I just want to make it go away

Every night for who knows how long now, I get horrible anxiety. Today has been awful. 1:40am and I am still not sleeping!

I know that cutting will make the anxiety go away, at least long enough for me to get some sleep. I really want to cut because I really want to sleep.

I am so sick of insomnia and my pdoc has not called me back about med issues.

I just want to sleep! I don't know what else to do! I'm so tired, but when I lay down, I am wide awake. The only thing that helps me sleep is to cut!

I think it's time to exercise in the afternoon. It does help people sleep.

I usually exercise in the afternoon. Just walking right now because of pain from the car accident I was in a month ago.
Even when I have gotten more exercise (when i was in less pain), i still didn't sleep

Dang it. I was sure hoping it would help.... Have you tried any breathing exercises or so meditation?

I write things and put them in a worry box, then I shower, then read, listen to relaxation cd, then should be able to sleep, but then the anxiety is still so bad that I can't handle being in bed. Urges get so much worse if I stay in bed anxious...

I have takena meditation class, so I use those breathing techniques as well./

Talking to your T about this anxiety would help I would think.

I have several things i need to talk to my t about. i just need to figure out how. The anxiety is the least of my worries. I also need to talk to her about something i did 4 years ago that I deeply regret, but thought it was the only option at that time. Have not been able to tell her

Have you at least accepted what happened 4 years ago? That could help in telling t.

No, I haven't really accepted it. It was a choice I made, and at the time, I really felt it was the only option that I had. I really, really regret it now though, and I think about it every day, and I don't know how to get past it.

It's a common theme for me. I can't get past losses. My T says that I need to accept the losses and stop wishing for what could have been. I just don't know how to get myself to the point of acceptance, for any of the losses in my life.

Acceptance is so important. Without acceptance you are left in limbo with no resolution. Maybe you are trying to avoid pain by not accepting things?

Something that helps me when I'm craving really bad is wrapping my wrist in an athletic type brace (similar to the wraps used for underneath boxing gloves ect.) it helps make it a little easier to resist the temptation, especially when I'm really desperate for sleep. Other times, especially in college, I would let my roommate know how badly I was craving so she could keep an eye out on me. The accountability really helped.

Sannah is right, If you cannot accept the past, then it will be nearly impossible to move forward from it, If we can't accept that what happened in the past, how can we accept what will happen in the future? you are stuck in a world without any certainty and stuck in the past, if we ever want to improve how we feel, we need to accept, and move forward.
I know this is much easier said then done, but I know you are strong, and I know you can do it.
((((((((((((((((((nicole)))))))))))))))) I wish you much fortune and hope you will feel better

I'm working on accepting the past, and the future quite honestly. I am really struggling with a lot of grief. A lot of grief that I have pushed away for a very long time. A lot of uncertainty and worry and anger and feeling abandoned (Though I really wasn't. My parents didn't choose to die). Trying to accept the fact that my dad chose not to get a lung transplant to save my siblings and I from a lifetime of worry and taking care of him...

So much work to do with all of this. I am really, really trying. Some days are super hard though. Today is one of those days...

It's hard but worth the effort.