[phoenix30]

I went and did it again, last nite. I haven't cut for so long, years in fact. However, T has been bringing out lots of memories and I'm not entirely sure I want to remember or to feel this way again. Cut myself 12 times. I don't want to go back down this road, so why did I do it!! I have been giving the forums a miss recently, had too much to deal with irl. I didn't know where else to go or who to tell. I can't tell my T, so please, please don't tell me to do that.

I feel so shi77y tonite. Everyting is crap. Thinking I might not bother with work 2morro... let them all down there and stay at home in bed alseep.

[jetblackaura]

(((((((((((phoenx)))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((((phoenix))))))))))))))))))))

[phoenix30]

Thanx guys...

well, I haven't done it again since, and my doc has signed me off work for 2 weeks... but it has been so hard. This is my second day off, spent yesterday sleeping! Yawn! I'm trying to keep busy today, cause yesterday was hard and I kept thinking about it and thinking about doing it... I'm so glad that I went back to bed and slept.

Today I got up early with my daughter... my mum picked her up to take her to nursery this morning again, so I have been able to chill out a bit, but I'm struggling to keep myself busy. The house is a mess so I'm going to do some housework and clean up. After that, who knows, eh?

I guess I just need some support and have found the energy to ask for it today. Jeez, I just need to get started and do something productive, something that'll stop me from letting my mind slip. I keep lookng at my scars lately and searching for old ones on my body, remembering the way I felt.

I feel like a falure, guilty and bad and useless. I'm letting down the people in my life, and I hate myself for that. I kmow I won't always feel like that, but for today, I just do. You know what it's like.

[Rapunzel]

Phoenix,

Good job keeping yourself busy! Sleeping is what you need to do sometimes too. Hey, and finding the energy to ask for help is another good accomplishment.

What else can you do to keep your hands busy? What do you like to do that's fun and rewarding?

You are always welcome here. Let us know when you need a little support.

Rap

Don't look at it as a step backwards. Remember the more you work on the more emotions will be stirred up. Let this be a sign to you that you have major emotions being stirred. Perhaps you could just say that to your T if you are uncomfortable telling about the cutting. I think it is important because your T needs to know that the emotions are surfacing so you can let them out and deal with them in a healthy way. Stay safe.