything they can and be more lenient with you.

Good luck! Take care! Let us know how it goes.

[+Fight+The+Illness+]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

First I would email him ASAP. Briefly mention what you want to talk about, but that you would like to discuss this further in person. Also, professors usually put office hours when they're supposed to be in their office (but things come up, so they can't always be there), but generally, they're in their office a lot more than just the times they say they will be. You could always try to stop by his office at another time.

Also, i would definitely start seeing a counselor on campus. My last school had a psychological disabilities office also, that was able to give me accommodations for my classes (I was given occasional extra absences (1-2) and allowed to turn in some assignments a little late (1-2 assignments).) My experience has been when the professor sees that you're working on this and up front about it, they're more willing to do everything they can and be more lenient with you.

Good luck! Take care! Let us know how it goes.

Thank you so so much. It truly means a lot when people I've never even met are willing to help in a way that even people I know won't.

And like I said, I get a very good vibe from my professor. He seems to be very kind-hearted and approachable, which makes it a bit easier to talk to him. But even with that said, I still feel really nervous bout even emailing him and giving a brief description of what I need to talk to him about. I'm not exactly sure how I should start the email or anything. Any ideas?

[unaluna]

here's a start? I know it's usually easier to edit something to your liking, than to start it, esp when you're stressed. good on you for taking these steps!

I am (your name), in your Spanish xxx class at y am, m,t,w,r. You may have noticed I have problems answering when called upon in class. This is due to personal issues that I would like discuss with you, and possibly work out a plan so it doesn't affect my grade.

I have checked your posted office hours and am in class at all those times. When would be a convenient time for us to talk? I cannot stay after on Monday, but perhaps we could speak in the hall before class on wwwwwww?

I also have an appointment with counseling on rrrrrrr (if true).

thank you,
xxxxx
phone number

[+Fight+The+Illness+]

Originally Posted by hankster

here's a start? I know it's usually easier to edit something to your liking, than to start it, esp when you're stressed. good on you for taking these steps!

I am (your name), in your Spanish xxx class at y am, m,t,w,r. You may have noticed I have problems answering when called upon in class. This is due to personal issues that I would like discuss with you, and possibly work out a plan so it doesn't affect my grade.

I have checked your posted office hours and am in class at all those times. When would be a convenient time for us to talk? I cannot stay after on Monday, but perhaps we could speak in the hall before class on wwwwwww?

I also have an appointment with counseling on rrrrrrr (if true).

thank you,
xxxxx
phone number

That's a really good place to start!! Thank you so very much! I'll definitely go with something along that line.

[RomanSunburn]

FightTheIllness, I totally understand where you're coming from, and I love to help people the best that I can so they don't have to go through the things I went through. I'm just glad that what I wrote was able to help you. If you ever want to PM me about any of the problems you're having in school or about anything at all, I'd love to offer what support I can. In no way am I better off than you or anything, I'm still learning just as much as you are. Dealing with professors just happens to be one of my specialties

[+Fight+The+Illness+]

UPDATE

I talked to my professor face-to-face today about my social anxiety...IT WENT NOTHING LIKE I PLANNED IT TOO!!! Oh my goodness, telling my professor about my social anxiety happened in the WORST way possible.

We were about to start group work and he passed out worksheets for us. Well, I got extras and I went to take them up to him. But let me tell you this:

I've been containing my anxiety and stress since the semester started on August 18th. So it's just been building day-by-day, and I haven't been coping with it well at all. Anyway...

When my professor started tell us about the work we were to do in groups, I felt my anxiety rise even more. And before I could do anything, I started to feel the anxiety turn into panic. I felt myself going into a panic attack, and I couldn't fight against it because it was gaining strength very fast. So when I went to take the extra sheets up to my professor, I felt the panic continue to intensify, and before I knew it, I started having a panic attack.

As soon as I started hyperventilating, trembling even more, and on the verge of tears, I saw the look of shear panic cross my professor's face. He asked me if I was okay and I could hear the worry in his voice. And before I moved, I felt him start to gently push me towards the door and into the hallway.

I slid down to the floor and did my best to calm down by focusing every brain cell on my breathing. I have tremors b/c of medication, but it looked like I was having some kind of seizure b/c I was shaking so badly. I did my best to not cry, but that didn't really work.

I was absolutely terrified b/c I couldn't breathe and I completely lost control of everything about me. I became claustrophobic as I continued to try and breathe. It's been a while since I've had a panic attack. I was so incredibly embarrassed that I couldn't take my eyes off of my knees (I had them up against my chest).

But what kind of surprised me the most was my professor's reaction. When I walked up to him, he instantly looked worried/concerned and the first thing he said to me was "Are you okay?" When he realized that I wasn't okay, he started to push me towards the door and into the hallway. He certainly wasn't 'rude' about it or anything along that line; and it wasn't so much "pushed", but "guided" me towards the door. As soon as I sank to the floor, he closed the door and sat next to me (which was one of the biggest things that surprised me). He didn't say anything at first and I think it's b/c he knew I needed to calm down a little bit on my own; he started talking when I stopped crying...well I was the one who started talking after I stopped crying. I told him that I was so incredibly sorry for what happened and that's when I told him that I have Social Anxiety.

But the first thing he said was that I didn't have to apologize for anything or feel bad/guilty for what happened. He even put his hand on my back to try to make me calm down a bit more (I was surprised again, but knew that it was just a comforting gesture). And I'm not sure if I'm right about this or not, but I think I felt him shaking a little bit; he still looked/sounded worried.

We all know that when we get nervous/anxious/worried, we become parched. Same thing with my professor. Well, there was a water fountain across from us and he went up to get a drink of water (that's when my feeling of him actually being worried about me increased). But then I became confused when he said that he had to go to the restroom and when he started walking away, I noticed that he was walking much faster than he usually does. And there was a trashcan at the end of the hallway and when I was looking at my knees again, I heard a bizarre sound and turned to look where my professor started walking to.

He's the kind of person who vomits whenever he's worried/scared.

I was shocked to say the least b/c he didn't seem like that kind of person. But he continued to the restroom (to rinse his mouth out, I'm assuming). But when he came back, he confirmed that he was the kind of person who gets sick when they're worried/scared. That honestly blew me away b/c I realized that my professor was so worried about me and scared, that he got sick.

And he sat with me in the hallway for the majority of the class, but went back into the classroom twice to make sure the other students were doing what they were supposed to. I honestly didn't how to react at the time b/c I've never had a professor/mentor become so worried about me and so scared that they literally get sick.

So he told me to stop by his office as soon as I could and like mentioned above, he's in his office more often that he posts. He said that we can find ways to accommodate my social anxiety with the class and things like that. And apparently he knows a couple people who are really shy, so he kind of know how it works, but he did say that he doesn't know anyone who has been diagnosed with Social Anxiety.

But the whole situation was really overwhelming. I had a panic attack and my professor reacted in a way that I didn't think he would. I had a strong feeling that he's kind-hearted, approachable, and caring, but I didn't think that those traits were as prominent as they are. He seemed to really care and was truly worried and scared (I feel strongly that he was truly those things).

He even walked out of the building with me after class b/c I was still shaking a bit. Now, during class, I crumple a piece of paper to help with my anxiety. You know, I crumple it up into a ball, flatten it out, and then crumple it up again. And he told me that he's always wondered why I do that, and he "made fun of me" about it. He was just kidding though.

So yeah...I rambled on quite a bit ^^; Sorry about that, but that's what happened and I'll keep you posted on what happens when I talk to him more in depth about my anxiety.

[unaluna]

Gosh, I'd call that the best possible way, in a weird way. You were absolutely right in how you were reading him when you said before that you thought he was so approachable and kind. And not that his own being ill was probably his favorite way to start the day, but you truly have someone who understands. I mean, i'm sorry you had a panic attack, but i'm glad he was so there for you. He would make a pretty good T! Now go do some translating! (j/k!) Thanks for letting us know. I hope you did feel comforted. I feel comforted just reading about it.

[+Fight+The+Illness+]

Originally Posted by hankster

Gosh, I'd call that the best possible way, in a weird way. You were absolutely right in how you were reading him when you said before that you thought he was so approachable and kind. And not that his own being ill was probably his favorite way to start the day, but you truly have someone who understands. I mean, i'm sorry you had a panic attack, but i'm glad he was so there for you. He would make a pretty good T! Now go do some translating! (j/k!) Thanks for letting us know. I hope you did feel comforted. I feel comforted just reading about it.

I did feel a bit better after talking with him, and you're right, he would make a good therapist! Even though I wish I didn't have a panic attack, it's truly comforting to know (for a fact) that I have someone near me who understands and really truly seems to care. It means a bit more to me b/c I don't have a lot of support from my family (and I don't have many friends), so the fact that my Spanish professor was able to be there for me and spent the majority of the class sitting out in the hallway with me just to make sure I was okay was an experience that I can't find the words to express right now. Comforting, relieving, heart-warming, overwhelming. Can't really find the right adjective right now. I mean, I do feel bad about making him so worried/scared that he got sick, but it didn't seem to bother him when he continued to be there with me.

[unaluna]

I mean, what are the chances, that of all the profs, of all the classes - you know?!

I wish there were a good safe way you could let friends and family know, eventually; maybe they would take you more seriously. But I'm kind of an outcast in my family, so for me right now, my priority is just to do what I need to take care of myself, because THEY are doing fine; they don't need me to do anything for them.
So I would recommend holding this warm to yourself and to whomever else you feel REALLY safe sharing it with, but not to overextend yourself or expose it to where it will be mocked (because that's what -I- would do in the past, and then lose what I gained from it).

This is what is so amazing about this site - you never know what's going to happen. It's like a magic place! I mean really, what were the chances? A psych class, maybe, or a theater class, but a language class?!

[+Fight+The+Illness+]

UPDATE

I forgot to give you guys an update! My bad..

My professor is an absolutely incredible human being...period. I met with him in his office on Wednesday and we just talked a bit and whatnot. He even told me that he had a similar experience back when he was a college student. Apparently, he would count whenever he got nervous; he would count how many seconds it would take him to calm down (going all the up into the thousands), but he didn't count in the normal numeric pattern. I don't think I can really explain what he told me, but sometimes he would count in the normal "1,2,3,4,..." but then other times he would just count using even numbers, and then count other times using only odd numbers. But he told me that he was able to break that kind of nervous thinking, so he kind of understands what anxiety is all about (he had OCD, but he admits that he still finds himself going back to the train of thought).

It's quite comforting knowing that my professor actually has a general idea of what I'm experiencing. I hate it when people just say a bunch of stuff and have absolutely no idea what they're talking about or have any experience with whatever the situation may be. But he actually has an idea of what I'm experiencing, which just makes things a bit easier.

But he said that he won't call on me during class and if I ever have any questions, then I can just go talk to him in his office. He added that if I ever start to feel uncomfortable or claustrophobic, then I can just leave the room for how ever long I need to. My professor has even encouraged me to swing by his office whenever I need/want to.

What's really comforting about him is that he doesn't see me as a mere student. He sees me as a fellow human being and a friend. It's not the typical "Professor-student" relationship, where the student kind of feels inferior. I like not feeling inferior to him, and I'm glad that he also acknowledges that I'm not inferior and has even admitted that he hates being called "Dr. _____" because he says that it makes him feel superior, when he views himself on the same level as everyone else.

[unaluna]

Blown.Away. My 9th grade french teacher used to say he didn't care if we learned any french, as long as we learned to THINK! (he was very expressive!) But this is like what uni is really supposed to be about - such an amazing growth experience for you, just really learning what you need, what you can get? in / about life, from a prof? So cool. Thanks for the update!