[Onward2wards]

I notice I get myself in low mood states due to ridiculous excuses for NOT doing the things most likely to make me feel more confident, and less anxious or depressed! I believe it's a learned pattern of risk avoidance due to low self confidence. This is getting annoying. I only seem to see it in hindsight, it all happens too rapidly and subtly for me to catch myself in the act, when I could disrupt the pattern and help myself.
Please share any techniques you have found that stop this. I'm beyond fed up with myself at this point. I really need help with it.

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I notice I get myself in low mood states due to ridiculous excuses for NOT doing the things most likely to make me feel more confident, and less anxious or depressed! I believe it's a learned pattern of risk avoidance due to low self confidence. This is getting annoying. I only seem to see it in hindsight, it all happens too rapidly and subtly for me to catch myself in the act, when I could disrupt the pattern and help myself.
Please share any techniques you have found that stop this. I'm beyond fed up with myself at this point. I really need help with it.

Hello O2w's: Boy... I could use some tips for this too. In fact I'm right in the midst of one of these episodes right now. I sailed into some stormy seas, so to speak, a few days ago. As a result, I became depressed (more-so than usual) & began to feel drained of emotional energy. So, as usual, my yoga & meditation practices went to... well... you know... So now I'm not only still depressed & drained of emotional energy as a result of the "stormy seas" I sailed into. Now I'm also depressed & drained realizing I've done it again... abandoned one of the most important things I do.

I don't know if scheduling a time to do whatever it is you're not doing would help. Or perhaps giving yourself a special reward once you've done it. Another idea would be to plan to do things with someone else so, if you back out, they lose out too.

For me, I just seem to fall into a state of simply not caring whether I do anything or not... & so I don't. Then I start feeling even worse than I did to begin with. It becomes a vicious circle. And, like you, now I can see what I've done, & it's exasperating. Personally, I could even see it happening, while it was happening. But I seem powerless to stop it. It's a conundrum...

[hamster-bamster]

Open a spreadsheet and list the things you are not doing but would like to be doing. Listing them would be the first step towards actually doing them. Do not plan to start any projects or activities, but rather view listing them as a completed exercise.

Then over the next few days spend some time with the list to prioritize it.

[Raghib Ahmed]

Hi Onward2wards,

I know how it feels. The struggle of self-discipline vs distractions sure sucks.

What helps me is to break my tasks down into small easy actions.

I find that sometimes I make excuses or put things off if my tasks seem to uncomfortable, or overwhelming. To overcome that I turn them into comfortable and easy actions.

It also helps writing down a plan for 1-3 main things you want to have accomplished by the end of the day, and then finding a small easy action to get you into doing them.

[hvert]

I am trying to overcome this as well. For me, my excuses are extremely pathetic. Like today I have to be somewhere at 11:00 and I'm heading out of town tomorrow AM. I have a list of things I HAVE to do/take care of before I leave.

I look at my list and think to myself 'I don't have time to do all that before I leave, so I won't do any of it.'

Here are some things I do:

Tell myself that I will do X for only 5 minutes. After the timer dings, I can keep going or quit.

Ask myself 'why not do X now?' What is stopping me from doing X now? Is there a reason?

Look at how much time I have to do something. Like right now, I have about an hour before I need to leave. What on my to-do list could I take care of in less than an hour? I have a few tasks that would take about 15-30 minutes each. I can't do all of them, but I can scratch off one or two.

Write tasks on index cards, with a time estimate. Sort cards in the order I want to complete tasks and hold one card at a time (to help with focus).

I have a few more ideas and comments about nebulous stuff, like losing weight, but I need to kick myself off the computer. So much good advice posted above - breaking stuff down into small chunks really helps.

[bipolar angel]

Thank you hvert and hamster...I also deal with this. Good suggestions. Because sometimes I lose an hour or 2, I know who I am, where I am, etc its just I would have started something, not finish, get distracted, start something else. Then realize its 2hrs later and instead of finishinf my 5-6things...maybe I finished one. Or I get overwhelmed by 1task and just can't do it, get tired, depressed.

[alicetailor]

You can avoid these negative feelings by getting involved in some creative or educational activity like sports, arts, music etc. It will help you in learn new things and build confidence.

[stages]

i'm not so sure about the creative thing, i'm just as good at putting off art as i am at putting off everything else. or sometimes i'll say, ok! time to practice drawing faces! and then four hours later i realize i've spent the whole time on only one face.. thats what leads to bad anatomy in otherwise nice drawings. ..how many days has it been since i drew anything at all... whoops...

my problems stem from ADHD more than my mood, but i think a lot of the same techniques can be used.. the 'source' may influence details but its still all about compensating for your brain so you can improve your time management

one of the few things i can rely on to keep me on task is having another person with me, but i dont see a reasonable way to apply this to something like habits.. itd require someone following me throughout my day. well, if its a habit they have too, maybe not - theyd just have to make sure to grab my attention and drag me along every time they did the habit. hmm... that sounds like itd be annoying on both ends. but it might work for some things, like if you need to exercise more and you have a friend who is very excited about jogging.

lately, i've been thinking that initiating a task is way more important than maintaining or finishing a task. if you can start it, you'll prob improve your ability to maintain / finish it. so your first goal could be, "Start doing this once a day". its not a failure if you dont finish or give up immediately every day, as long as you did it long enough that it could reasonably be called starting (so staring at the book across the room might not count, but reading one paragraph does - it varies depending on your situation). when you reach your goal, or close enough, then start on maintaining it longer, and etc

[alicetailor]

You are right. You need to start something and that is an important step. You can join some club where you can socialize with others of your age group and learn a few interesting things whether creative, sports, educational or whichever suits you.

[anxteach]

I don't know if this has already been suggested, but it might help to keep a little journal of notes about how you feel after you actually do one of those things that you think might make you less depressed/more happy. If you document the times that you did those things and how good you felt afterwards, then you can refer back to that to motivate yourself the next time it comes up instead of talking yourself out of it.

[ladytiger]

I have a vision board online of what I am striving for and yea, my excuses have been terrible but one excuse I do have a reason for is because of something I can't control at the moment. It's not easy for me to get ird of these bad behaviors but I am still trying.....