scared ( trigger)

i feel like i'm going crazy. Since going back on the prozac i've felt like i'm not real and tonight it was like i had to prove to myself that i am. I did this sort of thing a couple of years ago, but only a few times. Tonight i smashed a wine glass and used it to cut my arm up so badly i've had to bandage it. It felt totally normal (i didn't feel angry or upset or anything - it was a rational decision) and didn't hurt. I'm aware this sort of thing isn't normal behaviour, and i'm terrified i'm losing control. I'm aware i'm rambling and i'm worried you're all going to think i'm pathetic or something. I'm so used to being in control of my emotions and my life, but now i feel like i'm slipping and i'm worried about losing the plot entirely. I have to stay in control - there's nobody to look after things if i don't (horrible dead family thing again)
am i mad? Tell me honestly!

Mildred

heya mildred... prozac did a number on me too... sounds like maybe you have a bad meds mix and should call your doc. Can you get hold of him/her soon as possible? This is an emergency!

Mildred,

While I do think that this is something you should talk to someone about, I understand why you would do what you did. My reasons for SI have included because I wanted to feel something just to feel real, and also to have control. And you aren't the first person I've heard say that Prozac makes them feel not real either. One thing that someone I know told me about it was, "Things still bother you - you just don't care." Does that sound familiar to you?

No, I don't think that you are mad. If you are, then I am too, and my T has told me that I'm not crazy. But do talk to someone about it. Maybe it would help to adjust your medication, or maybe it's just the transition, but if you can stop hurting yourself before it becomes too much of a habit, you'll be better off.

Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

topomax did that too me. I felt dead so I would cut myself just to see the blood come out to prove that I was alive. It was a totally "rational" decision. It made perfect sense to me. Which made it all the more scary. When that sort of things starts to make perfect sense it becomes down right dangerous. I called my PDoc and he got me off it right away. Then my emotions got crazy again and I felt safe again. Go figure. At least when I am feeling crazy I know I shouldn't listen to my rationalizations.
Take care,
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

{{{{{{{{Mildred}}}}}}}}

I was wondering how you are feelling today? Please post and let us know if you got ahold of your doctor ok?

Take care


Heather

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser."
~~author unknown

Hi I went to see the doctor today and he said it was the prozac and has prscribed me another drug (this will be the 6th antidepressant they've put me on!) He said I'm not going mad but remained alarmingly tight lipped about whether I'm having a breakdown or not (he said "well, it depends on what you mean by breakdown") Which is worrying!

Anyway, thanks for the concern - I'll keep you posted about the breakdown (how can you tell if you're having one anyway?!)

Mildred

(((mildred))) don't give up... there will be a medication out there that will help. At least that was my experience. Some of those drugs are horribly reactive.. but then we hit on one that really works for me. I pray it happens for you too! *HUGS*

Mildred,

Try not to worry about what he said about a breakdown. That is a word that is used popularly, but doesn't really have a professional definition. So he might just not be accepting the term. Since people apply that term however they like, it can refer to having any mental health problems at all.

You'll be okay. Talk to us whenever you need to, or want to.
Wendy

<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>

cheers m'dears!
Thanks for the good advice and support - now just have to wait for the prozac to get out my system and the new drug (lustral aka zoloft) to take effect!

Oh the excitement of all these mind-bending drugs! i can't wait!
(touch of sarcasm in last statement - could you tell!?)

Mildred