I'm such a moron

I did it again. I was told that if I get one more moving violation ticket, my license will be taken away.

Today I made a huge mistake. I made a right hand turn just as the light changed from yellow to red.

Stupid. Why didn't I stop? I realized a split second later that I should have stopped but it was too late. WHY DIDN'T I STOP?

Now I'm 75 percent sure that a traffic camera had caught my mistake and I'll soon be receiving another ticket and a letter saying my license will be revoked.

The scary thing is that I make so many of these mistakes I no longer seem to be able to make the slightest attempt to stop them. I just watch them pile up in front of me and brace myself to get ready to be punished.

It doesn't matter what I do because I will just screw up and get punished. I know I deserve it, but I can't make it stop.

What would be the consequences of losing your license? Would you "gain" (positively or negatively) in any way from losing your license?
Is it tied in somehow with a control issue? (don't tell me...)
Do you think you deserve this for some other reason?
Could you make some rules for yourself that would prevent repetition of this behavior?
Write them down? Put them on the wheel/dashboard, on a tape?
You have any ideas?

hire a lawyer to represent you. It shouldn't be expensive couple hundred bucks. It helps tremendously.

Please stop treating yourself like this.

It's okay, everybody makes mistakes.

The past is the past, the only thing you have control over is your present.