[googley]

I'm feeling depressed and I want to cut. I don't know if there is something else under there. I just feel so awful.

[Sannah]

What happened?

[googley]

I don't know what happened. I'm starting to feel depressed again. And the two often go together for me. I'm having trouble sleeping, my concentration is going, I'm feeling stressed, I'm forgetting things, I'm feeling irritable. All those things that tend to precede a major depressive episode. I guess I'm feeling like everything is pointless. Ugh! I want to make the bad feelings go away.

[googley]

I feel worthless. I feel so alone.

[notz]

((((((((Googley))))))))))

I've struggled with SI'ing all my life. For what it's worth, once I went into menopause, the urges were not nearly as intense. That confirmed what I always knew...hormones and my menstrual cycle often wreaked havoc with me.

I've also struggled with depression. Get it all going at the same time and it's pretty ugly. When I was younger, swimming laps helped a lot - I like the feel of the water, it's soothing. Now, my main "diffuser" is lifting weights or worse case, snapping a rubber band on my wrist. I have permission from p-doc for that one. She knows it's better than the alternative.

I can only share my experience, I wish I could do more. Know that I care and I'm thinking of you.

[Sannah]

Googley, do you think that you are feeling this way because you are starting to address things in therapy, and, therefore, face all of these things? Depression is from feelings not being addressed. If you go to therapy and express these things I'll bet it will help. Please keep us posted.

[googley]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Googley, do you think that you are feeling this way because you are starting to address things in therapy, and, therefore, face all of these things? Depression is from feelings not being addressed. If you go to therapy and express these things I'll bet it will help. Please keep us posted.

Thanks Notz- I have a number of years before menopause. I haven't timed it enough to know if there is a specific time of month that things are worse. I should do that.

Sannah- There are just so many things right now. I feel like my head is overflowing. Too many things.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by googley

There are just so many things right now. I feel like my head is overflowing. Too many things.

Could this be what is bringing you down?

(((((((((((((((googley))))))))))))))))))

[googley]

I hate myself. I really just want to find someplace to cut and do it. I feel so alone. I feel like my brain is mush. I feel like there isn't any point to it. I'm sitting across from my friend and I still feel like crap. Too many pressures all making me go crazy. I feel like a freak. I can't stand it. I want my life to be over. No one should care about me. I don't deserve it. I can't stand all the people around me.

[notz]

(((((((googley))))))))

[Sannah]

Can you call your therapist?

[googley]

I called my T and told her how I'm feeling. But then just said I would see her tomorrow. I didn't tell her about my urges to cut. I just feel like my brain is mush and I can't concentrate. I'm so angry about this summer. I'm so angry about my parents. I'm angry about classes. I just hate my life. I feel like my life is spinning out of control and I'm trying to keep it under control with a brain made of Swiss cheese. I am hating everything. Everything is just too stressful. I can't take any more.

[Sannah]

Maybe if you talk about your anger in therapy today it will relieve some of the pressure?