[Zenobia]

Sorry I have been so quiet. I have a cold and have been generally tired the last few days.

Here is something interesting though. I went to a family reunion last weekend. I got home and haven't had that inevitable crash that usually ends in serious damage. Here is something mega weird though. Before I was admitted into the psyche ward at the hospital I would do what I could to get my mom's approval. She would get into something like native american spirituality I would copy her. She would do the color analysis and I would copy her. Anything she would do I would do as well. The problem was she was never doing the same thing so I was always a step behind and never doing what she thought was the right thing at the time. Anyway. I got sick. In getting sick I realized I wanted to find ME. Who was I. What did I want from life. Who did I really want to be. When those questions came I found the only way I could find the answers was to cut myself off from my family emotionally. This was hard but I stopped attaching myself to my mom. Stopped looking for her approval (as best as I could) and started doing my own things.

OK now for the wierd part. This weekend I noticed that MY MOM IS COPYING ME! It is so bizarre. She has started cutting her own hair, just like me. She has joined a spiritual group of the same nature as my spiritual path. She has joined a gym to get buff like me. I mentioned this to my husband and he said he had noticed it a few months ago when she joined weight watchers like I did.

So what is up with this?
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[Rapunzel]

How does it feel to be the leader for a change? That's really interesting. I think that she wants approval from you also.

I hope your cold gets better soon. Yuck. I just got over one of those not too long ago.

Take care,
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[Zenobia]

My only concern is that it is a way to pull me back into our co-dependent dance. If she does more in stuff I do, she gains more knowlege about what I am into so she can once again assert control by telling me the best way to do the things that were my own thing first. Perhaps I am just looking on the dark side.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson

[Rapunzel]

I see your point. So, how can you keep her from turning it into one more way to control you? How long do you think she will stick with the things that you started first when she copies your activities? Maybe she will move on to something else if it isn't really something she wants to do. Or maybe you will find something else. If it turns out to be something that you both really like, it could be an opportunity to do something together and understand each other. I think it is significant that she has started to follow you since you stopped following her, and I think it can work out to your benefit, especially if you pay attention to what is going on in the relationship and don't give in if she starts trying to use it to control you.
Wendy

<font color=green>"Someone may have stolen your dream when it was young and fresh and you were innocent. Anger is natural. Grief is appropriate. Healing is mandatory. Restoration is possible." -Jane Rubietta</font color=green>

[Willow]

this is good insight! it definitely feels like something i up with that. If you can stay detangled it might actually end up being helpful that your mother is following you for a change.

[bptoo]

Carrie,

I think you should take this as the ultimate compliment. It sounds like to me that's she's echoing your behavior because she likes the path you're taking. A very flattering thing to happen I think. Yet another step forward for you. It never ceases to amaze me how far you've come in the time I've known you.

Much love,
bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

[heidu]

Maybe your mom has seen such an improvement in you that she figures whatever your doing is the right thing so she follows. You really have grown and achieved alot Zen and she would be a fool not to notice :O)
Heidu

There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living.
There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
Unknown

[Zenobia]

Thanks everyone for your wonderful words. Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I think you are all right. I am being a little suspicious about the whole thing because I am so used to the co-dependent nature of our relationship. I do believe there is co-dependence involved but I can use what I learned to disentangle myself from her in the first place to keep from being drawn back into that cycle. It is a tight rope walk but I have learned to walk that rope well besides there is a net underneath made up of you all, my T and my husband. I can do this if I just try to be positive and open.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson