[Wants2Fly]

I want to be <font color="purple">inspired</font> by life. I want believe in possibilities and miracles.

And I'm not. How do I get this back? Where do I start?

Dr.Clay has written about the importance of having goals. I no longer have any goals beyond trying rather desperately to survive and not live in poverty as retirement approaches. Maybe that's what's missing.

I've used parts of Psychological Self-Help when I was in the worst part of my depression in 2004, and I used to mention it in the Forums a good deal. Keeping a journal of triggers and remembering that we may have to try many strategies was helpful. Perhaps its most important use was to help me feel empowered, instead of helpless, and that I was taking steps to help myself. That was important to me.

I think the meds and time played equal roles with persistently trying to help myself as I got better.

I used to be an avid reader of self-help, especially New Thought, books (Catherine Ponder, Florence Shinn, Thomas Troward, Barker, etc.). At some point, it sunk in that one needs to practice, and I embarked on a program of affirmations and reframing my negative views of reality.

Since 2003, I've been hit with one thing after another: illness, job loss, relationship loss, unemployment, underemployment, yadda, yadda. Just as I thought I was making real progress, something has come up that is a real set-back. I thought I was making a comeback, and I feel very dis-courage-d.

I sitll use journaling and praying. I don't read much anymore -- but I'm willing to take on some targeted reading. After sopping up 200 pages a night of dense academic texts, 7 days a week, in graduate school for 6 years, I just stopped feeling interested.

Now that I'm in the third trimester of life, maybe it's not realistic to expect life to seem full of possibilities and to believe that miracles can happen.

I would like to recapture the feeling I had when I was younger that "anything is possible."

[b]Any ideas about where to start and what to do and how to accomplish this, anyone?[b]

wow! i'm at a crossroads right now, wants. i know what i'm capable of and i am working really hard to achieve it. i don't know if it is a miracle, but if i can pull it off...we can call it that.

i just happened to see some of my old photographs one day and that got me going and the next day i met a man who had seen my work in a museum in Albuquerque. how can i not do what i'm best at? i felt like a rat, standing there, while he was all giggly and shy and carrying on like i was the Queen of England.....i was so afraid that he would ask about my recent work..................

so, i'm going to take that teensy little seed that he planted in my heart and go back out there and either fall on my butt or not...............

talk to me.........xoxoxo pat

[Wants2Fly]

I'm thrilled that life is working out for you, Pat. You deserve it. You did what was needed. You have always been giving and supportive in this community. And you have nurtured a wonderful artistic talent.

I don't think, philosophically, that it matters whether miracles "really" exist or not. What matters is that feeling that they do and can and have happened to you -- or me.

Brava, Pat.

[Wants2Fly]

And thank you for respoding.

you live in a big room in my heart.........and i know you well enough to know that you're serious about this and i think that you're going to "find" the key. we've talked before about where we're at and where we'd like to be.......

have you tried writing for magazines? i think you're a terrific writer and always enjoy your letters/posts. i know you've got the smarts for it.....is there a particular subject near and dear that you'd like to do some writing about?

(did you know that ray and i have a team of Space Monkeys and we could come see you?? they AREN"T the ones that didn't show up behind Hailey's comet a few years back. ours are very dependable and cute as big buttons)

anyway, think about this and talk to me some more.........love you, pat

[Wants2Fly]

Now, ain't you just the little psychic, Missy. One of the first thoughts I had when I woke up this morning was, "Why don't you do a few feature stories?" I've started two blogs, one of which I actually maintain about teaching. The chief, reason, Pat, is the fatigue. I teach 5 classes, 125 students, 500 papers to grade over 15 weeks, plus the tests and the paperwork, and occasional online courses for a different u. I wish I had the energy I had when I was in my 30s or even my 40s.

I suppose that sounds like an excuse, but I'm swimming as fast as I can just to keep my head out of the financial waters.

Good idea, though.

i understand about the fatigue.......after a hard day, it sure is easy to collapse on the sofa under the furry throw (faux furry).......i'd even take myself at 50!!!!!!!

i'm glad you thought about the writing also.........is the blog open for "others" to read????????? xoxoxo pat

[wisewoman]

Boy can I relate. I realized that I need different meds. Time for a change as my art does not excite me and I just get through each day. I need better drugs and a kick in the mule to get back to living.

wants.....i got into one blog but couldn't get into the other one........commented.....

[Perna]

I have done a lot of reading on syncronicity and "believe" in it. That helps me some with reframing and seeing possibilities. One exercise I've had lots of success with is when I wake up, arbitrarily expecting something good/exciting to happen today. Then, I wait and watch to see what it is going to be :-) One morning when I did that I went out to put a bill or letter in the mailbox and in the gutter by the curb, I found a key! I took the key and tried it in my front door :-) and it fit but didn't turn. So, I used the key as my "symbol" and looked for "what does the key fit?" situation all day. Toward the end of the end I reviewed my day and found what I think my key fit, what "new" learning/understanding I'd had that day that I might not have noticed had I not been looking as a result of the key finding.

I took a Communications/Speech course in college a few years ago and the course was on "Listening" and was very interesting. Anyway, we had to journal experiences with the 3-4 different kinds of listening, this is what I wrote for "discriminative" listening:

Too, there's often many phones ringing and more people milling about, adding to the din, for this is the nerve center of the company, the front office. On good days, spontaneous singing may break out.

For a nonfiction writing class assignment, I was instructed to, "Think about a place that fascinates or repulses you. Go there and do this: watch, listen, smell, taste, and touch. Not the people, though, unless you are invited to do so, please." I chose to write about my immediate workplace.

While writing the piece, I suddenly realized about the singing because it happened "again" – a coworker stuttered, repeating two words that happened to be part of a song; I sang the verse and the other women in the office joined in. Another coworker reminded me of the previous week when I’d made a rap song out of her yelling at her computer. I repeated a variation of her words with a staccato beat singing, "Give it to me, dammit, dammit, give it to me! Give it to me, dammit, dammit, give it to me!" in a higher-than-normal, mocking voice making everyone laugh. Now instead of feeling frustrated, we sing our new little song and tension gives way to smiles.

Later that evening (Tuesday, April 8, 2003) I decided to do some discriminative listening by listening at work to see if I could detect as many occasions as I could when spontaneous singing should break out and discuss those occasions and their effects here.

Wednesday I heard three occasions for singing. The first was when Jenny, a 30-year old coworker, was discussing the Iraquis and how they were celebrating the Americans’ victories and how she'd be afraid to celebrate. I sang, "Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music. . ." softly but realized I wasn't sure who had recorded the song originally. I asked Debbie, who's 44 who had sung the song and she thought it was the "Guess Who" or "Three Dog Night." We had a nice, comfortable/comforting discussion with her warning me that "it’s the 'Guess Who,' not just the 'Who'," and my rather distainful reply (since I am eight years older than she!) that "I know that." Part of Debbie's and my bond is our closeness in age and I feel this experience illustrates/strengthened that bond.

I remembered Debbie's sister had come over to Debbie's house for dinner the night before. Being a Tuesday night I asked why in the middle of the week? Debbie replied her sister had put highlights in her, Debbie's, hair. We all then turned to Debbie to discuss her highlights and Debbie finished a comment about knowing what color/shade will "happen" with the statement, "You never know." That made me think of the song refrain, "You'll never know how much I love you/You'll never know how much I care. . ."

Later that day, when Debbie opened office supplies and the supplier included a complimentary/thank you bag of Snickers the other three women in the room (Debbie, Jenny and Melissa) discussed candy bars for awhile, Snickers versus 3 Musketeers. Suddenly I heard Debbie sing, "N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best, choc-let" and she turned to me and asked, "Do you remember the dog puppet?" referring to the 1950's/60's Nestles' television commercial.

Thursday, Melissa was cleaning out a storage room and found a very large, decorated metal tin that had held pretzels, a Christmas "gift" from the same office supplies supplier. Often they're much prized for taking home and filling with dog food, bird seed or anything else that needs storing like that. Melissa called out, "Who wants the tin?" I replied, "Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn't already have/Cause never was the reason for believing, in the tropic of Sir Galahad. . ." It was Melissa's last day; she's the owner's daughter and use to work with us but was recently married and has moved away from the area. Her husband is a naval aviator and was away on training for three weeks so she came to stay with her family and work with us a couple weeks.

I was very surprised to hear so many opportunities that reminded me and others of songs. Usually we may only be triggered two or three times a month, not in a single day. This experience made me realize the power of choosing to practice discriminatory listening. I began to wonder what use I could make of this experience. Humor, and in this case, song, is a positive experience and I think looking for song made my whole work day feel lighter and more positive. In addition, I chose to listen for a particular event but I think listening "for" also made me listen "better" overall. I'm sure I will be experimenting with this in the future, changing what I listen for and seeing how that changes my listening experience.

I was also interested looking at when an event reminds one of a song. When my good friend Debbie was angry and upset, stressed by her computer not performing when she needed it to such that she cursed it; I interjected humor by way of making up a rap song to "lighten" the mood. I wonder if my unconscious might find song at places where I or others need song.

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you, Fayerody, Wisewoman, and Perna, for your ideas.

[Perna]

That feeling though of nothing interesting one (and then, for me, it went to being interested but only in one little project at a time, no long-term things came up for a couple years) feels very frustrating and sad. At one point though I realized I kind of felt like a clean, empty, new house that I could move into! I'd been working on therapy for so long I hadn't realized I felt "empty" and uninspired because I'd been working of cleaning the house! Now there was nothing much that needed doing and I needed to "turn around" and see the possibilities of where I was, that now I could do "anything" because I'd been doing all this work to clean and empty of the bad stuff. It was a hard perspective to shift to though and keep "steady." I have found new goals though and don't miss the old "me" much. For me it wasn't totally new things I'm doing, just a totally different way of looking at things I "use" to do so I didn't recognize them at first. The best exercise I did turned out to be the old, what would I regret not having done/been looking back on my life at 85 question.

[drclay]

Wants2fly:

Gosh you have had a string of bad luck... sorry, but how about trying to recapture some of the losses--or better yet, doing even better than you did before!

How about going on a health and exercise kick? How about looking for a better job supervising or manageing? How about aggressively going for a new sexy relationship?
How about another advanced degree using all the skills you had before?

I'd urge you to dream big again. What is there to lose?

Share some of your best ideas with us and we will cheer you on.

Drclay

[drclay]

fayerody:

That is exciting! Keep sharing your excitement--all of us need excitement. If this guy doesn't hang around, there are many who are longing for a relationship. Go after it.

drclay

[drclay]

Perna:

You are good at this sort of thing...very interesting.

But I suppose there are many, many opportunities if we just carefully look for them like you did. There are so many times to give a compliment, to give thanks, to tell a joke, to think of some self-praise, to tell about an idea, to share a memory and on and on.

Thanks for this nice description.

drclay

[okiedokie]

Perna, I had to sing all through your post! Thanks for the memories...

Okie

thanks, dr. clay.......ray is a poster here and we've been really good friends for a couple of years or so. he lives in NYC and we share a lot of ideas about the future of the country and can get pretty silly at times. he isn't my romantic interest..... he is also a friend of Wants......i am trying to get him to move to Austin so that we can carry out some of our ideas.....such as invading Cuba...but i think he likes NYC too much.

i re-read the thread and if you're talking about the jeweler who has seen some of my photography.......that's a whole 'nother subject. i've been nationally "out there" and the depression got me. so when he started telling me about seeing my work... i got excited and i think that i can force myself to do some more work. i have a commission coming up of photographing a pregnant woman.........i'm not after a relationship right now.....

Wants, sorry to sorta hi-jack but want Dr. Clay to understand what we were talking about........(love you, woman)

pat

[Wants2Fly]

Hi there -- I do not feel hijacked. Wish I was hearing more from Ray. He's a good egg.

Dr. Clay, thank you for your input. Thank you so much for your wonderful book. It was a like a little lifeline during a very bleak and isolated part of my depression in 2004.

Well, I will tell you what I am doing. I am doing a little socializing. I went to the dean's cocktail party for an hour on Friday, even though I didn't really want to (just couldn't think of a really good excuse, lol). Then I called a friend, and we had brunch out on Sunday.

On Monday, I went to a women's dinner after work at the Religious Science church. I was a member at a different location for nearly 20 years, and the positive thinking outlook on spirituality was a real help. I made some new acquaintances, and I think I will go to the meetings, since they are once a month, not an overwhelming commitment.

That is probably more socializing than I did all of last year!

This weekend a friend is coming from Boston, my first weekend visitor in the two years I've had this apartment.

So that's at least a bit of progress in getting off my my bum.

I still think about moving to Austin myself, Pat.

Woman! I am proud of you! You are out and about........come drag me with you.

I wish you would move to Austin.......I really do love this whole area. xoxoxo pat

[drclay]

WantstoFly:

Wow! You are making some big changes in a hurry. Be on the allert for a big slow down. I only mean this as a caution against over-doing as well as against doing so much that you get scared back into the old pattern of being alone all the time. You are to be congratulated on changing...and enjoying it. Going to the church and to the Dean's party are big event sfor you.

drclay

[Wants2Fly]

Thank you, Dr. Clay, for the encouragement. I have no further plans until the women's group meets next month.

[(JD)]

While Dr Clay's book has some thoughts on reframing, I find that CBT and especially something along the lines of the common cognitive distortions can help immensely. It is best if you have someone aware of misstatements, to help call you on any erroneous (self)talking.

But basically, look for blatant statements. "I am bipolar," rather than, "I have bipolar disorder." While it might not look different to you on the surface, because of the way the brain works, there is a big difference resulting in feeling differently.

Be aware of "always" and "never" statements. FEW things are really in those categories.

When you make a statement that tells of your upset, review it. If it's something like, "I can't take this anymore," that should scream time for reframing to you. I think, once focus it made, you can think differently. TC!

[Wants2Fly]

Hi All -- I've been rereading this thread, because I forgot what my question was when I started it. She said, cackling like an old crone.

I think there's a difference between reframing the negative thoughts we get on a daily (even minute to minute basis) that suck the joy out of our days and reprogramming negative thinking from what I started off trying to ask.

I'm not asking about how to make the day or the moment worthwhile. I'm asking about how one recaptures the blazing passion of youth, where everything seems possible, incredible, new and exciting. Maybe it's just not possible. Perhaps this time of life is about measure and small things. Sigh.

[(JD)]

Oh I think you can recapture some of that passion and possibility thinking from youth... perhaps not carte blanc at first, but with practice. Optimism can be learned! I'm reading a book by Seligman about how to...

Changing how you view things, your perspective... rather than being caught up in the muck of things, but rising about it.

Right now it would be easy for me to get bogged down in the doldrums of filing and hunting materials for volunteers working the superbowl... but instead I keep trying to focus on HOW KEWL! I'm helping the Host Committee organize this great experience!

TC

i'm still connected with what you are talking about, Wants. i ordered some new silver from Montana and have made some really nice pieces......no photography yet as my best camera needs repair...but the jewelry is really going well. i am excited about it and everyone that has seen it seems to really like it.

i've set off on a different direction with design and am incorporating alot of chinese and buddhist work in it. AND the designs seem to be what i needed right now. i find the work more soothing than some of the other stuff i've done.....such as Southwestern/cowboy/etc......i'm really enjoying the symbols and characters.

i found this amazing company that has the things that i need and it's really got me going.

i think we can re-create some of that jazz.......that zest......if you'd move to Austin, i know we could do it!!!!!!!! xoxoxo pat