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  #26  
Old Dec 04, 2011, 12:19 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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I cut this morning (it was way early, like 1:30 or 2 or something).

I felt stupid about it for a while, and still do, but I want to do it again.

I had to go to 2 cemetaries to put stuff on the graves of my mom, my dad, and my grandparents. Now I just want to forget it all and make it go away.

I wish I couls just fall asleep so I wouldn't have to think about it, but sleep seems to be an impossibility right now

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  #27  
Old Dec 04, 2011, 12:38 AM
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Sanada Sanada is offline
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Get some rest nicole. Sleep is really good for helping us focus and think clearly.
Its hard I know to sleep when the mind and body wont allow.

Lay down, take deep breaths and relax, sleep should 'naturaly' follow.

((nincole)).
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The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement .
But the opposite of profound truth maybe another profound truth.

(Niels Bohr) Nobel Prize Winner for Physics.


The universe started with an 'E'.
The universe will end with a 'K'.

(lyrics Acid House)

Its the truth even if it did not happen.
(Ken Kesey) One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Real science can be far stranger than science fiction and much more satisfying.
  #28  
Old Dec 04, 2011, 12:44 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanada View Post
Get some rest nicole. Sleep is really good for helping us focus and think clearly.
Its hard I know to sleep when the mind and body wont allow.

Lay down, take deep breaths and relax, sleep should 'naturaly' follow.

((nincole)).
Sleep doesn't naturally follow though. Sleep never naturally follows for me, until I've not slept, or gotten very, very little sleep for a week in a row.
  #29  
Old Dec 05, 2011, 02:51 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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Another rough day. Not looking forward to t tomorrow and admitting that I cut in two different places... that's going to suck
  #30  
Old Dec 05, 2011, 12:35 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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But you have some important work to do in T with talking to her about your fear of anger and working on your grief.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #31  
Old Dec 05, 2011, 11:07 PM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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Well,

I had my t appointment today. It was amazing. She apologized to me for the way she acted with me and said she was worried about me. She also pointed out that if she didn't care about me, she would not have gotten so upset., have a long long ways to go, but it was a start
We talked about a lot today
  #32  
Old Dec 06, 2011, 12:42 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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Ok, now I just figured out that I am going to be losing part of my medical insurance as of January 1st. I'm not going to be able to go to therapy when I need to and the meds I am on I am not going to be able to take.

What the hell am I going to do now???

I want to cut so bad right now, having some really bad suicidal thoughts... wish it wasn't too late to call my t!
  #33  
Old Dec 07, 2011, 01:27 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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So glad for your good session! Are you going to talk to T about this insurance news?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #34  
Old Dec 07, 2011, 04:01 PM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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I suppose I will have to. I can't just stop going. That would be bad news for me.
Thanks for this!
Sannah
  #35  
Old Dec 08, 2011, 02:00 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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Majorly stressing out tonight. I started on ritalin today, just a small dose I took it at about 2:00, but I swear it's still working I am wide awake and jittery I guess it could just be nerves too, but I want to cut, to feel something I have control over, to occupy my mind with something other than all of these scared thoughts my brain is going through
  #36  
Old Dec 09, 2011, 11:26 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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How are you doing Nicole?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #37  
Old Dec 09, 2011, 04:14 PM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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Doing ok so far today. Had a horrible headache from last night into today. Not sure if it was a migraine or from the ritalin, so I'm holding off on the ritalin till tomorrow so I can figure out what it really is and if the ritalin causes it again.

A lot of anxiety right now. My daughters science teacher called and wants to talk to me because she thinks my daughter misunderstood something today and my daughter was very upset.
With all that has been going on with my daughter at school, I am really worried
  #38  
Old Dec 09, 2011, 07:22 PM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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How did the conversation go with the teacher?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
  #39  
Old Dec 10, 2011, 01:42 AM
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nicoleb2 nicoleb2 is offline
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It really was just a misunderstanding, but I found out my daughter is doing very well in science, which is totally opposite of everything else that she does at school.

I continue to fight with the school to get accomodations my daughter needs.

I am really concerned about my daughter. I don't know what is going on with her, but she has really changed and I don't know if it is a medication issue or something else.

We see her therapist on Monday and I am going to talk to the therapist a little bit without my daughter in the room so the t gets a clear understanding of whats going on.

My daughter started sleepwalking last night. She came in and was sleeping in my bed, when I woke up, I got her up and told her she needed to be in her bed. She looked around totally confused and told me she had no idea how she got to my room.

I really want to know how to help her feel better, but I don't know what to do.

I went out tonight. Totally don't fit in with anyone, anywhere. Being numb was better than feeling like I do now. I want so badly to cut and make the feelings go away!
Hugs from:
Sannah
Thanks for this!
Sannah
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