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#1
Mar 16, 2011, 12:58 AM
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i guess i just felt like sharing this... want to get it out some how. but back when I was in 11th grade (about 6 years ago), i told my parents about my cutting. I actually made myself go 2 weeks without doing it, so when i went and told my mom I could say "i used to have that problem". though right after telling, i started up again. my parents wouldnt let me see a therapist. when they found new cuts, they would ground me to my room, where i was all alone... depressed... would just do it again. i finally found a person to talk to at church and my parents refused to let me talk to him anymore. when my parents and I were watching tv one day, a girl was a cutter on an episode, and her mom had been drinking (it was the episode of Degrassi: TNG where Ellie did it the first time), and my mom looked at me and said "well she's cutting because her moms an alcoholic. what's your excuse?" tonight, i remember her saying that back then, and her voice says it over and over in my head, and it is hurtful and annoying to hear. what was really going on back then was that both my parents were physically and emotionally abusive to me. so that was my excuse, but they denied it and say i deserved it. so it angers me in a way, that my mom would say "whats your excuse?" when i had so many excuses she didnt ever realize...
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#2
Mar 16, 2011, 06:13 AM
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So sorry you had to go through that. It must have been really painful. How are things with you now?
__________________
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." ~Stephen King Dx Bipolar II Med-free for the time being |
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#3
Mar 16, 2011, 07:23 AM
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Things are going better, as far as the SI goes. I havent cut in months, and have made a goal for myself to go the whole year of 2011 without SI'ing. My reward is a tattoo on my left inner arm where I did most of my cutting. It will be of a nautical star, filled in with orange (the color of the SI awareness ribbon) and the word "survivor" written next to it. i hope it will serve as a reminder for me of how strong I've been this year.
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#4
Mar 16, 2011, 08:12 AM
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Great idea. Good luck with the SI free year.
__________________
"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." ~Stephen King Dx Bipolar II Med-free for the time being |
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#5
Mar 16, 2011, 08:48 AM
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Hi Krisa, I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that with your parents. That sounds really hard. I'm also glad that you are doing better today!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#6
Mar 17, 2011, 01:02 PM
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i sympathise. i've been self harming since i was 8 and told my parents in 2009. i couldn't tell them cos i remember being part of a conversation which went "People who self harm are just doing it for attention".
I think families struggle to understand and you can try and explain but people still just don't understand. |
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