I want out

I'm a mess! My T doesn't seem to get me eventhough I've been going to him for a few years. Things are just getting worse and I don't know what to do or where to turn

Is he not getting you because you are withdrawn?

I've always had a hard time talking. I push myself to tell him things. Sometimes I tell him what really hires me and I don't think he takes it seriously, he kumps around.
Yes I guess I am withdrawn but isn't he supposed to be understanding and supportive? Otherwise why am I waiting my time and money? I end up going home crying I can Hurt myself, don't need him to

You are making him too responsible for you. It is your job to come forward.

How do I do that? I obviously don't know how

You have to work on the reasons with your T on why you are withdrawn.

I don't have that kind of relationship with him, doubt this will ever happen. I might as well throw in the towel and tell him that he's fired. I've tried everything that he and the pdoc wanted execpt hospitalization-this is too much for me. It's just easier to disapear.

Can having that type of relationship with your T be a goal? Why do you fight the route of therapy so much? It isn't easy for too many people but they push on anyway.

I've been fighting for sometime now. I don't have any fight left in me. I'm tired of hurting and I don't want to feel this way anymore!! It hurts too much. I'm starting to consider hospitalization more seriously but, so long as it can be on terms that I'm ok with. I can't deal with the thought of not having a say in my treatment or freedom-I didn't commit any crime, I'm just depressed.

You do have every right to be in on the decisions of your treatment. Has this been working for you with your treatment providers? Have you been communicating this to them?

Believe it or not I am really trying. I texted my t that I am thinking about hospitalization. I told that I was still scared. He said he'd do anything he could to help. This made me feel a little better.
I really am terrified.

Good work River.

I met with my pdoc today, it didn't go very well. I really am trying the best that I can but it's not good enough for him. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want it to stop I can't take this anymore!

What happened at the appt.?

First he tells me I'm late when he got the timing wrong! Blames me for that and I still have to pay for the full time...them he tells me that I'm not doing enough to get better. He never even gave me the chance to tell him that I wa considering hospitalization. I told him that I went to store over the weekend-but that want good enough. When I left all I wanted to do was shoot myself in the head-to bad I don't have a gun.
To top off everything, I had to deal with a very difficult situation at work whic was very upsetting.

So he isn't a very warm pdoc? He is your only option for a pdoc? (I have probably asked you this before). Did you tell him that he got the time wrong? Did you ask why you have to pay for a full session?

Do you want to talk about what happened at work?

He used to seem caring - guess not anymore. Of course there are always other choices, my T found him because he takes my insurance and does have a good reputation and background. I told him he was wrong about the time - still told me I was late and that it wasn't like me...go figure! I have too many problems with the billing department if I don't pay - I have told him that it's not fair!

Work...
Someone came in, (she's not well-think she might have had some kind of break down when she was younger, she's in her 50's now), she said her father feel and was bleeding-thinks he's dead. I called an ambulance, then walked to her apartment, 2 blocks away - my boss told me that if i felt i needed to go, go. We waited outside for the EMT's to arrive, he was DOA. I stayed with her till everything was sorted out, as I said she isn't well. It was a very trying day, epecially seeing someone dead on the floor. I wanted to talk to the Pdoc and he didn't even give me a chance. I was even going to tell him that I was considering hospitalization - not a chance.

Sorry about the work situation . If your pdoc doesn't let you talk he doesn't sound like a good pdoc.

I agree, think this pdoc is a dud

((((Sannah))) do what You need to stay safe. You dont have to rely on pdoc. You can call your T or go to er if you need immediate
care. Even people without issues can need help dealing with situations like what happened with you at work. Sending you gentle hugs if that's ok, and sending your pdoc a giant rasberry.

It's hard for me to start talking. It's hard but I was going to tell him that I was open to the hospital, instead I told my t and he's been in touch with the pdoc. At this point I guess it's better for them to talk about what I should do.

Does your T see that your pdoc isn't giving you a chance to talk?

I've been having my t call the pdoc. Yes, i did tell him that i wasn't given the chance.

My mother died a month ago and I'm a mess. I was going to go to the hospital but now I have to deal with everything. I don't know what to do! I miss my mom but I need help. If I don't work I have no insurance. What do I do?

I'm sorry about your loss. Can you take a medical leave from work?