[simones]

Hi, I'm writing here because this a self help forum.It might be the wrong place to post it but I'll give it a go.
I'm a 62 year old female from a predominantly female family;three sisters.

I'm trying not to write this by sounding like a victim and am only genuinely puzzled and confused. I don't think I'm a bully as I've looked into that too.I'm very careful of what I say and how I say it with consideration of the other person.I like to have female friends and I appreciate their company.


I've done a lot of work on myself-12 years of psychanalysis and psychotherapy with a female therapist.

I have self esteem, self worth issues, am 25 years sober and am in active recovery.

I'm just learning to speak up, keeping my expectations of other people simple, sharing my experience or just my thoughts and when I try to contribute/say my piece ,politely and calmly, I get some sort of retaliation or put down by women-not just by close friends and family just generally.

It's happened a lot to me and since it's from different women in every circumstance, I'm sincerely questioning myself into a corner on how I communicate is coming across.I can't say"oh she's said that because... " "or she's going through something"I can't explain it away because it's a reccuring situation.

I'm generalizing because I can't put the onus on one woman, a work situation or a group of women and that's what's really depressing me and sending me into a downward spiral and isolation.It's affecting my sobriety and serenity( even my female sponsor is behaving strangely) So it must be me and something I'm doing or some emotion I'm communicating..I'm kind of regressing into silence which is not good.

[SquarePegGuy]

Welcome!

The following is a generalization and not meant to disparage anyone... But you did write, "I get some sort of retaliation or put down by women" emphasis added.

As a guy, I sometimes get accused by women of man-'splaining, so I think I can relate to your situation. As well, my understanding is that when a woman talks about a problem, she's not asking for a solution; rather she's just venting and expecting either empathy or commiseration.

But men, in general, are problem solvers. We start talking about how to fix the problem. We don't do empathy. We're from Mars, after all...

Okay, let's see those flamethrowers...

[simones]

Thanks for your answer.
I'm genuinely looking for some insight.
I'm trying to address what my input is -what my part is in this issue. The following is just an example of what I mean and is what prompted me to put the general question up here for discussion : I think I'm going to have to change my sponsor because even though I'm speaking to her as a sponsee asking for guidance which I'm open to. Our last communication I've had with her has been a sign that I'm going to have to rethink our relationship because her communication to me was generalized passive-aggressivity and death by insinuation so I can't really address it which is not good for my mental health. I've also looked into if I'm being too sensitive but as I wrote, it's been happening a lot in my general interaction with women so there's something up.I'm trying to understand.

[SquarePegGuy]

I hope you find a solution quickly! I'm not sure how it works -- can you can switch to another sponsor?

[unaluna]

Sounds like you are sometimes the object of the Mean Girls phenomenon. I have been there. They are telling you that you are not accepted, not one of them, for some reason. Maybe they fear you are a lesbian, or more wealthy, or more independent than they are. I dont think there is a solution for it - they need someone to feel superior to, for someone to be "out." Try finding a better group of losers to hang out with, as the country song goes!

[simones]

Originally Posted by SquarePegGuy

I hope you find a solution quickly! I'm not sure how it works -- can you can switch to another sponsor?

I let my sponsor go mentally a while ago and a few days later I sent her an pleasant email with a lot of gratitude wishing her well.I thanked her for her time and energy. I'm a bit wary now and am going to give it a break.

[simones]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Sounds like you are sometimes the object of the Mean Girls phenomenon. I have been there. They are telling you that you are not accepted, not one of them, for some reason. Maybe they fear you are a lesbian, or more wealthy, or more independent than they are. I dont think there is a solution for it - they need someone to feel superior to, for someone to be "out." Try finding a better group of losers to hang out with, as the country song goes!

Thank you for your answer."they need someone to feel superior to, for someone to be "out."" Interesting observation which is quite painful to realize concerning a group or an individual.