[oudeis]

Last night, even though I've been trying not to, I cut myself again. I took a dry erase marker to the full-length mirror in my room and started writing down all the things I hated about myself and ran out of room. I then laid down and tried to sleep, and ended up lying awake for a few hours, frightened by my own thoughts.

I only have one friend that I still talk to regularly, and I typically try to cheer him up if he's upset. Today I tried to turn to him, and he simply said "Sorry, I don't know what to tell you, I'm bad with emotions". And I felt so alone when he said that, and scared that if I try to seek comfort somewhere else I'll get a similar reply.

I'm not looking for pity, I just needed to get this out. Sometimes the thoughts in my head scare me, and my mood swings seem to be worse and longer now when I'm in my depressive state. I don't even know if I'm posting this in the right area, or if I should put it in somewhere else, like Coping With Emotions or Depression, I can't stop second-guessing myself even on something that trivial.

[puzzclar]

No, this is the right place to post this. I know for a fact that if your list of things you hate about yourself, is that long. There has to be a different way of thinking about things.

One of the things you should second-guess yourself on is that list. Try to come up with ONE good thing about yourself. It sounds like you have low self-esteem. I would try to increase that first, it could help.

If your friend wont help then, come on here, one of us can help you to deal with what you need. Just come here, and yes I needed to read this, to offer any help that I could.

Life is worth living, and yes, Life is hard, but it can be lived.

[protector1973]

hi, hope u feel better now, its only an idea but try writing down all negative thoughts on paper then just go outside and burn the paper, visualize feelings fading into those flames, find another way to get rid of feelings in positive ways. take up running. pound streets chase demons off.goodluck

[oudeis]

Thank you for your support, I wasn't expecting any, and it helps.

[Yoda]

Are you feeling any better today?

It's a shame that your friend takes help but cannot give it. You can find people here at PC to listen.

[oudeis]

Sadly, no. Today my sister broke up with her boyfriend, who also happens to be a close friend of mine. I ended up comforting both of them, and even when I hugged my sister she didn't hug me back. I was strangely upset about it. And then I was left home, alone, with no one to talk to for the rest of the day. Yay for Pity Parties?

[Yoda]

Any excuse for a party will do, even if we have to make it a pity party. I'm in.

[oudeis]

I already had my Pity Party, it involved a whole bag of popcorn with copious amounts of added butter, root beer and a VHS copy of the movie Anastasia.

[Yoda]

Popcorn, root beer and a good movie - yep, all essential parts of a good pity party.

I'm here for further pity parties, fun parties or just random chit chat when you're looking for some company.

[SoupDragon]

I too am used to looking after my family and friends, but don't get anything back. My T has said I need to learn to ask for what I need as an alternative to SI - yeah right and how exactly do I know what that is and how do I ask for it once I do know what it is and how will I feel if I spend all that time deciphering my needs asking for them and then not getting them met - I'm with you with the pity party I think. Take care

[oudeis]

I try to avoid Pity Parties usually, for a few reasons. The main one being that it means I'm alone, and things are always at their worst when I'm alone. Secondly because I feel like I'm just looking for attention when I say I'm having a Pity Party, and like I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself.