The politics at my university is ridiculous and I have no idea how to deal with it or at the very least shrug it off without shattering my already fragile self-esteem.

Basically, I get used, treated like a child by my peers (by the way, I'm a doctoral student and even though I'm on the younger side, I'm certainly not a child), and other's work is put ahead of mine despite mine being clearly superior. I don't mean this in an arrogant way…this is coming from someone with low self esteem and without much confidence in the work I do and in my own knowledge. And I see the equivalent of a kindergartner's drawing taking a precedence over my equivalent of an adult artist's painting and I get really confused. Then I realize that it's all politics.

But I don't know exactly why. Is it because I'm too much of a loner and so I'm not "best friends" with everyone? I'm start to suspect most of those friendships are fake anyway… I wouldn't know how to start or maintain friendships with people I feel uncomfortable around anyway. Is it because I don't have an assistantship so I'm somehow a "loser"? Is it because my dad is prominent in a different industry than my own so people don't know who he is and therefore I have no name recognition? Is it because I'm not best friends with the head of the department's kid?

(That's actually based on a true story. My boyfriend was promised a great assistantship here so he accepted, then all of a sudden it didn't exist anymore so he got nothing. Then this guy-the best friend of the department head's son-shows up and gets that assistantship. Perhaps it was under a different name, but it was the SAME ASSISTANTSHIP. Even worse was they tried to bring this guy in a year earlier and were prepared to kick someone else out of the program in order to make room for him. That guy's only crime was that he had the audacity to be in the same program as our Golden Boy here. And we wouldn't want the rabble standing in the way of our Golden Boy now would we?! Thankfully he deferred, but they would have pulled that trigger.)

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why. All that matters is that it's happening on a level that is detrimental to me AND to my boyfriend. I don't know how to deal with this or how to rectify the situation. I feel like it's put both of our futures in serious jeopardy. There's not enough room to write down all the insidious things that are happening here, but they want us both (and other people I expect) to fail. Either one of us could be removed from the program to make room for someone more "important" next year. We're not allowed any teaching experience or really any experience that might actually get us hired someday. No matter what happens, I'm walking out of this program feeling worthless and that my degree is meaningless.

[Skeezyks]

Hello I.Am.The.End.: Politics, it seems, is everywhere... & has been for a very long time in my estimation. I was never very good at dealing with this sort of thing either & I know it hurt my career (such as it was...) I hope that both you & your boyfriend will be able to survive this unfortunate experience & find success on the other side.

[nicoleflynn]

I work at a University and am a Sophomore at 69. Don't allow that garbage to color how you feel about yourself and what you are doing. Knowing the difference between OUR stuff and THEIR stuff is a big key. I know all about politics at a University. you can't do anything about their childish game playing politics, but you CAN do something about the way you feel about yourself and be proud of what you are doing. No matter where you go in life, there will always be politics, etc. hugs

If I'm this terrible at the political system now, how do I get a job in the future? My best (if not only) chance to make a consistent income is to be a professor.

It's the combination of being used by people who I thought I might be able to be friends with (I struggle very much with creating and maintaining friendships) and having work rejected solely because of who I am and/or my lack of popularity.

And the strange thing is, most professors really like me. I'm just being pushed around or treated like I don't matter by other grad students. I've always been loved by teachers and shunned by most of my peers though. I should be used to it by now, but after I graduate, there will be no more teachers, only peers.

[DesigningWoman]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

If I'm this terrible at the political system now, how do I get a job in the future? My best (if not only) chance to make a consistent income is to be a professor.

It's the combination of being used by people who I thought I might be able to be friends with (I struggle very much with creating and maintaining friendships) and having work rejected solely because of who I am and/or my lack of popularity.

And the strange thing is, most professors really like me. I'm just being pushed around or treated like I don't matter by other grad students. I've always been loved by teachers and shunned by most of my peers though. I should be used to it by now, but after I graduate, there will be no more teachers, only peers.

I understand. I also have profs like me a great deal more than my peers. I am closer in age and maturity to my profs in grad school than the other students. I seriously doubt I would move onto into a PhD program when I finish my second master's. My family all have Master's or PhDs and teach in Unis and one in a community college.
I would say that professor/admin politics are going to be a part of learning and working in that environment. I have never heard of a university or college where it isn't. Collegiality is a factor in achieving tenure.
You really might consider working with a therapist on communication, relaxation, and conflict resolution skills. Yes, you are correct that the system can be capricious and unfair. Learning to work within it and have it not stress and upset you could be very important to your long term peace of mind

I understand there's going to be politics everywhere, especially in universities and especially when receiving tenure. This is just some of the worst I've encountered so far.

I'm just concerned because I've never fit in anywhere. I've never found where I'm supposed to be in my field. Also, between my interests and degrees, it would be difficult to find a job in higher ed anyway. In retrospect I should have gotten my doctorate in another subfield. I really don't want to have to go back and get another one because at this point I wouldn't be able to afford it unless I got a full tuition waiver or something. And it would be 3+ years getting essentially the same degree again but with a different dissertation.

[Strive4health]

I hate to say it, but this doesn't end after you graduate from school. It continues into the workplace, and it gets even worse.

I've found it difficult to "fit" in places too, and ironically the last workplace I started to fit in better and was getting accepted by my coworkers (was the only female software developer) until I was eliminated.

If you can, take a step back and survey the landscape . . . what professor(s) do you like? Is there one you especially respect even if in a different subfield? Request an appointment with him (her), inquire about their work, ask for advice/guidance, demonstrate you respect for their work, talk about the future, establish a relationship - perhaps they could mentor you. Or, they could point you in the direction of an opportunity you would otherwise not be aware of . . . they no doubt have an academic network outside of your college campus. Or, if they say something a bit vague, like "it would be really great if someone did some work on X" - maybe that would be your queue to follow through on that. When you are done with the meeting, send them a hand-written thank you(!), regardless of outcome. Drop in with a Hello every once in awhile.

I'd concentrate on spying opportunities to build relationships with the tenured folks and leave the issue of politics unspoken as much as possible.

[DesigningWoman]

Onward, this is great advice. Taking proactive, positive steps can really help a situation as opposed to beating your head against it. I completely agree to stay away from Uni departmental politics and choosing sides. It can be hard not to get involved in negative discussions, but it is good practice for the future.

How do I not "choose sides"? Do I break up with my boyfriend and not have any friends? Do I not talk to any other grad students ever again? Talking to another grad student is considered choosing sides. It's most likely because I'm friendly with (not even close friends) one person that another person decided to screw me over because they have some sort of weird feud. So do I need to never talk to her again? She's actually someone who's been nice to me and someone I could be friends with if I knew how to make and maintain friendships.

There are so many things out of my control that cause me to inadvertently choose sides. The fact that I don't have a teaching assistantship, the fact that my dad is in another field, the fact that I'm female. Maybe I should just hide who I am even more? It's clearly because I don't try to be a carbon copy of everyone else that I'm unlikable to most people. Am I only allowed my own opinions as long as I agree with everyone else? What's so wrong with respectfully disagreeing with someone?

I didn't think being different meant I deserved to be bullied and shunned. But then again, that's probably one of those opinions that I'm supposed to not have.

[DesigningWoman]

You are emotionally overreacting to what you think I meant. All the above posts from me and another member were attempts to be positive and helpful because you posted for help. They were simple suggestions. That's all, suggestions. It's too bad the situation you are in is toxic. It is unfortunate that you couldn't see all I was trying to do was mildly suggest ideas from my point of view.