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#1
Aug 11, 2011, 06:32 AM
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WhenI was a teenager I used to cut. I cut my upper arms and shoulders, still have the scars. I used to look at those scars as beautiful, because I felt like they stood for something. Like, they stood for something I was able to overcome, part of my journey.
Now I feel it creeping in again. It's been 12 years since I've cut, with one screw up about 6 years ago. I thought I was over this. It's like everything sucks right now. I used to turn to this to get everything that's inside, out. And now I can't. Why? Because for the last five years I have been in a relationship with a man that is "not able to comprehend" human emotions. "Not capable" of feeling things beyond skin deep. And I, ironically, have been blessed with feeling things more than most. So I can't cut, because he wouldn't understand it. He would get mad, we would fight. I can't even handle that right now. So I'm just not going to. How likely is it for clinical depression to manifest into something much worse? This is what I started out with. I stopped cutting, so now I don't eat, and I think terrible things about myself. It's like I have this need to self destruct, and it's exhausting. |
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#2
Aug 11, 2011, 10:43 AM
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SI and eating disorders are both addictions. People have addictions to cope when they can't deal with their emotions. Are you in therapy?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Aug 11, 2011, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
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#4
Aug 12, 2011, 08:46 AM
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How about government funded therapy? Can you contact United Way?
Do you think that sometimes "being stronger" can mean fighting yourself? If so maybe being more compassionate toward yourself might work better?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Aug 13, 2011, 06:59 AM
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I should look into it. You know what the worst part is? I HATE feeling like this, but it's almost like I don't want to change it or make it stop...it's been so long, that I really have gotten used to it, to an extent. I get freaked out about letting people (therapists) in, I don't want them looking at me, and taking notes on everything that's wrong with me... and drugs scare the hell out of me. I just need to do it.
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#6
Aug 14, 2011, 11:06 PM
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You're not the only one who feels this way.....
__________________
Bipolar Disorder I, PTSD, GAD When it is darkest, we can see the stars. –Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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#7
Aug 15, 2011, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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