Hurting

I've cut twice in the last 3 days and i feel so bad and ashamed of myself. I reluctantly talked about it in t. I dont like to talk about it because it makes my behaviour and inablity to cope with my feelings appropriately more shaming.
But today my T asked me if i was hurting and i just wanted to cry but i didnt because i find it difficult to release my emotions and especially in front of people.
I wanted to scream and yell and cry that "yes i am hurting; physically, mentally and emotionally! Please help me and take care of me coz i cant do it for myself right now!"
I think i am just venting here but if anyone wants to talk to me i know i would feel better

It's good that you can vent somewhere. Has something happened to make you hurt so much recently?

Sorry you are hurting so much. I don't have any advice, but I do completely relate. I have an extremely hard time expressing my emotions to anyone, including my T and husband. I have been in therapy for 4 years, and I have only cried during two sessions. Hang in there, things will get better.

Hey SillyStrings1,

How are you feeling now?

Hi Miss Laura
Thanks for asking. I am feeling kind of numb today. I've tried to write stuff down and this helps me get some of the frustration out but i feel so alone with tryin to cope. I dont like to ask people for help and support and i think thats why i find posting here so helpful.
I'm trying to talk in therapy and i have a session again tomorrow so will try and open up a bit more. My t and i both agree that my all or nothing approach to life means that i will probably just stop at some point but at the moment i cant see a way out or a desire to stop. It gives me relief at my lowest point and stops me from killing myself so in a strange way its actually a positive thing in some respects right now. But knowing that doesnt stop the shame and guilt of it all.

Hey SillyString1,

I am glad you have written things down and can kinda express yourself at the moment. It is also really good that your seeing your T tomorrow. I hope you find some peace talking to us and your T.... keep posting we will answer

hope it helps going to see your t sillystring

i'm struggling too much today. images of cutting keep invading my thoughts. but i'm resisting right now and coming on here to write it out. i have t later on. maybe that will help. thanks for listening

Yes those mental images are horrid to have - good that you have T later, hope it does help you - I always feel better when I am with T - let us know how you are over the weekend. SD

Hi SS, I'm glad that you are talking to your T about your SI. Sounds like you are working really hard to get better! What you wrote up there ^ sounds like really good stuff to work on in T.

How did your last session go?