Social awkwardness/possible anxiety and a classroom

Hi. This is my first time posting here because I took a long break from school and haven't really had this problem. Also, last time I was attending classes, it was for my adult education. Therefore, the class was very different. Less people, less pressure put on me to speak up in class, and less lectures. So, less anxiety over all.

I have never been formally diagnosed with any social disorder or any form of social anxiety. But I suppose I'll give a bit of background history regardless. I hate the term shy. People coined that term when referring to me as a child. To me, it always implied that I was timid and that I may not have wanted to interact with people for that reason. Which I never felt was right. I want to interact with people. I merely do not know how. As a kid, I was always... well, other kids would refer to me as strange. I didn't know how to interact. How to socialize. So, I would do so in my own way. Which was very off putting to some. As a pre-teen/teenager it was much the same way. I never knew how to respond to their emotions, never knew when it was my turn to speak, never grasped when I should stop speaking, or when it was okay to laugh at a joke or stop laughing at a joke. Socially, I never found my place.

As an adult, I have not grown out of this. It has been a lifelong thing and it had interfered with my ability to work and attend classes for a very long time. I'm afraid to because I simply do not know how to interact. This causes me some anxiety and some distress. I become very aware of my surroundings. Very aware of the other students and what they're doing, who's looking at me, etc.

I tried to get as many online courses as I could. I managed to snag online courses for English, French, and Sociology. So most of my classes this semester will be in an online setting. However, Psychology 150 (the class I need to take to go down my desired path) is in a classroom setting. English and French started, too. Soc is in October. So far, Psychology has caused me the most stress. Which is strange since it is, by far, my favorite subject and I am simply ecstatic about taking it.

I want to be comfortable in class. I just don't know how. I would like to hear from others attending in school courses in college (or perhaps even from high school students) with a problem similar to mine and if they've found a way to manage it. Something that helps. I don't want to drop the course and just take it online next semester. i want to finish it this time around so I can take the next Psych course next semester and Philosophy, too (as it's a pre-requisite for both of them). Has anyone here had experience discussing this kind of thing with a school counselor? Sorry for the long post. Online, it's easier to say what is on your mind. There are less restraints. Less uncertainties. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any advice.

Hi! I was considered a "shy" child, too. It was only when I got into therapy that I found out why I was having trouble relating to people, so you might find it helpful to talk to a school counselor or a therapist.

Just from what you have said, I can't really grasp what might be happening with you. Of course, since we aren't professionals, then we aren't able to diagnose, anyway.

Might it be possible that you have something such as Asperger's? That diagnosis comes to my mind because I just read a book called Look Me in the Eyes by Robison, who learned he had it when he was 40 years old.

Hi there. I'm a newcomer in this site but I am certain I can help you with that. I had problems with socializing in school before. I've never been into therapies (because of financial problems) but I was able to cope by conquering my fears. I'm not an expert but through experience, I didn't force myself to talk with others in real life. I didn't approach anyone. One thing you should remember, don't do something that you don't want to do. Go with the flow.

What I did, I joined a lot of forums online with the same interests as mine and made virtual friends (of course, it wasn't easy as some people are jerks and annoying). I've found some virtual friends whom I can trust and helped me with my life. After a few months, I became confident with myself (realizing I'm not a boring person after all) and finally talked with people around me even if it was just to ask for favors or through school activities. It worked. I am now confident with expressing myself (though still kind of odd) and I am able to go on with my studies.

Just remember, be accepting of people's idea and don't be afraid to get hurt. Rejections are normal and if ever you get hurt, it's never a crime to cry and talk to someone about it. Just be observant of people and go with someone you are comfortable with. I hope this helps you. Good luck with your studies and have a nice day

Hi, sorry for the delayed reply. School has managed to keep me busy this past week and though I have been on, I haven't done much posting.

I wanted to thank you both so much for replying in the first place!

I think you might be right about a counselor or a therapist. I was thinking about it this past week. If I cannot afford a therapist outside of school, maybe I can speak to the school counselor. My mother tells me she spoke to hers. I'm sure they still do that? It might be hard regardless as it's still a social situation. However, since it will be one on one, I imagine it won't be as scary as a classroom.

I'm not sure if that's possible. I've wondered if I have some underlying disorder that was never caught but I haven't really considered it. Perhaps if I do speak to a therapist, I can bring that up, as well. Asperger's has come up in a few of my past posts on other sites. I've never truly thought about it, though.

I like that advice. Going with the flow. I try hard to socialize and my inability to do so accurately can sometimes pile on stress. It can be rough at times. I get... frustrated, I guess you could say. Maybe I should try to go with the flow more. The hard part is that I don't always know what the flow even is.

I do make online friends with relative ease. I feel it's simpler because I don't have to see them face to face. It hasn't helped me offline yet but perhaps it will in due time.

I try to be as accepting as possible. I think.. .my main problem is that I don't know how to express this. I'm not even sure that makes sense. I never thought much about it until high school. And then I only gave it thought because after I had gotten in a fight (long back story there) I over heard the other person's mother talking about me and referring to me as a sociopath. Saying that I would watch her child cry and not do anything to comfort her child. We were "best friends" for some time. While it is true that I watch people cry and don't comfort them... it's not because I don't want to but because in the moment, I don't know how. I didn't realize that until I overheard the conversation and really gave it thought. I can feel. I can accept and care. I just don't "get" it.

I'm rambling. Anyway. I did manage to socialize a bit Monday. Only because we had to for a group project. It was tough, though but I'm still alive. I hope it gets easier with time.

Thank you both for your advice. It means a lot to me to get any replies at all.

I went through my entire first degree not talking to anyone or making any friends. I had no idea how. Now I can even though I am older than all of them. It's more listening than talking, and being subtle, making eye contact, smiles and opportunities for the other person to respond. Also, good to have specific goals. My goal is to have someone to talk with about class material and projects, exchange email with someone in case either of us misses a class, and ideally have someone to study with for at least the final and maybe also the midterm. I have never succeeded on that last point, the midterm. Once you have specific goals, you can tailor your behaviours around that. Be friendly, but give people a lot of space. There are books about interpersonal communications that give good tips. I liked some by Leil Lowndes - very concrete, yet accurately tells you what context it would be okay in, like levels of formality. Then I practised those behaviours. But observing and listening are key, instead of worrying a lot about yourself. Paying attention to the other person. I feel I am undiagnosed autism spectrum, and this has ruled my life because of the tremendous effort required to come out of my shell as they said in my first grade report card. I have gone through what you are going through, I think, including a bunch of social anxiety in the past as well.

Feel free to PM me if you wish.

I really have no idea how myself. It's the eye contact and the smiles I have most trouble with. My family tells me I talk too much when I really try to socialize. My online friend tells me that even online I tend to ramble a lot, making it hard for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. She says that she likes it as often I'll ramble about random facts... lol But it makes me afraid to interact with strangers. I guess that's where my problem might lie.

That's my goal, too. To meet someone like minded. Maybe another Psych major. Someone who I can study with. Maybe do projects with or share notes with when one of us misses class. I guess I don't really expect a friend. I've never really 'expected' friends. I think, ever since grade school, I have silently accepted that it's hard for me to make friends in that sense of the word.

I think... I'd have to read a book to get some kind of idea. I am a reader. I've always absorbed information through reading. Rather than figuring it out on my own. Because honestly, figuring things out... figuring out cues, figuring out how to tailor my behavior, it sounds a bit overwhelming. I'll try my best to figure it out, though. And I'll look into those books. I may take you up on that PM.

I used to have a problem with anxiety in the classroom. I would get very self-conscious about what I was going to say, and had to write it down beforehand so that I didn't "make a fool of myself" in front of my peers. Mostly, I ended up sounding like a robot. I found that working my way into larger class settings really helped with my anxiety. I started with smaller classes, gained the confidence there, and worked my way up. That's not always an option, but it also helped for me to join groups/start new activities.

Good luck!

Thanks for the reply. Yeah, I get self-conscious sometimes, too. When I was in middle school, I was picked on for having a lisp and because I stumble over words (even if I know them - like, I can say a word in my head just fine, but pronouncing it out loud is tough). I think that's part of what bothers me about public speaking. Reading in class, you know. I know adults tend to be different in how they react. Logically, I know that. But fears don't have to be logical, I guess. I, also, tend to sound like a robot a lot. I'm not sure if that's an option for me. This class (the psych one) was literally the last psych 150 class available. It seems Psych classes fill fast (not that my school has a lot of psych majors, but you can take it as "extra credits" and then, some other branches require at least 150) so most of the classes seem to be big. This specific one is about 30 people. Which isn't too big, but is pretty big to someone like myself. Maybe next semester I'll take psych online and instead find a smaller class in a classroom setting.

Thank you. It was nice reading another reply. It was labor day today so no class today. It was nice relaxing instead of being around so many people... I must admit. But on the bright side, I do enjoy the learning part of the class. I just feel I'd be able to concentrate more if... there wasn't the "social" part of it.

H3rmit literally gave you the best answer. I have autism and I face this situation at school all the time. I have two online classes which are English and a sociology course and I'm so glad that it isn't on campus. I don't do very well in an English class setting because of the metaphorical language used, group projects, etc. I am an A average student, but I'm slow processing and I need more time to do things. I have one class on campus, but I'm not worried. I probably won't make friends, but I will most likely have group partners since I understand this class subject very well and people will want to be my partner for my intelligence. I tend to keep to myself and listen more than speak. I never put myself on the social spotlight, but I do show my colours when being questioned during class.

Try to follow h3rmit's suggestions since it's great advice. Also, cognitive behavioral therapy helps with autism. By reading what you said, it sounds like you have mild autism. I would recommend getting tested for it; the testing isn't hard and your insurance should cover it.

Thank you for your reply. I keep seeing that word come up a lot lately. I admit, it's scary. I guess it's scary when any new possible diagnosis comes up. I did get curious after reading
and
(the second one because I could relate to the post) and out of said curiosity, checked out the Autism/Asperger's areas on this website. I cannot deny I saw a lot of similarities there. Some that sounded so similar that they gave me pause. And in said moment of curiosity, I took the quiz on the site and got a thought provoking 40. I don't know what to make of any of it. I guess it is a possibility. Growing up, it always seemed like my mother... kind of "ignored" any problems that weren't "obvious" (by obvious I mean physical as I was always different than my siblings. though my memory is foggy, even I can remember that but I won't go too much into it here for fear of rambling on).

My problem is (and this is why my last diagnosis was MANY years ago) that I don't currently have insurance.

It helps to get an opinion, however, about which advice is ideal in my situation. I think I will definitely try h3rmit's now. Maybe even that PM if I can find the words... (I do admit I struggle with PMs sometimes).

I kind of understand what you mean at being slow processing. Generally, if I'm reading to myself, I can absorb the information easily. As a teenager, I could quote books back with relative ease. But in a learning environment, it's much different. I can learn, but processing it seems to take some time.

ETA: I will say that I never felt depression was entirely "right". It never seemed to fit. It was kind of like trying on shoes in the store and thinking "These are perfect. They're the right size." and then getting home and wearing them and realizing they're just a size too small. Basically, I always knew with certainty that I suffered some form of depression but a larger part of me always felt that something wasn't being explained. I always figured that was my desire for answers making me wonder. But that never stopped the feeling that there was something lying underneath that diagnosis. Looking back, I don't even remember how honest I was. I don't remember seeing the psychiatrist at all. I was about twelve/thirteen, which was around the same time my traumatic experience happened that... seemed to cause a brief pause in my memory. So, anything I said to my doctor is gone. I just know that they were calling it "depression".