[Cthomas]

Lost my second job couple of days ago...

Things just keep getting worse.

Im just sick and tired of it....

C

[Christina86]

((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))

Breathe. Journal. Talk to a friend. Things are progressively getting worse on my end too, and it's not fun trying to deal with everything on top of thinking about self-injuring.

I'm sorry about your job. Did they give you a reason?

Do NOT cut. You deserve better than that.

[paintingravens]

((((((((((((((((((((C)))))))))))))))))))))))

hang in there.

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry to hear this
Please do not give in to the urges.. you are WAY better than them... even if it doesn't really seem like you are worth much right now.

Jacq

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Colleen ))))))))))))))))))

[Cthomas]

I just can deal...its obvious that Im a loser, incapable of keeping my self above water, incapable of making a business grow. and now to add to the list, stupid....I got lucky to know enough to be dangerous.

Why bother.

Im done......I just cant care

[Sannah]

Colleen, I am sorry! It sounds like there is a whole story with this job and what happened????

[Cthomas]

Its ok...ive learned....

1. That everything I do is wrong. I can give slack to everybody else, but none to me.

2. my real parents were right. Im a loser and wont amount to much

3. If I ever want to get out of my situation, its just better off leaving altogether....

4. If it hasnt gotten better by trying....why bother?

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by Cthomas

I just can deal...its obvious that Im a loser, incapable of keeping my self above water, incapable of making a business grow. and now to add to the list, stupid....I got lucky to know enough to be dangerous.

Why bother.

Im done......I just cant care

I call ********.

You DO care. You CAN deal, but it's hard doing things by yourself so it's alright to ask for help. You are NOT a loser, and someone who would say that to you obviously has their own issues they need to resolve, BADLY.

You are not stupid, and I don't know anything about running a business except to say it sounds ****ing HARD.

Originally Posted by Cthomas

Its ok...ive learned....

1. That everything I do is wrong. I can give slack to everybody else, but none to me.

Who said this? It's not your voice saying this, it's someone who said it to you, either verbally or in their actions/attitudes. But it is NOT you saying this, you're just repeating it.

Everything you do cannot be wrong, because you're denying the fact that other people can influence our actions, and that other people have a part to play in things. You CANNOT control other people. And you deserve as much slack as the next person, because from all I know about you - you are not lazy or stupid. Not in the least.

2. my real parents were right. Im a loser and wont amount to much

Your real parents sound like insensitive jerks, to put in nicely. I was told I'll never amount to anything because of my disabilities... I graduate with a degree from university in 9 days. You DO amount to many things, maybe just not what other people want from you. But that's okay because only YOUR OWN opinion of you really matters. We give people the power sometimes to tell us how to feel about ourselves, and that's not fair to US.

3. If I ever want to get out of my situation, its just better off leaving altogether....

Running away from one's problems never really solves anything... leaving sounds like it's going to open up more problems than solve some of them. It's a snowball effect... ignoring something or trying to avoid it just means it's got more time to build and then it becomes this big snowball rolling down a hill threatening to squish you! Or it's an avalanche waiting to happen. Not cool or good at all.

4. If it hasnt gotten better by trying....why bother?

I think it has gotten better, but maybe in ways you're not fully aware of... we all change, even if it's just a miniscule amount on a daily basis based on our decisions and interactions and thoughts. You should bother trying to get better because YOU DESERVE IT. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED, RESPECTED, AND HONOURED. YOU DESERVE TO BE ABLE TO GIVE YOURSELF THE CREDIT YOU'VE EARNED BY BEING ABLE TO SURVIVE THIS LONG. YOU DESERVE TO BE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF AND TO FIND A WAY TO EVENTUALLY GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU LOVE YOURSELF

((((((((Colleen))))))))))))

[Cthomas]

Hey Christina, Thanks for taking the time to write that response. And it helped!

I do care, i cant talk about it today because im so confused. I got called back to my main job, and todays pay day!!!! (guess who DIDNT get paid) Ive been battling serious lows from diabetes all day.

My patience is at the end of the rope. I just need friday to be overwith. And Quick. I need downtime, and soon.

Im sick and tired. of crap. and of being treated like crap and I promise you all a fuller story than today, thanks fuzzy jac, sannah, all of you who answered as well.

Colleen

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))))))) Wondering how you are doing?

BB

[Cthomas]

So. he called me back to work...yay i think...im just glad to have one job....bad news. he really dont pay me ontime. then when i ask for my check, he wants to "talk" about my performance. Ive never had issues with a job before. so this is aggravating me. Ive kept notes, i know im his star employee. he doesnt. turns out that everytime I have an issue with getting paid, we talk about my performance and he appears to be making **** up. Now...ive taken notes and brought them to his attention and he screams in my face. in this economy im grateful to be working, but sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I cut today...it wasnt a big one, but it was enough to stop the pain. If only temporary.

ME

[Sannah]

What a terrible position to be in. This would make anyone feel bad. Are there no other jobs in your field available then?

[Cthomas]

With this economy I cant find very much. heck posting flyers for my computer repair goes better than job searching. Unfortunately I cannot afford to quit. Even tho I would like to. being paid eventually is much better than maybe not being paid at all.

Im depressed, not depressed, cant sleep, but want to sleep. and cutting....again. what the heck is my problem..

and will this econony ever get better? today I saw my boss snooping in my personal stuff. I took a pic with my phone but not quite sure how to handle this.

Jerk.....

Colleen

[Sannah]

Colleen I am so sorry that he is such a jerk! What the heck is your problem? What you just described would give anyone a problem. Do you think this boss is triggering up some stuff for you?

[Cthomas]

See were in technology. And the J****** was on my PERSONAL cellphone website. best was...he was logged in as ME!!!!! I logged it out. I dont know how he did it.....but I will tell you this. I plan to take out a police report. He dont pay my phone bill and i use it for business. He is triggering me more than anybody knows. Its amazing how one person, regardless of all the good in your life, can bring you to your knees. Make you question yourself, what you do, knowing its good work, but questioning everything. I just dont get it. I dont understand why I attract people who would do this to me.

No respect. No nothing. Just makes me want to give up on the rest. I know I shouldnt but im so depressed. I just want to give up on it all. Im so sick of struggling all the time. Why does one person dictate my future.....

[Cthomas]

Seriously is it just me??? am I living some messed up reality where everybody in my life just stomps on me? Im beginning to see a trend here. and it seems to keep picking up where I left off the last time.

I give up. Really....I do. I give up trying. Its not working. being positive is being fake.

[Sannah]

Colleen, can you examine the triggering so that you can deal with it better???? The thing with triggering is that it isn't so much the present that feels so bad but the past that is being triggered up which hurts worse. And when the past is being triggered up your inner child is being triggered up and you go back to this time. You are an adult but that inner child is in control when you are being triggered. Inner children do not cope or problem solve well. They are just children with limited intellectual and problem solving abilities and they are all feelings and fear and unhelpful feelings.

Does it help to see it from this perspective????

[Cthomas]

Actually it does help. I didn't think of it that way
I'm still trying to find a pdoc for help. Just feels like I'm sinking deeper and deeper these days. I will def think abt this and try to process it differently. Thanks sannah and all!
C

[Sannah]

And with seeing it in this perspective it gives you an option on how to handle it better by realizing that the child is in control when you are being triggered and that you can bring the adult you out more so that she can take control. The adult you can think and problem solve better and can put the emotions in perspective.

[Cthomas]

I'm trying it from you're perspective and its already lowered my temper some. Now if I can find a cheap pdoc I'd be happy! Thx sannah
C

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Cthomas

I'm trying it from you're perspective and its already lowered my temper some.

Yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep me posted???? You're welcome!

[Cthomas]

I need to get back on meds....I feel like a outta control train...

Aside from that, I plan to take your advice, and so far its working.

Take care,
C

[Kiya]

((((((((((Colleen)))))))))))))) thinking about you!

[nvrlvagain]

Try to hang in there. I believe everything happens for a reason. I was fired from a job the day after Christmas. It was the worst time this could have happened, monetarily especially. I ended up receiving unemployment. Found out that they provide opportunities for you to go back to school and pay up to a certain amount of your tuition. Plus the payments start again for an additional 6 months as long as you keep to your obligation. I ended up getting my nursing degree out of this whole situation and am a nurse now. for the past 5 months.

I know when things happen and they seem like the worst thing that could possible happen and one door closes. Maybe this is what's needed to push us to open a door that we would've never opened other wise.

Try to keep your head up!! I know its hard!!!

Originally Posted by Cthomas

Lost my second job couple of days ago...

Things just keep getting worse.

Im just sick and tired of it....

C