[green24]

Hi, I haven't ever posted on this part of the site before but I just started SI'ing in May. I was doing it pretty often then I stopped for about a month then relapsed again on Sunday night. I have only told my t and my psych about this. I really want to tell my best friend but I don't know how she will react. It was hard enough on her to deal with certain aspects of my depression and to throw cutting in the mix I'm afraid might freak her out...It's just that I feel like I need some support...someone to talk to when I feel like SI'ing so I can talk my way past it or something...I don't want to have to call my t everytime I feel like doing it and I'm trying to stop so I may not need her but what if I do. I'm going thru some hard times and that's when I tend to do it...I'm just afraid that if I tell her she will freak out and tell one of our other friends which is an older friend who will definetly tell my mom...which is not a good thing. I know it would be good to have support but then I don't want to freak her out and put a heavy load on her. Plus how do you explain to her about SI"ing? I just don' t know what to do? Any one else have a problem with telling their friends or should I just suck it up and tell her?...I'm just scared!

[Rapunzel]

If you want to tell your friend about SI so that you can have the option of calling on her for support, I think the important thing is to be prepared to help her learn how she can help. Not everybody is able to deal with stuff like this, so that's something you want to consider carefully, and maybe discuss telling her with your T before you go ahead with it.

That said, one of the best ways you can help her help you is to be prepared to answer her questions, which means you need to find some answers and have a bit of understanding of what it is and why you do it. Here's a good place to start looking: Sweet Crusader's Cocoon . It's by one of our members here, and she has a page for loved ones, as well as links and a book list and other resources.

Best wishes to you, and I sincerely hope that you are able to stop hurting yourself and heal all the way through. It sounds like the support is there for you to be able to beat this. You're always welcome to come here for support too.

I told one or two of my friends that I had times of wanting to "hurt myself". One asked for more details, the other didn't, but both said to call them if I ever felt like that again and they would talk to me till I felt safe again. YOu could say you are scared of lots of people finding out but perhaps offer her a safe older person to tell (I'm guessing she might need that support herself) if you want to. I'm not sure I would want to tell a friend and insist they kept it a secret.
Or could you just call your friend anyway if you feel like SI again and just tell her you are scared and need to talk without telling her what you want to do?
The last time I felt like SI I called a help line where there were counsellors. The counsellor I soke to was really good and when I mentioned that I had a "safe place" to imagine but couldn't get there, she asked me lots of questions about it until I was able to picture it.
Hope this helps.
Hugs if you will have them
Caroline

[tamzinrose]

My most trusted friends know about my SI. They accept it as a part of me. They don't necessarily LIKE it and they REALLY don't like what I'm doing to myself, but they are some of the reasons that I've been trying to quit. I needed their support, and I still do. They've talked me out of it for hours sometimes, just babbling about anything to keep me distracted, and one of my buddies threw my scissors in the lake, which I am eternally grateful for. They've been great to me and I love them so much for helping me.

[BlueFaith]

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you! Sorry you are having a hard time right now.
~MP~

[shadowdancer]

hey green. you could always come here, when you feel like doing that. if i'm around, i'll be happy to talk to you. although i bet most of the people here feel the same way. your question is a hard one for me to answer b/c i have friends that i could never tell, who could never understand. their rejection was very painful and i don't want to see you go through that. however, you know how your friend is, perhaps she is different. i'll just say proceed with caution...i don't want you to get hurt.

i'm usually here if you ever need anything. just PM me.

((((((((((((((((green)))))))))))))))))

-shadow

[green24]

Thanks guys for the encouraging words. I know I can come here for support I've just never used a site like this during such a time. My friend is my best friend and she knows everything about me except this...I am going to proceed with caution because even though I know deep down she will be supportive I don't know how she will handle something like this. I don't know if I want to put something like that on her...maybe I will talk it over with my therapist first...it would be a good idea if she could come to therapy with me but we don't live in the same town so that wouldn't be possible...a part of me says to myself I'm going to quit so why even tell her, but what happens when the next time comes and I am tempted again?...well anyways thanks for the advice I don't know what I'm going to do yet so keep me in your thoughts if you will...

[hereiam]

remember you can always come to us too.

[tamzinrose]

Aww thanks! That's so sweet of you! *HUG*

[LadyDragus]

how have you kept the scars from her seeing them???

if you keep hiding it, she will find out.. Talk to her and if she is your best freind she will understadn.. I know mine freaked out on me, but she also said call me no matter what it took a few days, then she relized I was reaching out to her, cause I did not like what I was doing, and I was scared.. to be doing this..

it is scary no matter if we have support or not..
Try talking to her like say in thrid preson point of view, to see if she would say if it was a mutal friend .. That might work..

That way you could test the waters to see if she flips out or not? just a suggestoin ok.

[green24]

I keep the scars hidden well with clothing...i do it in places that can be covered easily so I don't know if she will ever find out because I even wear shorts with my swimsuit....However she is my best friend and I feel like I need her so I am probably going to tell her I just don't know how exactly...I may try doing it in third person thats one idea...thanks....I'm thinking about going to visit her this weekend so I may tell her then and I'm really scared...doing it over the phone and in person is two different things....wish me luck!

[silver_queen]

When I told my friend that I SI'd, I found not only that she knew what I was talking about, but that she had also done it herself. Good luck in telling your friend. I hope you find understanding and sympathy from her.