I can't take it anymore!!!! ( May Trigger )

(((((((( angie2716 )))))))))

Ok I'm gonna have to call the crisis hotline when he goes to bed ( if I don't go before him ). It just keeps getting worse. I've cut twice within the past few minutes. And I'm starting to make the cuts bigger. I'm so scared and I'm going out of my mind. It doesn't take the hurt away. anymore when I do it so I have to cut more and deeper. Its like I've gotten used to the small ones and its not enough. I need help!

I hope you get help fast!

Yes, Angie. I am glad you realise that. Did you call the helpline? Are you ok dear? Hugs xxxx

It didn't help at all! I'm still feeling the same and don't know what else to do!

Angie, you have to get away from your husband. now. please go stay with your step dad or a woman shelter. and do it safely xxxx

I'm scared too. He's not my only problem. I'm having to work up at my dads restaurant and the girl that works there has caused so much drama and has been at it again. She knows how bad my panic attacks are and she is provoking me. And trying to get to me. And she is getting what she wants. I always said I would not let her see that she got to me but she did and I'm sure she loved every minute of it. But he is fixing to fire her. And me and my husband had a talk and he is supposed to go to counseling with me but I don't know if he will. I scared him last night I think. With my panic attack. Not the SI-ing. So I don't know if I should see how that goes first or what. I know people think I'm stupid but I want him to change so we can be together.

It seems like with all of your good intentions there is little control. It is so difficult.

Try to draw the line of what you can handle and have a degree of control over and what you have no control over.

And take one day at a time xx

Thank you........

Angie, please take you and your children and get out. When you are working who's watching the children. He is an abuser. Do you think he stops being an abuser? Do you know how many CASA cases end up with the father abusing the children while the mom is at work? Why are you choosing to stay over the safety of your children?

My step dad is watching them. The only time that my husband sees them is at night when we are home. I know I need to leave. And if he was abusing the kids they would tell me. And they would want anything to do with him. But they get so excited when he comes home. And they love spending time with him. I'm just waiting for my disability to kick in so I can. And that way I won't have to worry about paying everything on my own.

Can you stay with your stepdad? Something will always be preventing you from leaving and getting you from getting help.

He has no room for us. I know. I just want him to change so bad and he says he will but I don't know.

I'm glad that you and your husband talked. All of this hiding your issues from your husband is not working in your favor Angie (hiding your illness and trying to hide you making phone calls for your mental health). I'm concerned about your son and his anxiety too. A child seeing his mom really anxious is not very comforting.

Thank you. Yeah I'm worried about him too. I'm going to get them on medicaid and see if I can get him in to see a dr.

But what would really help him is you comforting him.

That's what I am doing. When he starts to feel anxious I get him to come and talk to me. I ask him what's going on and why is he feeling so anxious. And we sit and talk for a while.

How about just holding him and rocking him? I don't think that a 6 year old is really cerebral. They just need to feel safe and that everything will be okay because you are in charge. I don't think that it is so much about words with a 6 yr. old, it is more about feelings. Actually, talking about it too much could increase his anxiety I would think because it sends the message that you are treating him like he is older than a 6 yr old (because you are expecting him to talk and reason about it). He just needs to feel safe with you.........

He does. I sit with both of them in my recliner every night and we rock and watch movies. And my daughter mainly does her own thing playing with her toys but he stays with me. He is really clingy to me. Except for when he goes fishing with daddy.

Angie, just wanted to send you some hugs. Just wanted you to know that I hope that I hope you get better regardless if he gets better or not. Hugs, NF

Thank you!.......

THis is good Angie...........

Thank you. Yeah we got in the bed last night and they both laid right beside me with their heads on my arms. And we watched New Moon.