[inkblot]

I posted about my "bad day" in General. Now I am posting in here tonight. I wanted to self-medicate somehow, by OTC's or anything, but I didn't know what. I came up with something else instead--I cut. The blades I have in the car were too dull, and another was sharp but way too rusty to even consider using. I had just bought a new one recently, but I couldn't find it. So, I went to the store and bought a few things, including another new blade. It's not bad. More like nasty scratches, maybe a couple of them like deeper like from really sharp cat's claws. Everything is clean-cut, and I used alcohol and then ointment after. I'd say pretty good for my first time. I probably should have called my T again, but I couldn't. I've called and left messages on his pager twice yesterday and twice today already. I don't want to bug him anymore. I'm also afraid of what he might say if I did. I am also afraid of what he might say when he does find out, assuming that might happen at my next appointment. If I can wait that long. Maybe I will call his pager and leave a message for him tomorrow on what I did tonight. I don't know. I'm afraid. I kind of enjoyed it tonight. I kind of liked the challenge of how deep can I get. I'm afraid that each time I might try it, I could try to get a little deeper. I didn't even want to stop doing it tonight. It's like its addicting. Do you know what I mean?

[BamaSurvivor]

I think all of us SIers know what you mean... It is addicting and that's why it's best to never start. Once you start it's extremely hard to quit. I hope you find better coping skills rather than cutting. (((((ink)))))

[complic8d]

I have some nasty scars that I have to deal with on the inside of my arm. It is addicting and now I have to work on resisting the temptation. I have just been in the hospital and recently, when I got home, I turned my blade over to my husband. It helps that it isn't there where it is too convenient. Try to get rid of yours so that if you are tempted they aren't available and maybe you have time to talk yourself out of it. I know how you feel because it does "help" in some way, but not in the long run.

[blackdragon]

(((((((((((((inkblot))))))))))))))))) I know what you mean on addicting. At least you are taking care of your cuts. Well it happens to the best of us. When the urge takes control. If you ever need to talk, i am here. Message me. I go on this site like 5 times a day (im addicted to this site lol).

[hereiam]

I'm sorry, but one day, you'll seriously regret ever starting this. I SERIOUSLY urge you to QUIT doing this ASAP. I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into. Hell, all you have to do is read every other post in here. The pain you go through, the turmoil, the anger, the surpressing, the sadness...

If you think this is going to consistently make you feel better than I hate to break it to you - it won't. You're only digging your hole deeper.

Tell your therapist, and good luck to you.

[Hope4me2]

Inky so sorry you had to resort to that to cope.....please stop.....it is addicting and you do not want to keep going with it....my arms are horrible and it is summer....my scars are bad on my stomache and arms ...I feel so ashamed and hate myself and in turn do it more...so please before you get into it to much stop and tell you T

[wisewoman]

Inky, I see the need to self-medicate. I get it. You know what helps me in a positive way? It's to laugh my *** off. I have heard this story a few different times with a few different twists. The latest one had me rolling and peeing I was laughing so hard.

Okay, so I want you to laugh, think silly and embarrassing and bloopers. You know they always say don't go out without clean underwear on? Well this couple was driving to a *****art in Fl and the car broke down in the parking lot. He told her to go ahead and do her shopping, he would fix the car. She came back out to a small group of people standing around her car and a pair of men's legs sticking out from underneath. Upon closer examination she saw that the crowd was aware that the man had no underwear on and lose shorts so all of his manly goods were hanging for all to see. She quickly reached under and tucked the equipment back into his shorts and stands up to see her husband looking at her from the other side of the car. The couple was okay, the car was okay, the mechanic, he needed three stitches in his head.

Okay so it made me giggle. I know, I have the humor of a 12 year old. See somthing funny, listen to funny tapes, laugh. It releases the same chemical the si does but without the guilt and shame and addiction later.

[Hope4me2]

so cute wisewoman....thanks for the laugh