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#1
Aug 31, 2011, 03:38 AM
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It's 3:30 am, i have not gotten any sleep yet. I just want a little bit of sleep.
I am having major anxiety about seeing my new pdoc today. I feel like it's not even worth wasting my time to go since my last pdoc told me there was nothing else they could do for me.  I don't know if it's the anxiety or another thing entirely, but i feel like i have electricity running through my arms and legs, which is just making me more anxious. I really just want to cut. I want everything to just go away. I can't keep doing this, night after night. |
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#2
Aug 31, 2011, 12:12 PM
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 Let me know how your appt. goes. Do you want a pocket rider? I'll go!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Aug 31, 2011, 12:20 PM
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Sure, you can come with me
 I leave in 15 minutes.. super anxious now. I got no sleep last night, and am now shaking either from lack of sleep, anxiety, or both. And I get to go sit for an hour with this new person. This is my 3rd pdoc in less than a year at this office, they have electronic records. I feel like just telling him to read the records and let me know what his plan is once he's read everything! |
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#4
Aug 31, 2011, 12:39 PM
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I'm with you! It's okay to be anxious.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#5
Aug 31, 2011, 02:16 PM
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I hope everything went well.
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#6
Aug 31, 2011, 09:28 PM
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It went SO good!! The pdoc i saw specializes in sleep and told me there are a ton of options i haven't tried yet. We're going to work on sleep and see how that affects the depression before we change anything for the depression.
I atually have HOPE!!! |
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#7
Sep 01, 2011, 10:42 AM
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Great news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Sep 01, 2011, 11:05 AM
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And now I am back to sitting here wanting to cry and go back to bed
 What is wrong with me???? |
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#9
Sep 01, 2011, 11:19 AM
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You think that one good session is going to solve all of your issues? You still have your issues that you need to work through and they are still going to come up. Enjoy your good moments and expect your issues to bother you until you work through them.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#10
Sep 01, 2011, 01:49 PM
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I know 1 session isn't going to fix everything. I never said it would. Just didn't expect quite as much of a drop from yesterday to today.
I cut earlier today again. The despair was overwhelming. Suicidal thoughts were worse than they have been in months. Really trying to keep functioning Last edited by nicoleb2; Sep 01, 2011 at 02:04 PM. |
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#11
Sep 01, 2011, 03:21 PM
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Do you need to call your therapist?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Sep 01, 2011, 07:42 PM
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Can't. She's on vacation. I'm still functioning, so I'll just keep on...
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#13
Sep 01, 2011, 11:16 PM
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I am again at the point that I don't know what to do. I just feel so awful. I feel like staying in bed all day. Crawling in a hole never to return...
I've cut so much in the past week or so. That should have been enough. Now I want to do it in different areas. I want to carve the word stupid failure into my flesh somewhere |
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#14
Sep 02, 2011, 10:20 AM
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Please be careful! When does your T return? You are not a failure you are just having a hard time. Please have compassion for yourself.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#15
Sep 02, 2011, 06:49 PM
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My T gets back on tuesday. I have an appointment then.
I am doing better so far today. I went to the state fair with my family, and might be going again in a bit. It's been nice to have a good day again |
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#16
Sep 04, 2011, 10:31 PM
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Good, staying busy, helps the most.
Good Luck
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#17
Sep 04, 2011, 10:49 PM
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Hi...my wife is borderline personality and years ago she was cutting herself for a few months and stopped after being in the hosp for a few days. I am a retired Psych Nurse and could never understand why people cut themselves. Do you think you could help me understand cutting?
__________________
You are not drunk unless you have to hang on while lying on the floor. |
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#18
Sep 04, 2011, 11:36 PM
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Quote:
I cut when I can't handle the emotions anymore. I cut when I am numb, to know that I am alive. I cut because the physical pain is easier to deal with than the emotional pain. I cut to feel like I am in control of something in my life There are so many reasons and so many times that I cut, but those I listed are some of them. Perhaps others here who cut can add more to the list. |
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#19
Sep 05, 2011, 11:57 AM
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nicoleb2, with this in mind, you could start to work on these issues in therapy, and you don't have to tell her specifically that you cut, but it could help the T in understanding. These are common reasons, but the real reason could be hidden, (could be, or not I don't know) But for now, maybe exercise could help.
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#20
Sep 06, 2011, 08:58 AM
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Another good day! You are having more of them Nicole. They will increase and the bad ones will decrease as you continue to get better!
Popeye, the pain releases endorphins which improve the mood. SI is an addiction like all the others (and which also release endorphins to improve mood). People use addictions to feel better when they feel so bad.
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
 mistyeyed
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