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#1
Dec 11, 2010, 04:48 AM
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So I wasn't sure whether to put this in the dream section or here... I decided maybe here.
I still haven't SI'd in 5 months. Woot! Also, the painful urges have subsided a lot. However my issue is, that in the past 2 weeks I've had 3 dreams that scare me and I am pretty certain pertain to my past cutting. The first one, it was an accidental cut. The second one... Well I posted a description of it, asking for ideas earlier titled: "No Heroes". That one I didn't do anything. However in last night's dream was the first time in the dreams that I had to willingly harm myself and draw blood. I don't know, it's hard enough to fend off the urges and to figure out how to handle my situation, now my subconscious won't leave me alone about it. I don't want to go to sleep and be haunted by something that I did in the past and that I resist doing every day. So... I'm just wondering if there are any ideas as to why I'm dreaming this, or perhaps how to make the dreams subside? Because they're increasing in vividness and scariness. |
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#2
Dec 11, 2010, 06:44 AM
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Our subconscious (SC) is valuable I think. My interpretation is that your SC is just working out the urges that you do have to SI. I don't think that we dream about our past so much as we dream about our current struggles.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Dec 11, 2010, 05:42 PM
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I agree with you Sannah about dreaming about current struggles, at least that's what my dreams always lead to.
XD; it just doesn't help to have these dreams when I'm already fighting urges. Thank you for responding. |
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#4
Dec 12, 2010, 02:24 AM
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Detia, I can't remember if you are in therapy or not? Are you, and if so are you working on your SI?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Dec 12, 2010, 03:40 AM
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=/ No I'm not in therapy, but I'm looking at my options. I'm thinking of calling this one place in the next few weeks. The payments are scaled, and seeing as my family has a low income I won't have to pay a lot to have a therapist... Which would make it possible for me to get one.
But either way I am trying to work on my SI. I haven't SI'd in 5 months so far on my own, even though I have to fight myself often to keep that up... |
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#6
Dec 12, 2010, 04:19 AM
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That would be great if you got a therapist. These things cannot be conquered fully without therapy. Keep us posted?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Dec 12, 2010, 04:23 AM
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Sure, I can do my best to try to keep you guys posted.
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 Sannah
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#8
Dec 14, 2010, 07:45 AM
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Kind of an update maybe... I dunno. I haven't called the therapists to figure out if I can make an appt or even afford it yet.. But I requested more information on the services of a specific center recently. I'm waiting for the reply now...
I'm hoping that I'm able to get a therapist soon, because I feel like I really need help right now. I've been taking hormone supplements for the past 4 days to help with amenorrhea, so I think that's a huge contributing factor to the mood swings I've been having... But my girlfriend stayed with me all last night to make sure that I was going to be okay because I had a mild emotional breakdown in the restroom of a 24 hour diner. ...The night before that I wasn't too okay either. So I'm becoming more afraid for my health than I have been before... Sorry for ranting, I just.. I dunno I felt like I needed to for some reason. |
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#9
Dec 16, 2010, 01:46 PM
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Hah... I really don't know where to put this anywhere on the forum so I'm going to put it here seeing as it's already giong and half of the reason for posting it anyway is to kind of sort out my thoughts.
I finally got a call back from a local Therapy center, and I'm welcome to go in as a walk-in for an assessment or whatever. I'm kinda freaking out just a bit because well... I realized that even if the place is sliding scale, then they would still need insurance information. I was hoping that maybe I could go without either of my parents knowing. However seeing as I have absolutely no income of my own, and I certainly don't pay my own insurance... I would have to talk to one of them. Even then, would Medicare or Blue Cross/Blue Shield cover that? I mean it's probably sliding scale so I don't have to worry as much... but I don't know last time I asked my mom if I could see a therapist she got upset and asked why we couldn't deal with it at home. Well I was able to sort out the problem that I wanted to go for, over 2 years... However I don't think I can deal with my mind alone anymore. Edit: I finally got the information I was looking for! The insurance makes the therapy free, and then because of confidentiality, my mother never has to know I'm going unless I decide to tell her! Now I just have to figure out a schedule to go and not seem all suspicious-like. Last edited by Detia; Dec 16, 2010 at 02:16 PM. |
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#10
Dec 17, 2010, 09:04 PM
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Yah! Very good. Please continue to keep us updated...........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#11
Dec 17, 2010, 10:12 PM
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I got assessed today! My insurance allows me to go for free, and I don't have a limit on the amount of visits I can have. Neither will the rates go up. The only thing I'll have to pay for is the the visit with the pdoc but it's pretty cheap, I can afford it cause it would only be every 3 months or so.
I'm honestly pretty excited because a therapist is something I've wanted to get for a while to get professional help with a few things. Also, they gave me a copy of my treatment plan so I'm amused to read about my neurosis written on paper.The wording is very blunt and interesting... |
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#12
Dec 18, 2010, 03:23 PM
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Wow, what great news!!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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