It never fails..

I just don't get it I was perfectly fine earlier and then I started remembering the feelings of before and ...It just never fails I want to just go out of my house and wander...wander to the end of the world. I am ashamed of cutting I just want it to go away. I get so upset sometimes that I just get mad at myself for not bleeding more. It always happens around 2am I start feeling like crap...And I just don't know what to do with myself. I hide it perfectly why can't I hide it from
myself? I feel like this every morning It the most weird feeling and I just try my best to ignore it but..it doesn't work. I seriously just want someone to tell me it's okay I want to know.... is it really okay?

**I wrote this yesterday in the wrong forum :S I'm new here So I'm still figuring this all out.**

Hi Katix 3 - there are many of us on here who use SI to help us cope with our feelings. It releases endorphins which immediately make us feel better....but then the guilt sets in doesn't it?

You say yoru T has moved away - can you get another one as I think it can be a useful place to explore our feelings and learn other ways to cope with them.

Could you also talk to your mum, or a teacher at school? A friends mum?

Keep safe and welcome to PC - this is a great place to be and I hope you like it here.

I don't have any friends I just moved :S In my old school I did but everyone stopped talking to me...my mom is no because if I tell her she will tell the whole family her friends about my situation and I don't feel comfortable with that. I will probably talk to someone when I go to school I just don't want my mom to know at all....Thank you so much for your support I truly appreciate it ^_^

I hope you are able to find someone at school you trust to share things with - I know it is hard to be open about things, but sounds like you are haviing a tough time and could do with some support. Of course you can talk to us here as well - let us know how you are doing. Soup.

Thanks I try to post twice a day so relax more and it helps knowing I'm not alone.

Hi Katy
Please don't beat yourself up over this. It needs looking in to but isn't the end of the world. You can talk to us anytime you need to. I wonder if there's a clinic or something near you, so you can talk to somebody w/o your mom knowing. I've been in your shoes with the cutting;the difference was I never felt bad because of it. Others made me feel like a total loser if they found out but I hid it well.
I really hope you can hook up with some caring people once school starts. In the meantime, we're here!

Thanks I hope someone will be there for me in school also. ^.^

Hi Kati, I just read your profile and you wrote that you are afraid of getting bullied when you start school and that you have low self esteem. I teach a bully program as a volunteer at some schools (I am a social worker) and what I have found is that the low self worth does make you a target for bullying. I have worked with kids, however, and they went from being bullied to not being bullied at all. What I taught them is that yes, they may be overweight or have big ears or whatever but they are still okay anyway. When they really get this message someone can TRY to tease them about their weight or their ears but it doesn't bother them anymore and the teasing STOPS. (The bullies continue when you give them the reaction that they are seeking. If the teasing doesn't bother you they leave you alone). Please consider letting me help you if needed okay?