[Hope4me2]

Just feeling so down. I cannot seem to get out of this HOLE I am in. I HATE being like this.............. UGH I hate my life........I HATE MYSELF...........my one daughter did not tell me happy mothers day and hasnt even metioned it since going back to college.........UGH I know she still HATES me so much........she is in counseling too but I feel she HATES me soooooooooo for all I did to her as a child........I have asked her for forgiveness years ago but she has NEVER said anything to me. One day she can be good to me and the next month cruel...........it is just so hard to be around her when she is like this..........I know you guys do not know all the details so it is hard for you guys to comment on this.........so dont even try please.......just listen to me ramble............that is all I need right now......when she treats me like this that tells me how BAD I am and then I tell myself BAD girls have to be punished and I punish myself.............I cut or burn or stratch myself.........Like last night I was so worked up I stratched and stratched in one spot until I could not feel it and it was bleeding.............I HATE when I do this........but cant stop..........I feel like NO ONE understands me right now but my T and of course you guys here at PC ...............sometimes I just say why even go on and keep working in Therapy why not just throw in the Towel and give up.....yes end it all..........I have thought and gotten close many a times........but nothing ..........but lately my one daughter is not giving me any reasons to keep hanging on that is for sure....
sorry for rambling on but I am just feeling so down and out right now .....and I have been SIing and feeling like a failure .....UGH
Thanks for listening