[XoAnnie4]

Hello all!

Every day when I go to school I always feel extremely embarrassed to be seen by others because of what I’m wearing. My parents are the overprotective type and they think that if I get cold I’ll get sick so they make me bundle up. I have to wear a massive down parka which is so heavy and bulky that I actually have trouble moving around in it. The parka is knee length and has a big furry hood. Underneath this parka I have to wear long puffy coat. As if that wasn’t bad enough, my parents also make me wear snow pants and oversized boots. They also make me wear a hat, a scarf, mittens, and my hoods up.

Nobody else at school dressed like this and it’s so embarrassing to be so bundled up. Especially when I undress in the hallway and stuff all that in my locker, and after school when I have to put everything back on.

I really hate being embarrassed every day does anyone know what to do?

[smallbluefish]

When I was in high school I used to deal with this from my parents, too! I would often spend time putting together outfits that made me feel good and that I could wear under my parka, so that at least there was something that made me feel like myself underneath all those layers. If this is possible or interesting to you, maybe it's something you could try?

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by smallbluefish

When I was in high school I used to deal with this from my parents, too! I would often spend time putting together outfits that made me feel good and that I could wear under my parka, so that at least there was something that made me feel like myself underneath all those layers. If this is possible or interesting to you, maybe it's something you could try?

At least I’m not alone in this, how did your parents make you dress? And that’s something that I could be doing more of, for me it’s just the embarrassment of everyone seeing me when I’m bundled up, and other students seeing me taking off and putting all my winter clothes back on at school.

[smallbluefish]

Originally Posted by XoAnnie4

At least I’m not alone in this, how did your parents make you dress? And that’s something that I could be doing more of, for me it’s just the embarrassment of everyone seeing me when I’m bundled up, and other students seeing me taking off and putting all my winter clothes back on at school.

I wore similar clothes--a puffy parka that went down to my knees with a furry hood, boots, a hat, scarf, oversized boots! It didn't help that almost all of these things were a size too big for me, haha. But yes, that makes sense, getting all the layers on/off can feel like an ordeal. That being said I feel like a lot of other people have experienced embarrassment from overprotective parents too, even if in other ways, so they probably understand that it's your parents and not you who decided on those clothes!

Would it help to think about what people who care about you for your personality think about you, rather than those who you might worry about seeing you? They probably like you for reasons other than how you dress, and who knows maybe they even appreciate it as a quirk!

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by smallbluefish

I wore similar clothes--a puffy parka that went down to my knees with a furry hood, boots, a hat, scarf, oversized boots! It didn't help that almost all of these things were a size too big for me, haha. But yes, that makes sense, getting all the layers on/off can feel like an ordeal. That being said I feel like a lot of other people have experienced embarrassment from overprotective parents too, even if in other ways, so they probably understand that it's your parents and not you who decided on those clothes!

Would it help to think about what people who care about you for your personality think about you, rather than those who you might worry about seeing you? They probably like you for reasons other than how you dress, and who knows maybe they even appreciate it as a quirk!

My parka is way too big for me too, my parents bought it too big to fit all the layers I have to wear under it. I literally always have to wear my hoods up with the scarf wrapped around them so all you can see are my eyes. And that’s true, but I’m by far the most bundled up student at my school. And that’s a tough one for me, I have trouble making friends.

[smallbluefish]

That's fair. I wish I could remember exactly what I did to try and change my embarrassment, or if I did anything at all, so that I could share! If getting sick is the concern of your parents, and you're still able to have conversations with them about this even if they are unsatisfactory, maybe bring up the ways you can get sick by being too bundled up? Like overheating, body pain from the weight of all the layers, etc.?

Or, potentially, bringing a small bag to school where you can stuff some layers on the way to / from school, so that you're not dealing with as many layers at your locker. Not ideal, but maybe better than having to throw the clothes away or pretend to lose them or something like that?

[Perna]

If I were you, I'd take comfort in that you look so very over-the-top wrapped that it is almost amusing? I'd go with rolling my eyes if anyone seems to be looking at you and muttering "Parents!" or something just loud enough to be heard It's just layers of clothing? It's not "You". Just about everyone's parents have some quirk that embarrasses them?

But I feel for you; my stepmother made a lot of my clothes (including a faux "fur" hat that was an odd shape and shed horribly) still when I was in high school and they weren't exactly fashionable so I know that awkward feeling that I didn't fit in. If one is sensitive in the first place, additional burdens of seemingly "wrong" clothes or schedules (one of my girlfriends in high school was required by her mother to go home immediately and take a nap every afternoon!) or any other way we feel we "stick out" can be challenging.

Maybe you can use it to your advantage? If someone looks too long at you while you're undressing, you could give a laugh and ask them if they need a coat, you have extra? One of my favorite sayings that I still use is, "You're the right size, it's the pants that don't fit!" It's not you who are insisting on all the coats, it's your parents; don't take on the burden of their mistaken beliefs. They love you, they want you to stay well; just think fondly of them, shake your head and shed the coats :-)

[Teddy Bear]

I'm sorry your parents worry to much

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by smallbluefish

That's fair. I wish I could remember exactly what I did to try and change my embarrassment, or if I did anything at all, so that I could share! If getting sick is the concern of your parents, and you're still able to have conversations with them about this even if they are unsatisfactory, maybe bring up the ways you can get sick by being too bundled up? Like overheating, body pain from the weight of all the layers, etc.?

Or, potentially, bringing a small bag to school where you can stuff some layers on the way to / from school, so that you're not dealing with as many layers at your locker. Not ideal, but maybe better than having to throw the clothes away or pretend to lose them or something like that?

That’s funny because whenever I tell them that I’m too bundled up they always tell me that being too bundled up is better than getting sick. I don’t get body pain but I do get pretty hot in all my layers. And I’ll be honest I’ve always thought about doing something like that but I’m paranoid that somehow my parents would find out if I did that.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by Perna

If I were you, I'd take comfort in that you look so very over-the-top wrapped that it is almost amusing? I'd go with rolling my eyes if anyone seems to be looking at you and muttering "Parents!" or something just loud enough to be heard It's just layers of clothing? It's not "You". Just about everyone's parents have some quirk that embarrasses them?

But I feel for you; my stepmother made a lot of my clothes (including a faux "fur" hat that was an odd shape and shed horribly) still when I was in high school and they weren't exactly fashionable so I know that awkward feeling that I didn't fit in. If one is sensitive in the first place, additional burdens of seemingly "wrong" clothes or schedules (one of my girlfriends in high school was required by her mother to go home immediately and take a nap every afternoon!) or any other way we feel we "stick out" can be challenging.

Maybe you can use it to your advantage? If someone looks too long at you while you're undressing, you could give a laugh and ask them if they need a coat, you have extra? One of my favorite sayings that I still use is, "You're the right size, it's the pants that don't fit!" It's not you who are insisting on all the coats, it's your parents; don't take on the burden of their mistaken beliefs. They love you, they want you to stay well; just think fondly of them, shake your head and shed the coats :-)

That’s something I could definitely try, if I own the look and sorta laugh at myself maybe I wouldn’t be so embarrassed. But that’s easier said than done. The problem is that I’m so over the top wrapped up that others find it amusing. There are some students who always snicker and kinda laugh when I’m getting into my winter clothes at the end of the day. Sometimes someone will say something like “It’s cold out there Annie you better bundle up” when I shuffle past them in all my coats.

At least since it’s the weekend right now I don’t have to worry about going to school and dealing with that, but I’m always afraid that I’ll run in to someone I know if I leave my house. Anyone who knows me will be able to spot me from a mile away because of my winter clothes.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by Teddy Bear

I'm sorry your parents worry to much

They are literally always worried about me, even over the stupidest things. I’ve had a few bad fevers and pneumonia once, which is why they make me bundle up so much. The day before yesterday it was literally over 50 degrees outside and we all went to a nature reservation. My parents still made me wear my usual winter outfit. I know they worry about me because they care, but it still doesn’t help with my social anxiety and self esteem issues.

[TishaBuv]

Tell them they are forcing you to over bundle and that you want to wear a reasonable amount of coat. Explain to them they are making you over heat which is not good for you. Tell them you are embarrassed and not making friends due to their paranoia. Refuse to let them bully you.

If that doesn’t work. Take off what you don’t want to wear as soon as you are out of their sight. Lose the extra jacket perhaps?

I used to hide the clothes I was wearing from my mother until I was out of her sight.

My children never let me control them as to what they wore. I even let my son wear a fox tail when he wanted to!

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Tell them they are forcing you to over bundle and that you want to wear a reasonable amount of coat. Explain to them they are making you over heat which is not good for you. Tell them you are embarrassed and not making friends due to their paranoia. Refuse to let them bully you.

If that doesn’t work. Take off what you don’t want to wear as soon as you are out of their sight. Lose the extra jacket perhaps?

I used to hide the clothes I was wearing from my mother until I was out of her sight.

My children never let me control them as to what they wore. I even let my son wear a fox tail when he wanted to!

I’ve told my parents a million times that I don’t want to wear so much winter clothes, but they just say that if I’m not bundled up then I’m gonna get sick. Honestly I would feel bad about disobeying my parents and lying to them about it. Plus I would get in trouble if they found out. You can’t even really see the extra coat underneath my parka. And my backpack isn’t big enough to hold my parka.

[ken9018]

I've been where you are. Believe me it helps because the other students will be the ones who's bones are aching when they get old because they didn't have cold weather clothes on. I also still do go through it sometimes because I'm extremely anemic. When its 50 outside, I'm still wrapped up because I'm freezing. Yes people stare, but people don't know I'm freezing cold. I developed a thick skin for people staring at me a long time ago. Develop your own thick skin and tough it out and you'll be just fine. Good luck!

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by XoAnnie4

I’ve told my parents a million times that I don’t want to wear so much winter clothes, but they just say that if I’m not bundled up then I’m gonna get sick. Honestly I would feel bad about disobeying my parents and lying to them about it. Plus I would get in trouble if they found out. You can’t even really see the extra coat underneath my parka. And my backpack isn’t big enough to hold my parka.

I wouldn’t normally tell a kid to disrespect her parents, but if they are wrong, they are wrong. Do you need the two coats to stay warm or is this over heating you? I’m from the South so have been spared this horrid winter.

[smallbluefish]

Originally Posted by XoAnnie4

I’ve told my parents a million times that I don’t want to wear so much winter clothes, but they just say that if I’m not bundled up then I’m gonna get sick. Honestly I would feel bad about disobeying my parents and lying to them about it. Plus I would get in trouble if they found out. You can’t even really see the extra coat underneath my parka. And my backpack isn’t big enough to hold my parka.

hmm. looking back, I think I "disobeyed" my parents by gradually demonstrating my autonomy. for example, you don't have to disobey them right away by not wearing the puffy jackets altogether--but start asserting your choices by emphasizing how you want to be the one who chooses the style and design of your parka, for example.

ideally, that way your parents will have to see you as a partner in this making this rule about wearing the parka. and maybe eventually they will be able to accept your autonomy to the point where you can refuse to wear the parka altogether, because they see you're capable of knowing what's best for yourself.

not that you should have to prove to them you're responsible just to have your autonomy taken seriously--but could be a place to start?

[TishaBuv]

I totally lied to and defied my mother when she made some demand I thought was pointless or I didn’t want to do. I didn’t get caught either. Your parents do not control everything about you. When you have parents with an unbendable and faulty attitude, it’s simplest to just tell them what they want to hear and then do what you want behind their backs. That’s how I handled an unreasonable parent. And also, that’s how I handled being a ‘bratty kid’.

If I thought their telling you to wear two coats was best for you, I’d be supportive of them. But, I think they are being too over protective at your expense.

[TishaBuv]

Look at it this way, if you were cold, you would wear the jacket, right? You are smart enough to know when you feel hot or cold.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by ken9018

I've been where you are. Believe me it helps because the other students will be the ones who's bones are aching when they get old because they didn't have cold weather clothes on. I also still do go through it sometimes because I'm extremely anemic. When its 50 outside, I'm still wrapped up because I'm freezing. Yes people stare, but people don't know I'm freezing cold. I developed a thick skin for people staring at me a long time ago. Develop your own thick skin and tough it out and you'll be just fine. Good luck!

Well then my bones will definitely be fine lol I try to ignore the weird looks and the teasing but it’s a lot easier said than done. It always feels like people are judging me or laughing at me whenever they see me in my winter clothes.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I wouldn’t normally tell a kid to disrespect her parents, but if they are wrong, they are wrong. Do you need the two coats to stay warm or is this over heating you? I’m from the South so have been spared this horrid winter.

No I definitely don’t need two coats to stay warm. My inner coat would be enough on its own, it’s a knee length puffy coat and is pretty thick. My outer parka is huge and very very heavy. It’s so thick and bulky that I can barely move my arms lol. I also definitely don’t need to be wearing snow pants and my giant boots, but my parents won’t let me go outside without all that stuff on.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by smallbluefish

hmm. looking back, I think I "disobeyed" my parents by gradually demonstrating my autonomy. for example, you don't have to disobey them right away by not wearing the puffy jackets altogether--but start asserting your choices by emphasizing how you want to be the one who chooses the style and design of your parka, for example.

ideally, that way your parents will have to see you as a partner in this making this rule about wearing the parka. and maybe eventually they will be able to accept your autonomy to the point where you can refuse to wear the parka altogether, because they see you're capable of knowing what's best for yourself.

not that you should have to prove to them you're responsible just to have your autonomy taken seriously--but could be a place to start?

They bought me the parka pretty recently, and it’s super expensive so there’s no way they would buy another one any time soon. I don’t think my parents doubt that I’m responsible, they’re just extremely overprotective.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I totally lied to and defied my mother when she made some demand I thought was pointless or I didn’t want to do. I didn’t get caught either. Your parents do not control everything about you. When you have parents with an unbendable and faulty attitude, it’s simplest to just tell them what they want to hear and then do what you want behind their backs. That’s how I handled an unreasonable parent. And also, that’s how I handled being a ‘bratty kid’.

If I thought their telling you to wear two coats was best for you, I’d be supportive of them. But, I think they are being too over protective at your expense.

They’re definitely being too overprotective but I would still feel bad if I lied to them. Plus if they caught me not wearing my winter clothes I would get in trouble.

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Look at it this way, if you were cold, you would wear the jacket, right? You are smart enough to know when you feel hot or cold.

Yes I definitely don’t want to be cold, I just hate dressing like I’m in the Arctic lol. If it were up to me I wouldn’t wear my outer parka and snow pants, I would just wear one of my coats.

[BeaFlower]

Hi XoAnnie. I'm sorry you feel embarrassed, I understand, my parents wanted me to be warm too (though less than yours) and sometimes I was embarrassed that the other girls wore prettier clothes. Do your schoolmates tell you something, or is it you who feel they could judge you because if this? Maybe they don't.
How about you ask your parents if you can change at least something in your clothes, for example the trousers?

[XoAnnie4]

Originally Posted by BeaFlower

Hi XoAnnie. I'm sorry you feel embarrassed, I understand, my parents wanted me to be warm too (though less than yours) and sometimes I was embarrassed that the other girls wore prettier clothes. Do your schoolmates tell you something, or is it you who feel they could judge you because if this? Maybe they don't.
How about you ask your parents if you can change at least something in your clothes, for example the trousers?

What clothes did your parents make you wear? And yes the other students laugh at me and make fun of me because of how much I have to bundle up. I always ask my parents not to wear the snow pants but they’re set on it. I know they won’t let me change anything about my winter outfit.