[Christina86]

Today has been an awful day. And I then went and made it worse.

I had posted before about having the urge to cut. Before this, only brusing and picking and scraping, not great but thought I had it under control.

I guess not.

Cut myself. Not painful, peaceful. Which scares the **** out of me.



Slipped up one time, am I now stuck trying to get up the slippery slope without doing it again?

I don't know what the heck I'm doing anymore.

I'm sorry. You all warned me not to do it. I guess I'm not a very good listener.

[Lexicon78]

(((((canders)))))

I slip up all the time! But don't beat yourself up just because you cut. Yes, it does feel good.

Somebody smack me, but I'm less concerned about you cutting than I am about why you cut. You see, the why brings on the urges. The why is what is killing us. We need to work on the why. Then and only then can we begin to change the result which is the cutting.

You can always hop on that wagon and start all over again.

Sending you lots of love and hugs!

[Christina86]

Thanks Lexicon.

I don't know why I did it. Honestly. If it makes any sense, I zoned out... Disconnected.

[sujunew]

Disassociating is what makes it so easy to hurt ourselves. I 'slipped up' last night but never felt a THING. I have an awful lot riding on whether I SI or not- my husband who I separated from 2 weeks ago has said that if I SI 1x more then he will go thru every court in the land to get the kids taken off me. He has been given literature to read and talked to by mental health professionals about SI and why ppl can't just stop it, but he does not understand at all and doesn't seem to want to. But anyway, I got off topic a bit here. So you had to find a release to your emotions. As long as you don't do it in a dangerous place (on your body) that is the main thing. Just keep trying to throw back those urges...it is SO hard so never beat yourself up about it.

[Christina86]

Thanks irish.

Woke up this morning not feeling so great, but I'm going to try to get over yesterday.

[sujunew]

every day brings a new challenge, but if you write a list and try to achieve a certain number of tasks on that list that can help you feel better too. I am battling with the kids at the mo so gotta go. Heaps of hugs and best wishes to you.

[Christina86]

Thanks. Yep, I got that suggestion. Apparently some of my discontent about school might be my lack of tasks to complete. I'm only marked on exams. *sigh* So I'm doing the list of tasks. I stopped for a bit, but since you suggested it, I guess I'm starting again!!