[pinkprincessss]

okay so my names hailey. i have bipolar 1 disorder. as a result little things tend to make me really upset, i think (correct me if im wrong) its called an "episode of depression" and it will occur over something as little as someone deleting my recordings off of the dvr. thats all it takes for me to feel worthless.

when i get upset i cut myself and i don't really know why, because when im happy the logic doesnt make much sense to me.

i like the sense of control i have over my body when i self inflict pain, which probably sounds really stupid, but whatever.

anyway so the other day i decided that maybe if i told my boyfriend i would feel obligated to stop cutting myself, so i told him. and he really didn't seem to be much effected by this which is very upsetting to me.
he knows im bipolar so maybe he expected it but all he really says is "im sorry you have it rough but i don't judge you"

i thought telling him would make me want to stop but in reality it makes me want to do it even more.
gah this all probably sounds really dumb but.okaaay.



advice appreciated.

[KeepHoldingOn]

First off I would like to say welcome to PC!

When you are happy it is common that you don’t understand the logic behind the action. Cutting can often be a way to communicate distress or can be used to cope better. It is a way to handle your current emotions and state of mind. Why you cut doesn’t have to make sense after you cut, it only has to make sense before and while you are doing it. If it didn’t somehow make sense to you before and while you were cutting it might not have been done at all. Although this is not always the case. Did you understand and are you able to write down your feelings before and after you cut? That might help you to become more aware of why you do it and how you feel during. Logging can be very useful to determine the source. Perhaps you could write down what triggered the episode as well as what you were doing before and after it took place.

Perhaps your boyfriend didn’t really know how to react to your cutting. It can seem overwhelming to him. Try not to judge the situation too soon. Just because he didn’t react a certain way doesn’t mean he doesn’t deeply care about you and want you to stop. Perhaps you should give him some time to let it all sink in before you talk to him about it again. You might also want to think about telling him about your bipolar, trust me, it will make things easier in the end and he will be able to understand what you are going through more fully, and in greater detail.

I think it is great that you want him to help you stop. Lean on as many people as you can, seriously, it helps a lot in the long run. Find people you can trust to talk to about your cutting and you will find it easier to open up and control your urges.

I think the best way to stop cutting or self injuring is to recognize why it is occurring and try to find better ways to handle when you get upset. A therapist can help you get down to the root of the problem and help you to find new coping mechanisms. Different methods that you can try can be found at the very top of the self injury forum in the sticky notes section.

I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself, and keep updating and letting us know how you are doing.
Feel free to pm me if you ever need to talk or have any questions.

- Keep

PS: None of what you said was dumb at all, I have been in many similar situations. You are not alone in feeling this way or in handling situations the way you do.

[bluegirl...?]

hope you like PC!

(((( pinkprincess ))))

-i think what (((Keep))) said was pretty good and answered you great-

I just want to also point out that what you said isnt stupid at all. Whenever I cut, I feel it's, like, the only thing that makes sense at the time, but when I'm okay and all in a good mood, I question why would I do something like this.

Also, it seems that at least your boyfriend isnt like "oh, you're such stupid twit, why would you do something like that?!". that sucks and hurts. And when he says he's sorry that you do it, he's basically saying he wish you didnt have to have your pain, which means he does care. Maybe he wasnt completely worried about you (and i know, sometimes all i want is someone to worry and fret over me, and hold me tight and make sure im alright), but people react in their own ways, and maybe he really does worry, but it's just more internal and he's trying to be strong and not show it.

Again, welcome to PC! and if you ever would like to talk, you can just send me a PM

--blegirl

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

PinkPrincesss,

Dear lord, that wasn't exactly very supportive of your boyfriend, IMO. Having said that, some people just don't know how to handle things, and I believe SI is a very delicate subject for most.

Also, welcome to PC. I hope you find this place and it's inhabitants helpful.

Regards,
Akuma

P.S
It doesn't sound dumb.

[Typo]

No it isn't dumb, the reasoning, it is one of the reasons I started self injuring was that sense of control it gave me.

As for what happend with your boyfriend, many people don't know how to respond to self injury, it is a diffcult thing to grasp and understand, he probably responded in a way he felt would cause you the least amount of distress on the subject.

As for quitting, we are the only ones that can make ourselves stop self injury, nobody else, and in the end we have to want to stop because we care for ourselves and want to make healthier decisions for ourselves.

Do you have a therapist you can talk to about this? Self injury is a very serious thing, and a very unhealthy coaping mechanism, it took me years and years of personal work and therapy to stop, and to learn proper healthy coaping mechanisms, the sooner you deal with it the better.

Please keep posting, I hope you are able to find the support and answers you seek here at PC.

Peace and Serenity
Typo