Despair

Last night I cut because of the trouble's me and my bf are having. He keeps getting mad at me and giving me the silent treatment. I'm just so sick of fighting with him about the same old thing. Well, last night I had had enough of the fighting and was gonna end it all.

After I had cut I had been contemplating taking all my pills. Not to worry, I didn't. I tried to tell my bf that I was thinking about it but when I went to him, he asked what I wanted so I figured he really didn't care. Instead of telling him, I told him nevermind and went back into the bedroom. When I woke up this morning I was still thinking of it. I thought he was sleeping so I asked him if he cared if I OD'd. Well, he wasn't sleeping....he held me, said he loved me, and to my surprise started crying. He never cries about anything and nobody has ever cried over me. I held him and reassured him that I wasn't gonna go anywhere.

So we made up and everything's ok for now. He actually agreed to talk about our issues, when in the past he's said it's better to "sweep them underneath the rug". He also said he's gonna try to understand things from my standpoint instead of refusing to even consider it and be stubborn about it. This, of course, is such a relief to me. Maybe this relationship will work out. He wants to be with me and never wants to leave me.

I just hope he doesn't find out that I cut. That would break his heart even more.

Lex-- are you in therapy? Seems like you have alot of issues going on there and it may be good to talk through with your T.

Yeah I'm in partial hospitalization. I can talk to someone...I'll meet with them soon enough.

(((((((Lexicon))))))))) Good. Remember your goal to be healthy. You are worth it!!

(((((((((((Lex)))))))))))

I agree with EV.... you are worth it
(we all are.... sigh )

sounds like he's at least making an effort to be there for you... but don't worry too much about 'breaking his heart' at your expense, if he really does care I'm sure he'd rather know the truth and be there for you... hope all goes well.... ((((((Lexicon))))))

Backandforth makes a good point I agree with. I'm so glad he's decided to be understandning {{{{lexi}}}} Hope it goes well.

Take care