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Old Dec 20, 2010, 09:29 AM
turquoisesea's Avatar
turquoisesea turquoisesea is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 9,092
Hi everyone some of you may not know me. I have not si'd in a while and don't come to this forum a WHOLE lot in order to protect myself from thinking about it too much/triggering. But I used to si pretty often.

I've been getting closer to si for the past week, and it's starting to scare me. I've resisted. The desire is no where NEAR as intense as it was before. I've not si'd for a while, I wish I remembered the last day I did so I could keep a count, and be proud.

I've been really upset with myself/angry at myself (but really I'm angry upset and terrified by a lot more than just myself, I tend to blame myself for everything
)


!!--- Trigger warning ---!!



Last night was humiliating. I had a sudden intense urge to si, had just been trying to cut open a bagel and started to run downstairs with something to the bathroom, boyfriend followed though. I don't think I actually would have done it but it was so close. I've not done that in what feels like a very long time.


!!--- End trigger ---!!!


So I'm humiliated and afraid
and could use some support
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Resisting...

Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.


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  #2  
Old Dec 20, 2010, 11:00 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Posts: 19,179
Quote:
Originally Posted by turquoisesea View Post
I've been really upset with myself/angry at myself (but really I'm angry upset and terrified by a lot more than just myself, I tend to blame myself for everything )
I'm glad that you didn't SI. Do you want to talk about this ^?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #3  
Old Dec 20, 2010, 11:17 AM
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Omers Omers is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: Crimson cattery
Posts: 3,512
I am really glad that you had someone with you ready to support you when you needed them. What helped you stop the SI before?
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There’s been many a crooked path
that has landed me here
Tired, broken and wearing rags
Wild eyed with fear
-Blackmoores Night
  #4  
Old Dec 20, 2010, 01:20 PM
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bipolar_bear bipolar_bear is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,106
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((turquoisesea))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so glad you did not harm yourself. It is wonderful your boyfriend is so supportive. Please try and take care of yourself.

BB
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Resisting...


  #5  
Old Dec 20, 2010, 09:44 PM
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googley googley is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2009
Posts: 7,516
((((((((turquoisesea))))))

I'm sorry you are having urges to SI again. I'm glad that you were able to keep yourself from SIing this time. What has helped in the past? Remember that there is a list at the top of the forum of things to do instead of SIing when you have the urge.
  #6  
Old Dec 20, 2010, 10:09 PM
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billieJ billieJ is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2009
Location: Big Spring, TX
Posts: 1,042
Of course we know you, turquoisesea! I am so glad you resisted the urge. I cannot claim to know much about this, but am quite familiar with self-destructive behaviors, which may have something in common with Si. I know that SI is much more complex than that. I am grateful that you have a supportive other. billieJ
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FORGIVENESS
Releases the poison from your system and sets you free ~ From the Heart ~ billieJ
  #7  
Old Dec 21, 2010, 03:25 AM
abaca01 abaca01 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 42
Good for you and your boyfriend, I have been going through the same thing, I am sure you can continue to resist! Best of luck!
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