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Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:36 PM
Sillystring1 Sillystring1 is offline
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I've cut twice in the last 3 days and i feel so bad and ashamed of myself. I reluctantly talked about it in t. I dont like to talk about it because it makes my behaviour and inablity to cope with my feelings appropriately more shaming.
But today my T asked me if i was hurting and i just wanted to cry but i didnt because i find it difficult to release my emotions and especially in front of people.
I wanted to scream and yell and cry that "yes i am hurting; physically, mentally and emotionally! Please help me and take care of me coz i cant do it for myself right now!"
I think i am just venting here but if anyone wants to talk to me i know i would feel better

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  #2  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:41 PM
confuseduk confuseduk is offline
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It's good that you can vent somewhere. Has something happened to make you hurt so much recently?
  #3  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 03:45 PM
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agma agma is offline
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Sorry you are hurting so much. I don't have any advice, but I do completely relate. I have an extremely hard time expressing my emotions to anyone, including my T and husband. I have been in therapy for 4 years, and I have only cried during two sessions. Hang in there, things will get better.
  #4  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 04:21 PM
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Miss Laura Miss Laura is offline
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Hey SillyStrings1,

How are you feeling now?
  #5  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 04:33 PM
Sillystring1 Sillystring1 is offline
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Hi Miss Laura
Thanks for asking. I am feeling kind of numb today. I've tried to write stuff down and this helps me get some of the frustration out but i feel so alone with tryin to cope. I dont like to ask people for help and support and i think thats why i find posting here so helpful.
I'm trying to talk in therapy and i have a session again tomorrow so will try and open up a bit more. My t and i both agree that my all or nothing approach to life means that i will probably just stop at some point but at the moment i cant see a way out or a desire to stop. It gives me relief at my lowest point and stops me from killing myself so in a strange way its actually a positive thing in some respects right now. But knowing that doesnt stop the shame and guilt of it all.
  #6  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 05:03 PM
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Miss Laura Miss Laura is offline
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Hey SillyString1,

I am glad you have written things down and can kinda express yourself at the moment. It is also really good that your seeing your T tomorrow. I hope you find some peace talking to us and your T.... keep posting we will answer
  #7  
Old Aug 12, 2011, 10:25 PM
confuseduk confuseduk is offline
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hope it helps going to see your t sillystring
  #8  
Old Aug 13, 2011, 08:24 AM
Sillystring1 Sillystring1 is offline
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i'm struggling too much today. images of cutting keep invading my thoughts. but i'm resisting right now and coming on here to write it out. i have t later on. maybe that will help. thanks for listening
  #9  
Old Aug 13, 2011, 09:40 AM
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SoupDragon SoupDragon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillystring1 View Post
i'm struggling too much today. images of cutting keep invading my thoughts. but i'm resisting right now and coming on here to write it out. i have t later on. maybe that will help. thanks for listening
Yes those mental images are horrid to have - good that you have T later, hope it does help you - I always feel better when I am with T - let us know how you are over the weekend. SD
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  #10  
Old Aug 15, 2011, 09:58 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillystring1 View Post
But today my T asked me if i was hurting and i just wanted to cry but i didnt because i find it difficult to release my emotions and especially in front of people.
I wanted to scream and yell and cry that "yes i am hurting; physically, mentally and emotionally! Please help me and take care of me coz i cant do it for myself right now!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sillystring1 View Post
i feel so alone with tryin to cope. I dont like to ask people for help and support

I'm trying to talk in therapy and i have a session again tomorrow so will try and open up a bit more.
Hi SS, I'm glad that you are talking to your T about your SI. Sounds like you are working really hard to get better! What you wrote up there ^ sounds like really good stuff to work on in T.

How did your last session go?
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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