Burnout

Hey there, everyone. This is going to be a little long, sorry. So i have this exam coming up in like 15 months which will literally change my whole life. I get really anxious over it and it usually goes like this: (Ps i'll be posting this at the anxiety forum too)

#1 I study, study and study.

#2 I get too nervous at some point and can't bear the thought of studying any longer. I get cramps in my stomach whenever i try to do so.

#3 I drop the studying for a while, trying to relax and relieve all the tension.

#4 Then i feel guilty and i can't help but think "i should be studying right this moment. i should be studying right this moment. i'm wasting time. i'm falling behind. i'm no good."

#5 It doesn't help that every single friend of mine is studying whenever i see them.

#6 The guilt increases my stress level and it becomes the only thing i can ever think of; the fact that i'm so stressed.

#7 It enables me from studying cause i can't focus.

#8 It enables me from relaxing and having fun for a change, cause i feel stuck and guess what, guilty.

#9 I end up freaking out.

Aaaand i have recently started showing those syptoms:

*tense muscles
*involuntary trembling of the body
*tension headaches
*fatigue
*poor concentration
*difficulty remembering things
*diarrhea

common symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder, ya know.

6 months ago i have finally managed to overcome depression, which was caused by my studies (again) in the first place. And now this. I know i just gotta "drop the attitude" and "chill out", but i've got these pretty high standarts. Everyone, myself included, expects A LOT from me. Failing is not an option, average or above average is not an option. Perfect, it has to be. I know i have been pushing myself too far for too long, but seriously, i don't honestly know what else i'm supposed to do to achieve my disturbingly high goals, which i have the potential to achieve but still need to work my *** off. (did i sound too egoistic over there? hopefully not)

Overall, i know i've babbled to much, but if anyone has anything to say about my "situation", please do share. I'd love some extra opinions and i'd be grateful for the help.

With love,

A Success Obsessed So Called Perfectionist Girl.

You know, it is always great to set high standards for yourself in whatever you do but you have to be realistic in your expectations. If you are having all these symptoms and problems then you have set unrealistic standards for yourself. You are obviously very smart so sit down and think this through. Your body is telling you that it needs a break from all this anxiety and you need to do something about that. If you don't you will see a physical decline in your body that will take a long time to fix. You have 15 months to be ready for the test so take it easy, study a little then find something fun to do or a place to go to that will exercise your body and not just your mind. Find another interest or activity that you are passionate about and go do it. Relax!!!!!

Actually, doing something psysical seems like a decent idea. Something i could get it all out. And i have always been into yoga, i could try to warm up to that again.

Thinking about it... Well, i have been playing violin and piano for like a decade. I used to play them for hours a day, but looking back now, i hardly ever touch them. Perhaps i should give those more time and see what music will do to my anxiety as well as um, spiritual recovery? Not sure if that's a thing, it sounded right. haha

This sounds like some really big exam. (I mean it sounds bigger than just an exam.) Is it an SAT or something career-oriented? I never got anxious studying in college. I would get anxious if a test was coming up and I was having a difficult time understanding something or behind in homework or reading. Then I would have to cram and really get down to the nitty-gritty details. I had some semesters where I had lots of difficulties taking tests because I was having emotional problems and was easily distracted and the class sizes were large with people coughing, turning pages, dropping books and I would totally lose my train-of-thought. I also played guitar a lot when I was younger like you.

It's kinda like SAT, just has a little bit of different curriculm, but other than that yeap, it's career oriented.

It's also scary that just one exam gets to define your whole future. That's where i start getting freaked out.

I'm not a big believer in studying for tests. If you focus, instead, on doing enough homework on a daily or weekly basis, then you really don't need that much studying right before the test. On the other hand, if you haven't been keeping up with the pace of the course, then last minute studying isn't really going to save you.

If you're taking courses that interest you, then it shouldn't seem all that miserable to spend time with your books on a daily basis. If you tend to ignore your academic work until a few days before a test, then ask yourself what you're doing putting all this time in school. You might be better off leaving school and going and getting a job. Why rack up all that student loan debt for a degree that doesn't guarantee you a job anyway.

be nice to yourself