[cryingchild]

Ive had a drink tonight and just feel so hopless about my life I think it all began when I was young?I have a twin sister and I just felt that she had more attention then me(I know thats so wrong for me to be thinking like I am now)But too be honest I hate my sisiter for being better then me.I hate the fact that she has friends and I dont I hate the fact that she has someone to love her for what she is (Like when Am I going to get that)I hate the fact that she has a normal life and Im tottally screwed up...........I hate the fact that she is more confident then me..........every time I see her I hate her even more (I know thats horrid ) I just see her and wish It was me..........

Im such a waste of space.such a no hoper.......such a lost cause where she has evereything????

Im sorry this feels so not right.so painfull...............bear with me while I get my head around this..............

[heidu]

Hugs sweetie.
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[penna]

wow, i'd imagine it would be pretty tough to have your own identity being a twin. i had enough trouble doing that just having a sister a year younger than me.

i don't really have a lot of advice to offer, but i can relate to what you're saying, even though i'm not a twin. when we were kids my sister was always the favorite of every authority figure and i spent my childhood hearing "your sister is so nice and cheerful, why can't you be more like her? why do you always have to be so negative?" i heard this from my mother, most of my teachers, people at church, pretty much everyone. it got so that if she was involved in something i made sure i never went anywhere near it for fear of being compared to her yet again. of course, that really limited my life, which just became another way for people to compare us so i never felt like i could win.

have you talked to a therapist about this at all? they might be able to help you think about some strengths that you have that your sister doesn't. no one is perfect, so she *must* have some flaws.

[cryingchild]

Thats for your support ,my parents are always saying to me that my twin is not as confident As I think she is its just that I cant see anything thats wrong with her?? When I compare myself to me anyway.......I have never talked about this with therapists as its always been a very touchy subject And I just feel that Im been silly I will re think though about talking to someone as its never going to go away till I face my feelings.

[penna]

i don't think you're being silly at all. i think a lot of people with a sibling who is very close to their age probably have similar feelings, and i'm sure it's worse for those who share even their birthday with a sibling. it's really hard to feel like you can have an identity that doesn't in some way involve your sibling if so much in your life is similar to theirs--how could you help but compare yourself?

i think it would be really helpful for you to talk to someone completely unfamiliar with your sister. that person would only know you and, consequently, be able to help you see yourself in a way that is completely independent of your sister.

[Rapunzel]

I think that telling us about your sister is a good start. The feelings that you have about her are important, and need to be acknowledged, at least in therapy. It sounds like your parents are not accepting those feelings from you and are trying to get you to see it their way instead? That is understandable too, since I'm sure that they want their children to have good feelings towards each other, but it hurts when someone denies your feelings. The way you feel is yours, and you should never have to feel bad for having emotions.

I relate to the way you feel about your sister too. I have a sister who is two and a half years younger than I am, and she was always the good child, while I was considered the rebel. I wanted to think for myself and have some independence, and I wanted to get away from her sometimes (she was encouraged to spy on me and report back to mom if I ever questioned the rules). She grew faster than I did, so we were the same size pretty soon and people thought we were twins. She is four inches taller than me now - she's a normal height and I'm short. We were always very competitive, and once my parents sat us both down and in an effort to get us not to compete said that she was the smarter one while I was more of an artist. So, I started putting more into school subjects and she got more into art, trying to be competitive in each other's area. Now, she's got a successful carreer (she is a psychiatrist), while I didn't get into graduate school and have struggled as a goat farmer. She has a nice house and can afford to travel home and visit, and I don't/can't, so I'm not really even part of my family anymore.

So, you are not the only one overshadowed by a sister. I hope that you are able to talk about it and work through it. I think you will find that talking to a therapist about this issue will go better than you expect, and that they will accept and understand your feelings.

Hugs,
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[cryingchild]

Thanks everyone for all your support :