hating you so much uve ruined my life TRIGGER!!!!

For as long as I can remember I have hated my father.
At first I was really unaware as to why this was.
I struggled to understand the hatred I felt deep within my heart.
As I got older though I realized what it was it was as bright as bright could be.
My father was ruining my life before my eyes and those around me.
Given my age there was nothing that I could do and it seemed that no one else could or would do anything.
I was destined to remain the arms and hands of my father until I was old enough and strong enough to escape.
That day came and I couldn’t wait.
Finally I was able to get away and there was no way that he could track my movements and make unexpected or even dreaded visits to me in the middle of the day or night.
I was free.
Although I wasn’t completely free I was still tormented in my mind and heart.
I was confused and distraught.
I pushed these feelings aside and did only what I knew how.
Most guys didn’t mind.
I was the friend with extras.
Until it all came crashing down on me.
My mind couldn’t take it no more and I fell hard and fast.
I was tormented by the past and not able to continue to focus on the present or possible future.
I still am.
My mind is being torn apart from the inside out and I can’t stop it and I can’t think straight.
I can’t think straight enough to write this.
I wouldn’t even be able to explain why I am writing this.
Sometimes you just have to get it out there, out of your head.
Does it help? Not enough to make a difference.

(((((((((((((((((((((Bronee))))))))))))))))))))

sweety, remember he is the past and this is the present.....he can no longer physically hurt you.....but now its time to let him stop mentally and emotionally hurting you....this will be hard to do but i am here for you PC is here for you...and i know your friends there are there for you....the first stepping stone is communication and realization...and i think you have done both right now in this post...the next step would be well to get this feelings out...understand them ....and learn how to cope and respond healthfully and appropriately....id suggest drawing a tight support group around you and perhaps maybe more frequent trips to your T ....and maybe this could be the beginning of the end? I am here for you no matter what my twing...playing our theme song all the time.....24 hours a day ...7 days a week.....sometimes it will be just a cardboard cut out of me ....cuz you dont expect me to stand there that whole time....id probably collapse from all that barney....let me tell you......but if you need something other than the cardboard cutout...you know where i live....you know where i am at...
love always and forever...inny your TWINg

wow. i can just picture you screaming at your dad in my mind.. it must feel good to own that anger..

(((((((((((bronee))))))))))))))))))

although it wasn't my dad i hear exactly what you are saying and i felt every word you said and felt every emotion. i am holding on tight to you my dear dear friend and i will never let go of you. i'm here. sorry i haven't been around but just pm me anytime.
this will take time to heal and you have to heal properly from the inside out with the help of a good pdoc. we cant change what happened to us but we will not let it destroy the rest of our lives.i wished i'd had the courage at your age to deal with these things instead of leaving it until now when i'm 42. i want you to go on and have a happy and fulfilled life and not let the bastard ruin it, i try to think of it like that, sometimes it helps but its not easy.
you are surrounded by love here at pc, reach out for it and wrap yourself in it.

take care love you with all my heart e.mom xoxoxoxoxoxoxox