[*doodles*]

So I had gone a LONG time without SI and lately the habit has been back full force The thing is, it is usually triggered from therapy. The first time I did it was immediately after a T session, same with the 2nd time. Now it's just becoming a habit again, although it has been almost a week. Is this normal, or a sign that therapy is clearly not working?! I have not told T, but have hinted...which is probably why she is beginning to think I need more than what she can give me. I don't know what to do though. I feel like therapy isn't really doing much. Like I feel better in that 45 minutes, but then I get home and realize nothing is really different which makes me feel hopeless and I just need to cut. Ugh :/

[agma]

I have injured after therapy appointments as well. I know for me, each time was because during therapy I talked about something that was very hard for me. When I leave, I am still upset. I try to let my T know the next time that I see her that I was very upset when I left after the last session. Several years ago, when I started in treatment, I was told that it is normal for people to get worse before they get better. How long have you been in therapy? Do you feel comfortable with your therapist? Could you talk to her about your questioning whether or not you need to be in therapy?

[SoupDragon]

I hadn't SI for many many years and it came back soon after starting therapy. My T eventually found out that I was. We don't speak about it, although very occasionally I will be asked if I am, if it's got better or worse. I know how hard it is to share things - but I do thing it is worth highlighting as then your T may know to just go a little slower, or to explore ways of supporting you. So I don't think it is necessarily because therapy isn't working, but maybe because it is? It's touching the raw stuff. Take care.

[suzzie]

t can be a trigger for me too. and sometimes the homework is too. i agree that you should consider letting your t know about it.

[*doodles*]

I've been in therapy for about 8 months..I for sure need therapy..but it seems like if I am getting worse, it wasn't working. But its a good point that maybe that means it IS working...

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by doodle3609

So I had gone a LONG time without SI and lately the habit has been back full force The thing is, it is usually triggered from therapy. The first time I did it was immediately after a T session, same with the 2nd time. Now it's just becoming a habit again, although it has been almost a week. Is this normal, or a sign that therapy is clearly not working?! I have not told T, but have hinted...which is probably why she is beginning to think I need more than what she can give me. I don't know what to do though. I feel like therapy isn't really doing much. Like I feel better in that 45 minutes, but then I get home and realize nothing is really different which makes me feel hopeless and I just need to cut. Ugh :/

Wanting to SI after therapy sometimes is pretty normal. We SI to deal with emotional stuff (and other stuff) and therapy brings that stuff up to deal with it but it can be a very big trigger.

Hinting at it to your T won't help. You need to be bluntly honest, otherwise they're not fully able to help. Maybe she can't help you, but maybe she can. If she can't, I'd assume she'd find a therapist that could help you.

Therapy isn't a quick fix by any means. It can take years to deal with stuff. You need to do work outside of the session as well, 45 min a week or less than that won't help much unfortunately.

Originally Posted by doodle3609

I've been in therapy for about 8 months..I for sure need therapy..but it seems like if I am getting worse, it wasn't working. But its a good point that maybe that means it IS working...

What type of therapy is it? Maybe you need a different type - like DBT or CBT maybe? Maybe you have external stressors that you're not aware of as well, so it's not the therapy that's causing the problems?

[zbmom]

My therapist told me that it is just a tool. It's not the best or most effective one but there is no shame in using the tools you have to take care of yourself. She has been teaching me better tools to deal with my pain and emotions. I'm learning that I'm afraid to let myself feel anger or pain and that the need to cut comes from trying to control and hold in these things. I've started writing how I feel, going for walks, locking myself in the bathroom, getting in the tub and crying, all of those things. At first there was a wall and it didn't seem to be helping that much but now it is. I haven't cut in a week and I don't have any desire to do it. I don't think about it at all. I'm sure there will be times when I'll continue to struggle (as I've off and on SI'd for about 11 years) but I have better tools now.

She said after therapy to ask myself "What am I feeling?", "Why am I feeling this way?", "What do I think will make it better?", "What will cutting fix?", "How will I feel after I do it?". Just asking myself the questions and allowing myself to feel my emotions and process them makes the urge to hurt myself start to dwindle.