[silver_queen]

Hadn't SIed in a week or so but began again the other day and it was so good to have the relief back again. It's been getting worse recently but I just wish I dared to go deeper. I know I will in time. I'm scared of hitting veins etc but I know I am hitting the fat layer which is below the skin, other stuff is below that. I wish I had the pain tolerance to just cut cut cut.

And i'm self harming in other ways too, overdosing, hitting myself with stuff. Started drinking again too, I've been missing the happiness it brings, and I know too that with alcohol I can withstand pain more. I meant to get counselling help because I'd been having suicidal thoughts but now they have gone and I can't be bothered to get help anymore. Time goes slowly. I am constantly bored but I don't want to do anything and being with other ppl irritates me. So I just live from one day to the next. That makes me feel like I am coping. Even though I know in reality I am not.

[pegasus]

silver queen,

Please don't do this to yourself!

You are such a caring and supportive person, I hate to think that you are in so much pain.

Can you use other ways of coping? I know that cutting is a quick fix but it continues the cycle of hurt - guilt.

Please consider getting therapy again, it does help.

Safe hugs (((((((((((( silver queen )))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((Silver))))))))))))))))))

[silver_queen]

Thanks Pegasus. I don't feel caring or supprtive at the moment though - I'm not being muc h help to anybody . I'm not sure about eh hurt-guilt cycle, I don't feel guilty about the cutting. Well, shame over hiding the scars. I do not usually practice any distraction techniques, but I have found that taking a bath helps to totally wipe my mind. I've noticed that cutting makes my mind go blank in a similar way. I can only tae one bath a week though.

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((((( Fuzzy )))))))))))))))))

[pegasus]

Sending you a hug>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

(((((((((((((((((( silver queen )))))))))))))))))))

Hope you are ok.

[Rapunzel]

(((((((Silver))))))))

Let me say, I undestand about using various forms of self-harm to try to cope. I know that you don't need the speech about how that just puts off feeling and dealing with the real problems until later. Would you like to talk about what is going on in your world that you are struggling with and need to cope with? You are welcome to PM me if you ever want to talk. Even when I'm stuggling too, I don't mind listening to someone else. I feel better, and it can be a good distraction, and I learn, and get a better perspective.

One thing I want you to know is that you don't have to have suicidal thoughts or be hurting yourself in order to get professional help. I've felt like I needed to justify needing help that way, and what happens is at the times when I feel like I need help the most, I'm not receptive to help. It works better when you don't like the way your life is, and you want to do something about it. Those things can sometimes be a wakeup call though.

I hope things start to look up for you soon. Look up, okay? You might find that you have choices you haven't noticed before.

Rap

[silver_queen]

Thanks ((((((((((( pegasus )))))))))) and ((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))). Things have been improving... not really in terms of SI, but suicide thoughts have gone and I'm not feeling so depressed, but I can't give a reason for the change... I know that I should really still seek some kind of therapy or counselling even though things have improved, but then I feel like I won't have anything to talk about because nothing much really happens. I'll have to see how things go.

Silver

[Rapunzel]

There doesn't need to be anything happening for therapy to work. That's actually the best time for it, because you can talk about the stuff you need to get resolved and not just have to deal with current crises. It's a long-term change process. And feeling better and better, and having things improve, is what it's all about. I got nowhere when I was just getting help to manage from one crisis to the next. When I wasn't in the middle of a crisis but still knew I wasn't where I needed to be, that was when I started to be able to get better. But I also thought that I didn't deserve therapy, shouldn't need it, and all that junk. I've been getting better, but I'm still not done. You deserve to get better, and you don't have to prove it to anyone.

Rap