why??

why is it now that my T knows that i still SI do i want to do it a lot more.it isn't like i would tell her about it or anything .but now that she knows i still do the urge is huge to continue and do it a lot worse.i know it would never be a good thing to let her know.

its okay that you feel like you need to do it more right now. Just hold on, it will go back down. Take advantage of the fact that they know and work on it with them. Just be honest and open with them, what you are feeling isnt abnormal and they can probably help you work through it.

Is it because you feel shame or you think that she feels badly towards you because of it?

i don't know it could be .i have to say as the week goes on the urge to do this is less so it could be .i felt so horrible and ashamed when she asked me if i am still doing that.i hope she wont want to talk about it anymore it is hard for me to do and not want to SI.

Eventually, you would need to be able to talk about it, though.

I can relate granite. In a sense I want T to notice because that proves she cares. To me, care often relates to worry. If someone is worried about me and whether I'm going to be ok. Not in an attention seeking way, that's just how I've learned to recognize care. So in that weird way of wanting her to notice, I would have to provide something for her to notice. Now of course I'm not going to go out and flaunt it, I will keep it very covered up so it's pretty unlikely that she would notice. Maybe I hope she can just tell.

But the other half, like mentioned above, is that having someone in the world know about what I do brings up a lot of emotions that I don't like

did you T ask right out if you still SI? or did you tell her this is something you do?or does she have no idea you do it.my T asked me out of the blue if i still cut myself.i would have never told her at all .now i am so scared of the fall out from her knowing.it seemed to be ok but she asked kind of at the end of session.i'm questioning everything right now