[sarahblue]

All I have left to complete my BS in Environmental Studies is to write a thesis. I have managed to put it off for SEVEN years now. This is on top of the fact that I am 52 years old and have been working on a bachelor's since I was 17.

At first, I selected a topic for the thesis and was researching wayyy too much. Then I changed my mind several times about my topic, then I just got caught up in life stuff. I last talked to my advisor 2 years ago (I live in another state now) and we came up with a plan. I would write a thesis based on 2 internships I have done. Except I didn't really complete the internships as required for the thesis. I lost the first one, and the second one is really more of an ongoing volunteer position than an actual internship. My advisor is aware of that, and is ok with it, but I still feel like a big fake. I've written maybe a few paragraphs and put it aside.

I don't need this for employment, I'm on SSDI, although I'd also like to work at least part-time. I really just want to finish this because it's a life milestone that I want to get behind me.

I would be so happy if I could finish it this summer -- or at least get a draft or something that I could show my advisor.

Sigh. Just looking for some feedback and some support.

[kaliope]

why don't you start by setting small goals for yourself. one half to an hour a day of working on writing the thesis. or at least writing note cards of what you would want to put into the thesis. a half hour sounds like a good start, the more cards you write and more involved you become the more time you will likely spend on it. you don't even have to do it in any particular order. just write ideas down on the cards as they come to you. sentences. paragraphs. you can organize them into categories later. who cares if you throw half the cards away when you are done. the idea is just to start writing and getting those thoughts down. take care.

[Perna]

Hey, don't pay any attention to the time/your age. I decided in 1967 what I wanted to study, my passion, but changed my major in 1970 and got a degree in a wholly different subject (1972) and finally got my degree in the "right" subject in 2007!

Decide you want to do this, are going to do this, however long it takes, however hard it is, etc. and then just work on it. One thing that has always been hard for me is having a goal and eventually getting there and then what? It's scary having something "finished" and having to look around and find something else to identify with? The older we get the harder I think it is, too, because we have already done most of what we wanted, tried what we were interested in, etc. so there is less and less out there left to do? But I am beginning to trust myself to come up with something, in my own time that fits me.

You have any environmental areas you can/would like to volunteer at? Check out your county's environmental page (mine below) and use something to get your juices flowing again: Harford County, Parks & Recreation - Nature & Environmental Programs

[Fresia]

As mentioned above, age should not be an issue. It took me 27 years to finish my bachelor's but was finally able to do it. I also know an 80 and 90 year olds who have done back to finish theirs that they started 60 years prior. It is not about age, it is about your desire and willingness to reach your goals.

It took small steps, breaking things down into manageable pieces, to get there when started back again. Find, even if it is 15-20 minutes or perhaps as much as 30 minutes at a time if up to it, to work on it and you will get there, know it and believe that you will. As long as you commit to SOME time (even if 10 minute increments to get started) and doing the work, you can do this! Wishing you well!

[spondiferous]

I don't have a story to share; I'm just beginning my degree at 35, though I keep changing my mind as to what that degree will be. But anyway, I just want to offer some encouragement. I think it would be great to see you finish your thesis and I agree with what some others have said; breaking it down into smaller steps will help. It also might help to sit down sometime when you have a few minutes and make a list of steps you need to take leading up to the writing process, so that you are prepared and can support yourself through the process. Good luck.

[Clementine10th]

I think I would approach it by doing 30 minutes writing at at time then reward yourself with something you enjoy. Eventually you'll have it done.
But I completely sympathise, I have sat and cried for hours at blank pages when I have being trying to do academic work.
Small steps..

[sarahblue]

It was so nice to come back to this thread and read all of your supportive posts! I think that's what I need most of all...just some folks to urge me to keep going!

I think the big thing that's stopping me is this feeling of being a fraud because I didn't do a "proper" internship. Also a lot of documentation got lost (read: my supervisor threw it away) so I have to try to remember things.

But I really have to remember that the first thing I produce won't be the final step. I'm sure that my advisor will have lots of feedback. So I just have to get SOMETHING done to send to her.

Oh, and Perna, I do volunteer locally, when I'm feeling better, at the Barrier Island Center. I really enjoy it, but I haven't done it much lately because...well, I haven't done much lately :/

[beeutterfly]

How wonderful for you to have come so far! Don't forget to praise yourself. I've had a similar issue with school. Well, with myself, really, for many years. Long story short, after a long hiatus from college I signed up for pharmacy tech program last year & have since completed. The first time I've completed anything since high school. Now I'm considering finishing my BS (appx half way) but just am not sure.

Anyway, reading your post & the replies here are encouraging to me. I know I'm not alone. Why are we so afraid of succeeding? Maybe we'll never know, but we have to keep fighting it.

Sent from my LG-MS770 using Tapatalk

[sarahblue]

Long story short, after a long hiatus from college I signed up for pharmacy tech program last year & have since completed.

beeutterfly, congratulations on completing your program! I think you're right that it's important to give myself credit for how far I've come already. I just need to stop listening to the negative self-talk, and also I need to set myself a deadline, because otherwise, I'm probably going to let this go for another year...or more.

I had some successes last year, challenging myself to do things I didn't think I could do: I completed a Master Naturalist course, one of three needed to become a certified Master Naturalist in Florida; and I also wrote a novella during National Novel Writing Month. I never thought that I could put that many words on paper!

This year's been kind of a dud so far, I just can't seem to get going on anything. But July is Camp NaNo, an extension of National Novel Writing Month, and I've decided that I will take that time to get this done

[Travelinglady]

Feel free to share with us as you are getting the work done, sarahblue. We will be happy to congratulate you.

"Get 'er done!" You can do it! Just start by writing down whatever comes to mind about the internship for as long as you can. That will be the beginning of a real rough draft. And then take the small steps. And as you say, you can start getting feedback from your advisor.

Hey, you wrote a novella, so in some ways, this project will be easier!

You are NOT a fake, ya hear?

[spondiferous]

Originally Posted by sarahblue

I think the big thing that's stopping me is this feeling of being a fraud because I didn't do a "proper" internship. Also a lot of documentation got lost (read: my supervisor threw it away) so I have to try to remember things.

But I really have to remember that the first thing I produce won't be the final step. I'm sure that my advisor will have lots of feedback. So I just have to get SOMETHING done to send to her.

It's so easy to get overwhelmed by the stuff that hasn't been done instead of doing what I can. For years I have put off going to college because I simply couldn't decide what to take, and then I thought it would be too overwhelming with my mental health stuff, but I could only ever thinking about going full time. I couldn't even consider allowing myself to go part-time; that just simply wouldn't be good enough.

People would tell me, just go and take one class at a time. And I would get anxious. No, no, I can't do that. I can't do that. It's too slow; I'll be 80 when I graduate. Yet here I am. I did that in the Fall and Spring semesters, and then took 3 courses this summer, which means that at the end of August I will have finished 1/8 of a degree. And I have to break down my English assignments because, quite frankly, they baffle me. I have to do the readings. Then think on them for a couple days, think about what ideas I want to expand on. Then reread it. Then begin the first draft. Then reread it again. And then just write everything I'm thinking out into one document, without editing or even thinking, I'm writing too much, too little, it's off-topic, etc. I don't think about that until I've written my entire first draft.

I usually give myself a break after that. I usually take many breaks during it. Then I put it away for a day. Then I will sit down and revise it several times, taking breaks in between paragraphs, rereading the text, until I am satisfied with it, then give it to my wife to read, tell me what she thinks, make some more revisions, and submit it. The whole process takes me a week. And that's just on a 250-500 word paragraph/essay.

So yeah. Break it up as small as you have to, and start wherever you have to start. Who knows? Maybe in the process of doing what you have to do, you will learn so much more than you did before. I think sometimes we do get caught up in the process of essays and theses - after all, they are a big deal and cause a lot of anxiety - but learning can be exciting.

I wrote my English midterm on Saturday. We only had 2 hours, going in cold without knowing what the source text was, having to write a form we haven't written yet. I was certain I was going to perform poorly. But I got my grade back last night: an A. I was flabbergasted. The funny thing is, the last thing on the source text was a note from the teacher: "Most of all, relax and have fun writing the essay." When I saw that the first time, I almost laughed; have fun?? Writing in these conditions?? Yeah right! But I did have fun.

[sarahblue]

spondiferous, that is fantastic! I would also add that I think English may be difficult for you because you care very much about it, which is a beautiful thing. But I hope that you can learn to have some fun while writing. I find that writing is like a walk in the woods: when you get off the beaten path, you never know what surprises you will find.

That's kind of the funny thing: I love to write, it's just big projects that are overwhelming.

Oh, well, I guess I'd better get going on this thesis instead of posting here so much! But again, thanks all for your feedback and support.

[Funflowerpower11]

Getting a college degree can be very stressful. You just have to focus on one day at a time and try not to think about how long this project will take you. It seems like you are panicking about how you will get this project done in time. Maybe you could set a certain time everyday to focus on working on your paper. Best of luck! Always remember, "This too shall pass."

[sarahblue]

Well, I dug out the binder with my notes for the thesis (I have a very improvised work area and my stuff keeps getting dumped into boxes). Next up: clearing some more space to work in.

[hvert]

Aim for an intentionally crappy first draft and take the pressure off!

You are certainly in good company -- I wonder why so many of us put off that last class/thesis/whatever before graduation? I waited two years to take a test required for my last degree. The amount of time I spent dreading it and beating myself up for not doing it took way longer than the test or studying for the test. My brother has had 'one more class' for the past few years. It's very common!

Good luck with the camp nanowrimo! I hope it goes well

[Perna]

There really isn't a "too late"/slow, etc. in our own lives as they are wholly what we want. I took a correspondence writing course Long Ridge Writers Group that got difficult for me and the time ran out before I finished and I felt like a failure but then I decided I wanted to finish it so I would not feel so bad so I asked for an extension and finished it. I felt so good about myself I turned around and paid to take the course again, start to finish with the same teacher and the second time around was amazing, my writing really improved, etc.

[sarahblue]

After some creative procrastination, I can say that I've finally got a first draft good enough to submit to my advisor! I've e-mailed her and hope to hear from her this week.

[hvert]

You go! Yay for good enough

[mycatsmokes]

Just blag it. My father says he has a degree from the London School of Economics. I guess if you are going to blag, you might as well blag big.

My father in law says he has a degree in engineering (in reality started but never finished).

Neither one of them has ever been busted for it to the best of my knowledge. On the other hand I have a real degree from a real university. To think that I could have instead just spent those four years drinking beer, smoking pot and chasing girls. Oh, wait...

[sarahblue]

Well, I learned a new word today -- I'd never heard the term "blag" before.

Getting a real degree is a personal milestone that I want to achieve. I doubt it's going to affect my future very much, but it's been a long road and I've fought every step of the way due to bipolar depression, so I want to really do it.

[nicoleflynn]

I won a scholarship at age 60 because of what I wrote about my life and am a Sophomore at 67!...social work.

[Contigo]

I can totally relate with you sarahblue. I am in the middle of working on my dissertation, and it has been complete agony to keep going. I have dropped it several times on account of my depression dips, but I pick it up again and work. The good thing is that I have all my fieldwork done, so now I need to analyze my data and WRITE!

I hate the feeling of pushing back the date for finishing my work and finally graduating! But, I am trying not to be too hard on myself because I am doing what I can, and I found out the hard way that if I push myself too much to get something finished, I end up in a very bad mental and emotional state when I'm done.

I hope all is going well for you now. It seems that everyone gave great advise! Thank you for sharing!

My parents paid a lot of money back in 2004 after finished school to go to an institute and take a degree,2 years later i failed several times to pass exams and take degree,then i just frustrated and gave up.Failure.

Now,i went for a second time to an institute,this time it was free without money,but again i'm not sure will make it to finish and take the degree.I was always mediocre student.

[Monk Watcher]

I've been a writer (getting published) since 1980. Maybe I can help. What's your topic?

Originally Posted by Monk Watcher

I've been a writer (getting published) since 1980. Maybe I can help. What's your topic?

http://forums.psychcentral.com/copin...d-useless.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/work-...lying-job.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...oneliness.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...uggestion.html

Choose one and write what you like.