[stern]

Here i am again. My best friend isn't talking to me even though i've done nothing wrong. I told her that it's over then. I can't impose myself on anybody. If she's fed up of me then how can i remain stick to her? Always it happens to me. That's why i never initiates friendships. I'm feeling rejected, humiliated... Yeah i want to cut now. It's not worth taking care of myself...

[Sannah]

I'm sorry that you are in distress. So you asked her what is wrong and she won't answer you?

[stern]

Yes. I failed to stop. Cut was deep this time, i got stitches. But it made me feel angry now. I'm not feeling pathetic any more. I'm done with her and next time rather than hurting myself i'll try to show others what can i do with them if they hurt me as badly...

[Sannah]

Lashing out when you are hurt solves nothing, whether you are hurting yourself or hurting others. Try taking the higher ground?

[stern]

What else i can do? Let others hurt my feelings?

[Sannah]

If someone repeatedly hurts my feelings I stay away from them. If it is someone that I can work it out with then I will do that if they are willing to work on it. Lashing back takes you down to their level. I have standards for my behavior and wouldn't let someone else's bad behavior cause me to act like them.

[stern]

I know i can't hurt anybody because for me it's inhumane. That's why i blame myself even for the mistakes of others and punish myself. Some people repeatedly hurt me but i tolerated because i don't want to lose my relationships. But now i can't stand it any more.

[Sannah]

Can you find healthier people to be around? Being around people who continually hurt you is not good for you at all.

Can you see how being around people who hurt you, how it makes you feel bad about yourself?

[stern]

I'm too much reserved. Always others approach me and when I become concerned about them, they began to hurt me through their behaviour. It feels like I'm good as far I'm unapproachable. Once somebody got my attention, I lose my importance. I already have trust problem, it means I should not trust anybody for not being hurt?

[Sannah]

Stern, do you have a therapist? Working through this with a therapist would be really good. Do you think that you meet the needs of others over your own needs?

[stern]

I don't have therapist neither i could have one. I have family and cultural limitations. And yes i have out of control empathy for others. I always think what other person might be feeling? He might be hurt because of me. It leaves me feeling guilty most of the time.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by stern

And yes i have out of control empathy for others. I always think what other person might be feeling? He might be hurt because of me. It leaves me feeling guilty most of the time.

Must be that you grew up in a family where your needs were not met and you were expected to meet the needs of another family member?

[stern]

I brought up with restrictions thus originated to be a perfectionist. I expect myself and my relations to be perfect. But from childhood what i always felt is i'm not what others and myself expected me to be. Neither others ever meet my expectations. Some people think i keep high expectations from others but what i feel is, others are just time passers. They merely use me for their purpose.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by stern

They merely use me for their purpose.

You don't have to cooperate with this? And you don't need to be around such lowly people.

When a person is used to being around lowly people who mistreat them, this person's self worth plummets. Because of the low self worth, it is very difficult to be around people who are healthy, because healthy people really see you and this is painful. Working through this and being able to be around healthy people is what is going to get you out of this mess.

Healthy relationships aren't perfect. Working throught things with others can be messy and this is okay. Where is there perfection in nature? I hate the word perfection.

You need some real relationships.

Working through all of this, you might find that you are judgemental of others? You were judged and it taught you to judge others? I had to work through this.

[stern]

You were judged and it taught you to judge others?

Yes. I agree with that. But the confusion is, i doubt everybody and all my relationships ends up in a mess. Though i try my best to maintain them. It means
i'm surrounded by all lowly people? I feel stuck here.

[Fuzzybear]

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by stern

i doubt everybody and all my relationships ends up in a mess. Though i try my best to maintain them. It means
i'm surrounded by all lowly people? I feel stuck here.

So you lack trust? Getting a therapist would really help to work yourself out of this.

Only you can answer if you are surrounded by all lowly people. You might have some healthier ones around you but you avoid them because they are capable of getting close to you and this scares you?

[stern]

You might have some healthier ones around you but you avoid them because they are capable of getting close to you and this scares you?

Right... but i havn't any choice. Everyone who comes close to me betrays me afterwards. This is the only way to secure myself.