[Overcastbutclearing]

This is my first post in here.
I usually stay away from this topic.
I was good @ not cutting for a long time. I found other ways of self harm. But, I have had feelings in forbidden places and feel like they must be punished.
Anyway...not sure what else to say.
I am lost!

[Overcastbutclearing]

Well, I don't know how to control it now.
It could be the very best healing I could come up w/.
In fact...this is all the therapy I may need!

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG: Life!!!

[Overcastbutclearing]

Maybe I will get lucky and cut a vein?
Does anyone even give a s*h*i*t> Well, I don't so does it matter who does anymore???
Gonna fall down in the black hole and stay!!!

[LILITH]

You sound like you are in trouble..... please don't self harm.........I am here for you....

[LILITH]

Susan, I give a ***** about what happens to you. Have you called your therapist?

[LILITH]

Oh yeah Susan what about the new life you have in your family.... your family needs you... the world needs to have kind loving people. like you...

[tamzinrose]

I care too.

[hereiam]

I care. I hope you dont cut a vein, and I feel for you and the pain you're in. Most of us have been there, we understand. You need to get out those feelings. Have you called your T, or a hotline? PM'd one of us?

[Overcastbutclearing]

I have called T and told her.
I have pm'd someone here.
I just am a bit of a mess.
The Holidays are very hard on me. As I have posted before...my abuse started right before Christmas. So, with the horrible flashbacks and some other things happening in my life I just had to get that high feeling that comes with cutting.

[inkblot]

A new place, another form of SI, one can replace another but it's still SI. I hope you feel better, sj! You will find something that really, really, really works for you to stop all forms of it. It *will* happen! Adderall has done it for me! That shocked the heck out of my T when he got back from vacation, too! He had never thought it could be AD/HD making me do it--but it makes sense! It's been 3 weeks since I last cut! Still have a few thoughts, but NO desire! I will stop patting myself on the back now, and get back to
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{sj0401}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Lexicon78]

I really do care and hope you do not hit a vein or anything. I hope that you will try to find some other way to deal with everything going on than just cutting yourself up. I know it's very hard to not cut, but at least try.

What I try to do is to keep my hands very busy doing anything...cleaning, typing, crafts, writing, anything.

[inkblot]

Definitely try to find an alternative distraction--keeping busy at something really helps. Maybe even go for a drive on the highway or somewhere.

[bipolar_bear]

I care. And it appears so do many others. I certainly hope you don't cut anything let alone a vein. I know how hard it can be. Please try and be safe.

[(JD)]

((((sj)))))) please take care of yourself... you don't need to cut yourself to feel better I hope! You know you are triggered at this time of year... now that you have made that connection firmly...

try to be gentle with yourself and pamper yourself because you deserve that .. you deserve all the good stuff you can do for yourself... don't let others continue to hurt you by your own devices... but be strong... as you can be.. and tell them NO you won't let them hurt you any more!!!! (((((hugs)))))

Now, what things do you like.. to do or eat...? I saw a really fat mockingbird in my yard today.. that was good to see. I had a food treat the first time in a long time since I'd had it... (last week) mmmm it was so good!

[Overcastbutclearing]

All I can say is I am trying at this point. I say that a lot , I know.
I have gone all through the night w/o cutting.
I am trying to deal with the hurts without hurting my body. I did so well for so long.
I am sorry I seem like such a confused person. I sometimes think I should just leave the forums because I am constantly moving from light to darkness in rapid speeds.
Please forgive me for all of my confusion and craziness.