I need advice on my scars...

I'm twenty and I've been cutting myself for five years now, so as you can imagine, I have so many scars. They aren't faint either. I just met this guy that I really likes, and he likes me. But I am petrafied of him seeing them. What should I tell him if he sees them? Should I just tell him right away? I really don't know what to do. Help. Thanks for the advice in advance

In my opinion, our scars are an important part of who we are. Sooner or later, he's going to see them. If someone really truly likes and cares about us, they won't judge us by our scars. I hope it works out for you

I do not think he will care about your scars. Just enjoy yourself. That is the best thing you can do.

Are you getting help to stop the cutting?

Yes I do have therapy right now. I haven't cut myself in about a week. I'm a pre-vet major so my therapist is going to reward me by bringing in her puppy. Of course I still have today and tomorrow to not cut but I think I don't really need to, if you know what I mean. lol

That's a great reward to get. Personally I think you should go out and tell him. The longer you keep it from him the more he will wonder what they are from and why they are there. In other words he will have more time to judge them if he sees them and you don't realize that he has.

Good luck and I really hope you reach your goal! The reward will be so great!

Whatevery you do don't lie about them to him. If your relationship keeps going sooner or later he will find out the truth.

I told my husband on the third date, and we've been together for 6 years. Be honest with people. If they can't handle it, don't try to make them, trust me, it doesn't work.

I would put make-up on my scars if going on a date. But I definitly tell the guy I go out with, not necessarily the first 2 dates, when time feels right, that in the past, I was going through a very difficult time, & I had self-injured. My scars were part of my life struggle.
Keep in touch I'd like to know how you are doing, any Q, plz PM me.


Holmes

I use makeup to cover mine up a lot as well. It's a really good method until you are able to tell him about it. I agree with Holmes though, wait until the time is right.

If I were in your place, I would want to get it out on the table. I like to get my intricacies out on the table so I can get a feel for whether they have the capacity to understand I am a little different in how I process things. This is a good question too by the way. I think a lot of us need feed back and can relate to this kind of topic. I am glad you have stopped cutting, let us know how cute the puppy is please .

i would say tell him if you feel comfortable with it. i started tanning and mine have become less noticeable.

Its good to let people you trust know about this kind of stuff and persue to get help. But I understand it could be hard to tell someone your getting to know about it cause some people just don't understand. If I were in this situation, I'd go with my gut. If it feels right to tell them, then do. But if you really want to hide the scars, I'd recamend getting a tatoo over the marks. That is if your not opposed to tattoos.

I'm sure the puppy will be fantastic. But I must say that I am kind of afraid to tell him. I just asked him where are relationship stands and he said, "i don't know. I don't wanna push it." That makes me worried a little. Help.

I used makeup and strategically styled clothing to cover up my scars until I felt there was a true connection and a possibility of a real relationship... before revealing all of my inner self. There was a time when I was way too open, way too fast, and it made me vulnerable to a lot of hurt unnecessarily.

What worked for me was to gradually open-up, and to get to know each other before prematurely airing all of my issues. I didn't lie, but I guess I hid it well until there was some trust and depth in the relationship. Most of the time there was no need to tell, because I ended up not wanting the relationship to go further anyway. I don't have any regrets about protecting myself by waiting. It's been a while since I last SI'd, and most of my battle scars have faded...I think for me staying away from painful situations and nurturing myself greatly lessened the urges to SI.

I would definitely wait if I were scared and worried, and he was unsure...go slow and get to know him better first.

Great job on stopping for a week! Just take it one day at time, and take care of yourself!

i cover mine alot, i go tanning and put cover up on it. But if you like your bf so much he deserves to know. He will find out sooner or later. And if you were him i think that id rather you tell him then finding out by himself. Well i wish you best and im here for you if ever you need me

Hi Broken Wings,

I assumed that you just met him, but is he a boyfriend? How many times have you dated him and do you know him very well? I would definitely talk to him if he is a boyfriend. The relationship will become deeper and closer if he's the right guy for you and it was meant to be...otherwise, I think it's better to know earlier than later.

In my experience with this same issue, the scars were no big deal to any of the guys I dated. They could care less. It's not really the scars, but your actions. Now, if you like, cut during the relationship, that could really bring up some issues for him, i.e. he might think his being with you isn't making you happier, etc. So, in my opinion, don't worry so much about your scars, worry about getting yourself better

if he can't apreciate what you are going through he doesn't desrve you