Overwelmed

I would first like to point out that I am NOT suicidal or depressed. I am simply questioning my life choices. Now with that said...

Since watching the very first Iron Man in theaters, I dreamt about being just like Tony. An engineer. For the first time in my life, somebody actually made being smart look cool. Being that I don't come from a family with very high IQs, I kinda hid the fact that I'm kinda smart and like researching and whatnot. Now, obviously I don't. I flaunt my intelligence which pisses a lot of people off. Kinda funny actually.

Anyways, recently, I've been questioning college a little bit. Don't get me wrong, I love my teachers and classes. I have some of the coolest and funniest classmates but.... I haven't really had the best educational background. I moved around a lot because of stupid family problems and either credits messed me up or I just stopped caring. I had to learn the same lower level stuff over and over and never learn anything new. I'm in college right now and still taking Algebra....and kinda failing because I can't seem to grasp the concepts very well.It's very frustrating. Unfortunately, my chosen profession is very science and math heavy so being kinda ****** in both my math and science classes is a little discouraging. Also because of my ****** educational background, I feel like a 5 year old compared to my classmates. They talk like a college student should talk and I have no idea what they are fully saying. I feel incredibly stupid.

At this point, people say 'Oh, get a tutor!' Yeah, easier said than done. No money nor time because of my irritating ride situation. I try very hard to do well but sometimes I feel like I'm in over my head. Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed. I seriously feel like I am a failure and always will be a failure. I have no support from my family** AT ALL.

Some days I just want to burrow under my sheets and just stay there. Maybe this is because I hold myself to this incredibly high standard? I don't know anymore. I really hope I pass this semester or I will cry uncontrollably.

Any tips on how to make this a little easier? Helpful websites for Algebra or Chemistry? Any help is greatly appreciated.

** My grandparents actually think I'm incredibly greedy because I try to get as many grants and scholarships as possible to stay debt free.

Hello, RKORyder. Please consider talking to your instructors to see if they might be able to assist you. One of mine found me a tutor.

I wish you well.

I would maybe get out in the world and get some of the experience and support you feel you are lacking and then tackle school after that if you want. So far you have only known school and a less than supportive family. I'm 63 and now know that my work experience and day-to-day living did as much or more to make me successful in school, later. I have two bachelor degrees, one I got at 21, where I barely graduated, 2.00023 GPA and one I got when I was 56 with a 4.0 GPA in my major. I would definitely think of another track for yourself alone, that would work better for you.

I can think of only one approach to this difficult situation:

(1) If you are living away from home, move back home, and enroll at some college (a community college perhaps) so you can save money on room and board, and on tuition.

(2) While you are getting caught up in math, chemistry, etc., to where you should be at this stage, only take one or two classes, and work part-time. This will give you more time to really study algebra, chemistry, etc., whatever it is you need to work on. I don't think a tutor is what you need. Besides, they are so expensive. The libraries and bookstores are full of workbooks to make it easier to learn algebra, chemistry, etc. Get those. Use those. I assume you could find web sites that do the same thing for you, easier free ones or low cost ones. Going to college only part-time, and moving back home (if you are living away) will be embarrassing socially speaking. But it will prevent something that will be even more embarrassing: flunking out of college altogether. So, my basic recommendation is for you to slow down until you get caught up. But if you slow down, you will really have to resist the temptation to goof off. You must be disciplined. Otherwise, right here in the young days of your life you are going to screw up your life for the rest of your life. These days are crucial. What you do, or don't do, now, in these days, really determines the course and quality of your life. Well, you know that. But I'm just reminding you. You won't really get another chance to fix your life.

(3) I do believe you should remain in some sort of science or engineering field, since people in the easier college majors will never find jobs, and that will be the ultimate embarrassment.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me! It's amazing what we're able to do when we get older compared to when we're at the early stages of adulthood. What were your majors?

Thank you for all your wonderful suggestions! I am currently a full time student at the community college. No work yet because I'm terrible at balancing work and school I tried to do it when I was still in high school and ended up giving neither my full attention. I'm working on that but until then, I'm only in school. I also just moved back with my grandparents last year and they know about me just focusing on school.
I completely agree that flunking out of college would be a huge embarrassment. Especially since most of my family already thinks I will. Seeing as I'm the first of my family to actually go to college, the pressure to not fail is very high. I definitely don't want to prove them write. Thanks for the suggestions on the workbooks. I never thought of that! I will definitely be looking into that.

Your school probably has a tutoring/study center that is free: Harford Community College

I would do some studying there instead of at the library or by myself. Maybe they can suggest some things to try, study groups or something?

My husband is an electrical engineer and when he was in college he had an apartment with 3 roommates, a couple in his same program. They'd all do their work together at the dining room table, help each other, etc. Don't worry if it takes you longer to get through college, engineers often take 5 or more years (my husband took 5).