Bit of a relapse...

***** trigger trigger trigger trigger trigger****



I've been cutting sporadically over the last couple weeks or so, resorting to it again to cope with my emotions. I've had a couple of bad nights over the weekend, and have about a dozen or so fresh cuts. I don't cut very deep anymore, and I don't think they'll be deep enough to scar... which... brings me to something else I did tonight. I had a few deeper cuts that scarred quite badly and that I don't think would have faded. Tonight I was having a bath and had candles burning, and impulsively I held some metal tweezers in the flame, then burned my arm with them over some of my scars. I guess in an attempt to make them into something I might be able to pass off as some kind of cooking accident... not sure that's going to work. It hurt like hell, went white, and it's all blistered now. Maybe I just made it worse. Also, I'm kind of worried about the fact that I could give myself a pretty serious burn like this... it just seems so extreme to me now that I actually think about it.

Will probably have to update T again. Ugh, the shame...

(((((just_some_girl)))))

Sending you hugs and positive vibes! I hope that talking to your T about this will be helpful for you.

First off I'm embarrassed that I'm posting on this forum to say that I have started cutting. I find that for me it is a way to numb out.

People do it for different reasons, I think I do it mostly to try and 'externalise' the pain, make it 'easier' to deal with.. I would say if this is something you just started, try to control it if you can, try not to cut so deep it will scar - you'll regret it later. It goes without saying to stop if you are able, but I know it's hard, obviously... Do you see a therapist, or is there anyone you can talk to about it? Keep posting

My arm is still blistered, I can't believe how quick and easy it was to cause such damage. I've scared myself. Hoping my self harm ends here, I don't want to do this to myself anymore. Time to stop.

Yah, the scars sometimes suck if u regret them, I cut "hate" into me and it sucks if ppl notice and ask why are their words in your skin

I thought I could stop. After I burned myself I thought that was it, I was going to draw a line under this negative behavior and finally move on... but I haven't been able to. I've been having a really bad week, and my arm is now a total mess. The burn has almost healed, thank goodness, although it has scarred to a degree, and I have a bunch more cuts... and a couple more minor burns. What was I thinking? I just feel so desperate right now, I'm doing anything I can to try and 'help' myself to cope. I guess I'm falling back on what I know. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

Hugs thoughts and prayers to you. Wish I didn't know how you feel, but I do (insert sobbing here).