Don't Want to Resist

I've been triggered really bad these last few days. Today seems worse than most. It's all I can think of really. I'd like to pick up that razor and start slicing my arms up. There's really nothing stopping me at all.

I'm not worth anything so who really would care? I'm bad and need it. I'm tainted. My arms are really aching right now and all I wanna do is cut. Sleep will never come with this feeling...I am all alone. Nobody will notice anyways. It's early in the morning so nobody will be around to stop me anyways.

I wrote about what's triggering me in the Survivor's of Abuse forum I think...yeah that's the one. About child abuse.

Yeah, I'm letting things get to me, but it's like they'll always be there anyways, just hidden from view. They'll never be fixed. I can't fix the past...the past will always be the same. The past is what bothers me the most.

Lexicon, I am so sad that you are hurting so much.
Please try to remain safe. If your urge to cut is still intense I ask you get out and go see someone or have someone come see you to keep busy and not focused on wanting to cut.
Sometimes I think the past will always be the demon that torments my soul. So I do understand on that point.
I care.

Lex I am sorry you have been hurting so badly and triggered so much. I hope you managed to stay safe. I can relate to what you said about the past, the way it comes to bite in the behind and causes so much pain and confusion.....

Ok, I didn't resist...I cut today...but for a different reason. I posted about it in the Relationships & Communication forum.

(((((((((((((( Lexicon )))))))))))))))

Im so sorry you feel that way...
your in my thoughts and prayers

Milly