[popeye]

My wife is has BPD and used to cut but could never tell my why. I am a Psych Nurse and still don't get it. Can someone here explain this to me. I want to understand. I worked with very few cutters in my practice. I always thought it was just to get attention but know it must be much more than that.

When I used to cut, it was to mask any emotional issues I was going through. My mindset was "I'd rather feel physical pain than emotional pain". So I'd cut myself and focus solely on that. It was an extremely temporary solution, and only made me feel worse afterwards. I am very glad I've stopped cutting.

[kaliope]

It is great that you want to understand. It can be difficult to explain. Attention getting is not it as many cutters are embarrassed and hide what they do. If it was for attention, why would they hide it. I havent cut for a couple years now, but it still enters my thoughts on a weekly basis. For me, I was hurting so bad on the inside, I did not know why. Cutting gave me a way to externalize the pain. I could see why I was hurting, have an explanation for it. Other times, self harm had to do with abuse from childhood. I felt that I needed to be punished and since my abuser was no longer around I had to recreate the abuse myself. Additionally, I dissociated a lot. As a way to bring myself back from a dissociative state, I would cut. Cutting was a compulsion, it brought comfort. There was the whole aspect of caretaking/nurturing after cutting. I would be very kind to myself. Carefully cleaning myself up, bandaging my wounds, taking myself to bed, cradling my arm, rocking myself to sleep while whispering loving caring words like a loving mother would to an injured child. I had so much compassion for myself after cutting.

I hope this helps. And again, thank you for going out of your way to try and understand this matter. PM me if you have any questions.

[ariatboot]

I agree that it is hard to explain but it is definitely not for attention. For me I have always had a hard time expressing my emotions. I hurt so much on the inside that when I cut its like I can see and feel all that pain leave my body and then I feel better. Of course this only works for a short amount of time until the cut heals (and lately I have started picking at wounds and not letting them heal) I dont know if that makes sense, its complicated.

[nicoleb2]

For me, physical pain is far easier to deal with than emotional. It eases the anxiety I often feel. It is something I have control over. When I cut, I know I am alive.

Definitely not about getting attention. I cut now only in areas that can't be seen by anyone other than maybe a doctor

[kasva]

i've cut for almost all of the above reasons except not for the self caring afterwords.another reason i have cut was to feel numb. most the time i felt very little physical pain but the emotional pain would go away too.i think its great that you are trying to understand this.....take care.....kasva

I hurt myself because it gets rid of the emotional pain.

[Aardwolf]

I'd never be able to describe it to someone else. Its one of those experiences that is very, very difficult to put into words. I do it to stop emotional pain, to "feel" something when I feel numb. A variety of reasons.
Cutting is another way for me to take control from those who once took everything from me.

I don't do it for attention because I tend to cut where nobody can see, I do it to release my emotions and even when I get angry at times.

Originally Posted by Buttercup.

I don't do it for attention because I tend to cut where nobody can see, I do it to release my emotions and even when I get angry at times.

I hurt myself because I was very angry too. The only way to get rid of it was to hurt myself.

[LoneWolfie]

Right now I am cutting because it is the only control I have right now with everything going on.

I never cut for attention and opposite to the poster that talked about caring for the wound I am the total opposite. I cut and just leave it and do nothing.

Some of the other posters mentioned some of the things I can certainly relate too as that is how I felt.

Sometimes it was because:
I do it to stop emotional pain, to "feel" something when I feel numb.

I hurt so much on the inside that when I cut I see the blood and know that I am living.

Cutting gave me a way to externalize the pain. I could see why I was hurting.

[popeye]

Thankyou for the information. It does make sense to me now.

[dismantle.repair]

Might be a bit late...
But I do it when I'm angry.. rather take my temper out on me than anyone else...
...
I do it when I'm overwhelmed with sadness, because it drowns out the sadness with pain...
I do it when I'm numb, because it reminds me I can still feel... I'm still human.

[Monochromexx]

I had cut myself for various reasons, though I find other ways to self harm without leaving permenant marks. I still get the pain I needed to feel, but I don't have to hide the marks as carefully.
When I was younger (like as early as preschool), I self-harmed did it because I was bored. I entertained myself by taking something sharp and using it to draw on myself. I did it so often that other people got freaked out when I asked them if I could "draw" on them when I ran out of space. They told me it stung, and it took me a while to figure out I was hurting them, hehe... But I was apathetic and numb as a little kid so that might be another reason to why I did that...
Then I started doing it because I wanted to take my anger out, but I didn't want to hurt anyone else, but just simply punching a pillow wouldn't suffice. I also cut when I'm sad, like most people who self-harm, I did it so I could focus on the physical pain rather than the emotional.
Also, when I get mad, I always get these violent thoughts, and I harm myself so I could focus on my own pain rather than acting out on those thoughts and hurt someone else instead.
Now, I mostly self-harm to punish myself when I know I did something bad, like lied, or broke a rule, to take away the bad karma. As silly as it sounds, it worked. I started to notice that everytime I did something bad, something bad would happen to me (like I wouild break a nail, or have some argument with my parents over something random later on). So I tried hitting/cutting myself, and nothing happened.
Well, those are my reasons, though I don't think the last one made much sense. I don't cut as often now, just the occasional head-banging and punching when I get really irritated.

[Lauru]

I hurt myself when I hated myself so much, I just had to destroy myself. It was what I deserved. It also gave me satisfaction to see myself hurting myself, it gave me a sense of control. I hurt myself before anyone else could hurt me.

[Indie'sOK]

It's not for attention...but being in high school many of my peers think they're so smart when they claim that's why we do it. I hate that.

Like many, I did (do?) it as a release. Often when someone talks about me to my face or behind my back, whatever the reason, it's the first thing that enters my mind. I guess I want to feel in control of the pain - I want to hurt myself instead of allowing them to hurt me.