[Detia]

So yeah... I really don't know how I feel right now. I had a hell of a time over the weekend fighting urges and being thoroughly ticked off because of my grandparents. Also I have a doctors appointment that I'm anxious about. I could find out anything from having a thyroid issue to cancer... Or nothing.

I... Think I should feel relieved to be home or something, I might be. I'm not as mad anymore like I was earlier today. I know I'm still frustrated and I have plans to disown my grandparents because no one should be treated the way that they treat people. It's not even that they do too much either, but all of the grandkids are upset, all of the time. So something isn't right, we're not selfish, spoiled brats. We honestly care about our grandparents, but we want absolutely nothing to do with them.

...Am I feeling anything, and how do I find out if I am..? Without breaking my 5 month free streak.

[Sannah]

Hey Detia, sorry about the grandparents. Do you want to talk about it more? Sorry that you are worried about the doc apt. Many of us think that it will be worse then it actually ends up being. When is your first therapy appt.?

[Detia]

My first appointment is on the 29th at 4pm. It was when I and the therapist would next be free. Because I have that doc appt tomorrow.. Then on Xmas Eve is my friend's birthday, then Christmas itself, followed by a date on the 27th which will probably go from the 26th to the 27th.

...=/ I'm not sure. I think I've ranted about it enough. I told my mom about things that happened and she grew up with it, minus the grandfather because grandma divorced and remarried this guy that pisses off all of the grandchildren. Both grandparents talk down to all of the kids and treat us like we're complete idiots that don't know anything. Grandma guilts us for everything she buys us. So we never want to accept anything from her, which used to be a modesty thing. Now we just don't want to deal with her crap. However if we tell her that we don't want anything, she gets pissed off or cries.

Yeah... I don't think the doc appt. will be too bad. I went a few weeks ago and they drew blood... I had a friend along so that I wouldn't panic because I don't like needles. I don't pass out or anything, they just kind of scare me and so I get worked up. So tomorrow is the results of my blood work..

[Sannah]

Do you think that you could ignore your GM possibly or avoid her as much as possible? It sounds like you get upset about your cousins being upset too, though? Do you and your cousins talk about this together?

I'm so glad that you have your therapy appt. soon.

[Detia]

I'm pretty glad too. xD Hopefully I'll be able to learn better coping skills and be able to sort some things out in my head...

I already avoid her as much as possible, it's a lot harder when she plans an entire weekend for me, my sister and my cousins. And yeah, me and my cousins do talk about it together. I definitely get upset when they're upset. I don't know anyone being treated unfairly, especially when they're close to me. I have the hardest time when my sister isn't being treated right though, because she rarely is by any family. It's just wrong, and no one feels like correcting the issue or even seeing what they're doing.

On top of that, I'm very attached to my mother and sister, and Grandma will talk about how awful my mom is and how my mom can't do anything herself. Basically this own woman has no faith in her own daughter, and thus butts in all the time. However my mom accepts it, because sometimes she does need help and she isn't going to turn down any help she can get.

[Sannah]

That does sound hard to hear your mom being put down. Do you talk to her about it?

[Detia]

It depends, because my mom doesn't get so upset about her mother talking crap about her as she gets upset about the idea that someone is putting down a kid's parent to that kids face. She doesn't think it's right for anyone to do, let alone her own mother.

So sometimes I don't say something because I don't want to see my mom get upset, or to hear some of the more outrageous things my grandmother has said. So sometimes I'll forget exactly what is said.. However I will on occasion share it with my mom and lately she doesn't have that much to say about it because she (reportedly) has never felt very loved by her own mother. My mom pretty much knows how her own mother views her, despite how wrong that view might be.

Do I talk to my grandmother about it? That is much less likely. That is because grandma will get upset that I was defending my mother. It'll get to the point where grandma complains to my mom saying "You're daughter is always very quick to defend you." Which my mom isn't surprised by at all, however grandma makes it sound like a bad thing...

[Sannah]

I wouldn't discuss it with your GM either.

[Detia]

xD glad to know I'm not the only one. I'm feeling a whole lot better being out of her house. I've been home for about three days even though I spent the night at a friend's last night... She's been having a lot of issues with her roommate... I kept her company today to help her cope with her things being stolen as her roommate moved out... It was stressful because I ended up staying 2 hours extra when I was supposed to get home and help my sister go shopping, on top of that my mom was sick. But despite that stress, I wasn't freaking out so bad as I was at grandmas.

I dare say I feel rather content today, worried about my friend because she has depression issues and she's going through a lot right now, but I've been helping her best I can. Also my mother's being understanding too.. despite her being sick, which is also helping. I feel pretty good about not freaking out so bad today. lol... Just not looking forward to christmas because we're going to grandmas after we open our presents.

[Sannah]

Very good! Get through Grandmas and then get away from her again, LOL!

[Detia]

lol, I will do my best to behave. Then hopefully I won't have to ever deal with her afterwards. I'll consider it a new years resolution.