[BlueMoon6]

I dont usually post on this board. Im sorry if I sound a little out of it.
I almost cut tonight (its been 5 weeks) and I wasnt having strong urges. I just went to go do it after a long car ride in the dark. I got home and then I was sidetracked by something and I then stopped and realized I didnt really want to make a mess. I am realizing that I can cut in a dissociated way. I think that is what it would be. I have done that in the past and I wondered what I did it for. I dont have strong urges now but if I think about it more now I will get urges.
I have to go out late tonight in the car and drive to this dark area again and I think I get weird thoughts and my mind goes to these places when I drive and listen to music in the dark. If I dont listen to music its worse. I hope this sounds understandable.

[Lost71]

Hi clk

First, let me say congrats on going 5 weeks, and extra big congrats on resisting the urge tonight. I know it's not easy!

About going out in the car again tonight. Is there someone that could go with you to keep you company? If not what about playing a radio station so you're hearing a real voice? Or maybe placing something in the passenger seat that you find comforting, that makes you feel safe?

I'm sorry if this isn't much help but please hang in there, be strong, and know we care, ok?

Peace and Hugs for you,
Julia
xox

[BlueMoon6]

Thank you for answering me Lost.

I went out and just came back. Radio voices are a good idea. The sight of my laptop sidetracked me earlier in the evening so I left it by the door so I could come home and post. I was talking to myself a lot in the car. Putting something in the passenger seat is a really really good idea. I have a thing about dolls and my children's dolls that make me cry. I thought that maybe I could take one of their dolls to talk to but it might make me cry to do that. I feel very safe with certain dolls. I wish I could bring one into therapy to talk to- put her next to my t.

I dont have urges right now. I feel like any minute I could change. I'll sit on the computer for a while and go to bed.

Thanks for caring. It makes me feel less alone.

[Lost71]

clk

I'm so glad you made it ok. You said you feel very safe with certain dolls, so maybe one of those would make a good passenger? So long as it's one that doesn't make you cry. And maybe you could ask T about taking in a doll. My old T used to let me keep one at her office for my visits.

Good Luck to you! And though I don't come into this forum much please feel free to pm if you ever need any extra support, ok?

Peace and Hugs,
Julia
xox

[BlueMoon6]

Thank you, Julia.
I think it would be a good idea to talk to a doll in the car or take one to therapy with me. The t Im currently seeing probably wouldnt be happy with that, but I am looking for someone else to see.
Thanks for your PM offer....I will.....
Going to bed soon...

[Lost71]

Sleep well when the time comes clk.