[Perna]

I was just remembering how often I find I like/dislike something I haven't tried or haven't tried for a long time. Sometimes I get an opinion about a food or what helps/doesn't help me with a particular problem (aches and pains, for example) and keep doing that thing when it may have quit helping or my circumstances may have changed.

I think every now and then it's a good idea to review set habits or patterns, make sure they still work? It's kind of like why we go to therapy; our old, childhood patterns and beliefs have been outgrown but we've forgotten to change them.

We get to thinking we know ourselves and that may be true, but ourselves could be changing and growing and we're not keeping up!

[Lisa Michelle]

I think it's good to keep up with the change, or even recognise the change and let it be even bigger and better It's definitely a good question to ask "does this belief or behaviour still help me?" ... I think that's what you were saying.

Most of my old thought patterns are negative and serve no purpose (nor did they ever), I'm only now able to address that and choose to have a different thought pattern that will serve me better.

I could work on setting new habits, though, especially when it comes to getting up and doing something with my days. Motivation would be a good habit to cultivate!

[Perna]

I'm looking too at things that we don't think about at all. I remember when I was a child and hated cooked carrots. Now I like them fine. Lots of little things change, or may have changed and we don't realize it, keep "hating" cooked carrots just because we know we did at one time.

I use to make statements like, "I'd never do that!" only to find an experience would come along and I'd do that. The problem when I said I'd never is that I was just being intellectual and hadn't had any real experience around "that" and didn't really know what I was talking about!

[sanityseeker]

Great thought Perna. I have been musing on that myself today. My family has revealed a level of understanding and compassion that I didn't know they had for me and my condition. It feels great and is forcing me to rethink a lot about how much I let them into my life.

They want me to tell them how they can help and support me. I am lost for specific ideas because I have always been self sufficient. I find myself questioning if my reliance on self sufficiency is authentic or a defense.

I wonder now if rather than handling things on my own, preferring to be given lots of space to deal with my symptoms when they flare up is properly motivated. I have always thought it is best to avoid the strain of engaging with people when I am having a difficult time. Coping in the quietness of my own spaces.

Today I was wondering if that were in fact best for me. Perhaps I keep people away because I don't fully trust their intentions and that causes me to perform in their presence. To be who I think will be acceptable to them so that they don't judge or reject me. If I can't trust people's intentions then how can I receive anything from them. If I can't trust people to really care then I am compelled to perform. Performance is stressful so naturally I would choose to avoid it if I am needing to accommodate a symptom flare.

What if I did trust them to care. To accept me as I am. To understand the condition enough to not judge me when I am not doing well. What if I believed their expression of love and their desire to help me. What if I didn't feel the need to perform; to mask my pain; to cover up. Would freedom from those things mean that people could help me through the hard times. Maybe coping in silence isn't my best strategy after all.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Perna

I remember when I was a child and hated cooked carrots. Now I like them fine.

They are OK if served with a little honey, or brown sugar...

[sanityseeker]

Growing up I used to always brew the coffee for my parents. When I got old enough to try it I didn't like it so I never joined the ranks of coffee drinkers. Years went by before I thought I should try it again to see if maybe my taste had changed. I still didn't like it.

[pachyderm]

Everybody likes beer, wine, and so on. I mean, if you are American you have to, right? You are out of step if you do not.

Guess what?

[sanityseeker]

Don't like the first glass, the second tastes a little better, the third... GIVE ME MORE!!

If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things. ~ Rene Descartes

[seeker1950]

This is a great topic, Perna, and thank you for bringing it up.
I realize I've changed a LOT over the many years, letting go of many habits and expectations. Some of the letting go was truly painful. Sometimes, though, I look back, and feel I've let go of too much. I was so idealistic and inspired, but with the many hard knocks, I've just become practical.

[ECHOES]

We do change, the self is fluid. That is one problem with diagnoses...who is the same person every moment of every day.

This thread makes me think of a couple of people I've had the pleasure of knowing who are curious and fully open to anything that comes their way. They might have a worry, but generally face all new things with excitement. They even look at their flaws and gaffs with a sense of amazement and wonder.
I would love to have some of that

[SpottedOwl]

This thread makes me think of a couple of people I've had the pleasure of knowing who are curious and fully open to anything that comes their way. They might have a worry, but generally face all new things with excitement. They even look at their flaws and gaffs with a sense of amazement and wonder.

And, your comment and this thread makes me think of the Buddhist concept of the 'child's mind'.

When we are children, and we have not yet encountered something, we approach it with that curiosity and excitement...because it is new. We love learning and exploring the world. We love touching different things and seeing what they taste like. The world is literally our playground, and through playing we learn.

If we can try to experience small things fully, like we were a child trying it for the first time, that is essentially what mindfulness meditation is about. It REQUIRES being fully present, just taking each moment as it comes. I think Perna's idea about challenging our beliefs opens up an opportunity to get in touch with that child's mind.

I would love to have some of that

You can, because you once did. That means it is part of you.

And, now for my own story of challenging beliefs. I used to always say I hated washing dishes. Every day, the chore of doing the dishes seemed bigger. H and I would end up fighting about whose turn it was to do the dishes. Tired of this, I decided to try enjoying washing the dishes. I decided to look at the experience a new way. I like having a clean kitchen. I like accomplishing things. Every day, the dishes are an opportunity to accomplish something, feel good about myself, and brighten the home up.

Just changing how I think about it in my own mind has been huge. That attitude is slowly creeping itself into other areas of my life as I challenge those beliefs too.

[sanityseeker]

I have experienced some of the same transformations. Attitude is so powerful.

[Perna]

I have had a couple of dramatic realizations that have helped me when I have felt I was in danger of settling for something that wasn't settled :-)

I hated making potato salad or mashed potatoes because of the potato peeling involved and both of those are favorites of my husband. I was thinking about potato peeling as I was doing so once, to make mashed potatoes and suddenly realized "why" I hated peeling potatoes and why it was so hard for me. My stepmother used to make me peel potatoes and give me a hard time about how slow and clumsy I was about it. It occurred to me, as an adult, that I didn't have much practice peeling potatoes and, as a young teen, would have had smaller hands and less idea how to approach such a task than my mother, and that watching her whiz through peeling, next to me, was not conducive to feeling good about my own abilities, LOL.

But that beginner's mind, the fact that I didn't yet have much experience and I would get better at it as I practiced came to me as an adult and I felt less like a failure and more like a beginner and concentrated on making my husband happy with his favorite foods and that helped me feel much better and now I only mind peeling potatoes half as much as I use to

[Elana05]

Perna,
Thanks for the thread.
I have changed a lot over the past 3 years due mostly to therapy. Thank god. It has moved me out of severe anxiety/depression. I have had to realize how to say I'm hurt, or I'm mad, and to (work to) understand self-care.

I love your quote btw. I'm gonna put it on my fridge.

E