[Typo]

This is a bit of a rant, okay it is a full blown rant

I"m feeling so angry right now, at people who cant' understand, I'm self harming in a number of ways, not all of it is in cutting, it's acting out, doing things that emotional leave me in ruins.

I got to thinking about a conversation I had one time with someone, I confided in them I had self harmed the night before and was feeling bad about it they told me it was all a cry for attention, why else would I do it?

WHAT THE ****??????????????????/

That hurt me so much, all my ways of hurting myself has always been for the benefit of my own demise, I never have harmed myself or done anything to beg for attention, I hate people have that view on people who self harm, it's all for attetion NO IT'S ****ING NOT.

It's because I want to hurt myself, because I hate me, because I can't stand doing something good for me so I have to hurt myself in someway.

Makes me so angry, when people can't understand, refuse to understand, or think they know the answers to my issues.

Right now I want to hurt myself, I don't care how, emotionally or physically, I just want to self destruct...I guess that means I"m begging for attention doesn't it?

[fallenangel337]

As Much as I hate to say it, you will always find people who don't understand. In fact, you will find very few people who do. This person obviously needs to do some research on the subject. It is NOT a cry for help. It's really unfortunate that you turn to a friend for support, and that friend can't even understand, and/or accept what you're dealing with.

For what it's worth, just remember that you always have us here, and we all understand. SI is absolutely NOT a cry for attention...if it was, why would we all try so hard to hide it?

If you ever need anything, feel free to PM.

I'm sorry, Silversparrow! I, too, have self injured by cu****g; I want to again now. I do it out of anger & because of my low self esteem. You are not alone! Don't give up. Things will get better!

[mixedup_emotions]

I walked into a conversation a couple weeks ago between my niece and some cousins, and they were putting down people who cut - saying it's a cry for attention, etc.

I defended it...saying that most people who cut are dealing with emotional pain and that I KNOW that it's a way of distraction from emotional pain. The physical pain feels good to someone who is hurting inside.

They looked at me, confused, and said, "How do you know? OH don't TELL me you were a cutter?"

I said, "Yes, I was"....

They were shocked, and then gave me weird looks. F them.....Little do they know, it had been a long time since I cut....until a few weeks ago....

[possum220]

dear silversparrow,

You are not begging for attention...... you are in huge amount of emotional pain that is blocked.

no, people who don't si may not understand. Some may try to and others dont have a clue. rant away........... that's healthy hun.

we know that it's trying to make ourselves feel better, by shifting the pain to another part. That physical pain also tells our bodies to release endorphins into our bodies..... so it really does work in a weird kind of short term way.... and we get that.

Eventually we will learn to talk or find other ways instead si'ing. We will get better. true.............

[turquoisesea]

I understand. I really do.

I'm sorry your friend doesn't. When I first tried to explain to my bf why I did these things, I found it really hard. Because really it's not doing ANYTHING to help you! And that makes 0 sense to people who haven't felt that way before.

No you're not just seeking attention.

You're hurting.

theres a difference

[carlie lynn]

I love you
(:

My brother does the same thing to me all the time..
/:
It's poop.

[Kiya]

((((Sis)))))
you're looking for a means of expression on things that have no words. =(
i TOTALLY get this. every word. i too injure in a lot of ways too - ppl have no idea. cutting is just one form - can only see if when on arms anyway, which i try to hide.
remember you got ppl out here that do understand.... remember to reach out!

[thinker22]

I'm sorry people don't get it. To me, I see it as a way to get the emotional pain and trauma and feelings of helplessness on the outside. It's a proactive choice, not a positive choice, but something we do to retake control of the situation. Don't be offended because this isn't a perfect metaphor, simile actually, but kind of like people who turn anorexic and eat less and less and exercise more and more because the one thing they feel like they can control in their lives is their weight or the way they look. If we can't get rid of feeling terrible inside, at least we can dissociate for a while by creating physical pain.

As with depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, and SI, it's never a cry for attention. When I was a little kid my dad always moaned at me for being full of "self pity" and "moping." I was physically and sexually abused and didn't know why I was so depressed all the time and couldn't join in with the other kids in normal activities. It all seemed so pointless to me. Anyways, my sadness and withdrawing from life had nothing to do with wanting attention. It was me perplexed and unable to process all of the pain. And I think that's what's happening much of the time in SI. You are loved and understood here.

[Vaarsuvius]

*hugs* A lot of people don't understand what they haven't experienced and a lot of people fear the unknown.

It's not a cry for attention; it's a way to deal with the emotional pain in a way that might be easier. That's the main reason why I don't tell people that I have deliberately hurt myself (I've never cut myself because the sight of blood makes me queasy, but I've bitten my fingers, hands and arms until they're bruised). Only my roommate and two of my other closest friends (one of whom I've known for about six or seven years) know about this.

[Sannah]

Hi Silver, I am sorry that you are suffering . I had to learn whose opinion I was going to respect and whose I was going to disregard (and this didn't mean that I disrespected the person). This was a very valuable thing to learn. In my experience I learned that my opinion was the most important and that here and there others can be helpful but it was a very small percentage. No one can know you better than you can. People like us who have not had fortunate upbringings learn that our beliefs/views/opinions/ourselves have no value. When we can learn that we do have value then we can look to our opinions and beliefs as the ultimate for ourselves and we then don't need so much validation from others and this helps us to stop giving other's beliefs so much weight.

[phoenix7]

my sister said the same to me - it hurts but as sannah said you have to think who you are going to listen to - and i tell myself that she doesnt know cos she cant imagine what its like to be where i am and thats ok thats her and im me.....

we know why we do it and we know what the scars mean and the pain that causes us to SI .......... its sad when those we care about cant support us but we have to learn who will and who wont adn take it form there